Help for spouses of addicts

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agb.sadwife
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Last seen: 8 years 1 month ago
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Joined: 01/24/2009 - 10:43pm
Help for spouses of addicts

Hi All,

I haven't posted in a long time, but wanted to update. Almost 6 months ago, I was ready to walk away, as my husband had spent 4 years on WoW, from 30-60 hours per week. We went through about 4 counselors, none of whom would acknowledge the gaming as a real problem. .

Finally, I convinced my husband to agree to see a counselor who specializes in internet gaming (after two months of silence and a conversation about separating/divorce). Long story short, the counselor convinced him to give up gaming (for an unspecified amount of time) so that he could focus on our marriage. Although my husband still denies that he has a gaming problem, I am very thankful that he has been off gaming for about 5 months, but the avoidance of intimacy within our family (me, my daughter, and him) continues to be a problem. The root of his problem is fear of intimacy. The root of my problem is, ironically the same, but I approach the problem as a love addict (co-dependent)- wanting his love when he is incapable of giving and receiving emotional intimacy.

I have joined a therapy group with other women who are married to addicts (mostly sex addicts or alcoholics) BUT it doesn't matter because all addictions are fundamentally the same. The group therapy has done wonders for my strength to gain independence and a sense of self. Even though my husband isn't gaming, there are the residual and underlying issues that we are both trying to work through. It is an up-hill marathon, but we seem to be taking small steps in the right direction (with many steps back).

I strongly encourage the spouses who are struggling with an game-addicted spouse to find a group- whether it be Alanon or a Co-dependents anon. group. You will find such strength to make the changes necessary (even if your spouse continues to game). I am so grateful to learn how I can become more healthy, so that I am a better role model for my daughter. Even if things do not work out with my husband in the long run, I know that I will have broken through my own addiction as a co-dependent and live a fuller and more joy filled life. If you put your health first, you and everyone else around you will benefit!

I have been in the lowest of lows, I know the doom of thinking that I am stuck in a hole with no way out. FIND A GROUP!!! GET INTO COUNSELING (with a internet addiction specialist) if you can find a way. I drove two hours and waited around with a toddler every week and it was worth it to get the help. Figure out how to get the support of people who know your struggles and they will help you.

Also, I highly recommend the book "Facing Co-dependence" By Pia Melody. Its truly an amazing book and helps you better understand how you ended up in your situation.

Best wishes to you~ Agb.sadwife