how can I help boyfriend?

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veryworried
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Joined: 09/19/2006 - 7:34am
how can I help boyfriend?

how can I help my boyfriend? he is addicted to WoW.

I left previous boyfriend for this one, moved in and after 10 months I dont know where its at. He got WoW last December (9 months ago)and has played it since.

problems are: I can count on 2 hands the number of nights he has come to bed with me when I go.

There have been times i have got up to go to work and have seen that he came to bed 1/2 hour before i got up

He is self-employed and has various contracts - he has lost a lot of them for not doing the job/visiting each site often enough - because he has been playing the game

I think he is depressed - he finds it hard to go out to work, to mix with people, to do stuff at weekends etc. I think its what the game has done to him

I dont know how many heartbreaking hours Ive spent lying in bed feeling lonely, or watching TV feeling lonely, or eating a meal on my own feeling lonely while he has his meal on his lap while playing the game

When he talks to me, its usually about the game, how well he did on a riad or in an instance, or how annoyed he is about something in the game. You can feel the passion when he talks, but only when its about the game.

We dont go out, we dont do much, and I love doing stuff, fishing, going to art galleries, visiting new places etc, sports etc.

He always says we will do stuff, but when the time comes it gets forgotten about cos of the game

I work hard and at the moment im working 60 hours a week to get my job done and then I come home in the evening, to open the curtains as theyve been shut all day, I make the evening meal, I wash up etc. yesterday I gave him one job to do if he wasnt gonna do some work, and that was to hang out the washing.. it was still in the basket when i got home in the evening.

He gets up about 8am, plays the game, grabs some toast for lunch, and will be on the PC when I get home, someitmes he will spend a couple of hours with me in the evening, but then he plays the game again. I think he is on the game for average 12+ hours a day (every day). I just found out to check how much hours he has played, so gonna check tonight.

Im so fed up with all this. he promised me the world, and I left everything for him... to get this...

someone help me, im getting depressed about it now and dont know what to do

Xandtar
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Joined: 04/09/2003 - 7:42am
Re: how can I help boyfriend?

sigh...

lost ten minutes of post here.

I'm sorry about your situation. Sadly, its nothing new on this site. We are a haven for those who seek healing, both as addicts and as family & friends of addicts. Some of us who are addicts are in recovery to a large degree because of strong-willed significant others (e.g., my wife).

And recovery IS possible, though your boyfriend sounds pretty deep in his addiction. He has to understand that he is no longer in control, that the game has taken control of him, before he will be able to do what to you is an obvious move-- delete the stinking game and never go back. Its not as simple as that when you're an addict. Some deny they are addicts even when they play 60+ hours per week. Others know they can't quit but find reasons to blame those around them for their own powerlessness. Sooner or later, most addicts come to realize that they just can't beat it by themselves, at which time intervention and recovery are most effective.

I don't know which way your boyfriend will go. But if he is in denial, or goes into blame-you mode, you must remember that your first responsibility is to yourself and your family members, not to him. Don't let him walk all over you, it doesn't help him and its certainly not good for you. If that means the worst case, getting rid of him for good, (and I hope it doesn't come to that), well remember that we all make our own paths in life, he is making his down a dark and lonely road.

You don't have to take that road if you don't want to.

Good luck to you.

Leveling in Real Life

veryworried
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Last seen: 11 years 6 months ago
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Joined: 09/19/2006 - 7:34am
Re: how can I help boyfriend?

thank you. To be honest I dont let him walk all over me, but it has affected my self esteem etc etc. I am sorting that one out right now, starting today

I guess I feel rather stupid losing him to a "game"

I am quite a strong willed eprson and had a breakdown last November due to stress of work etc and I got back on my feet, why cant he quit the stupid game?

Edited by: veryworried at: 9/19/06 11:25

Xandtar
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Last seen: 5 years 2 months ago
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Joined: 04/09/2003 - 7:42am
Re: how can I help boyfriend?

Addiction is often a disorder of the will. The desire to move on is great but the will isn't there to do it.

People with strong wills often have trouble understanding this at first, until they have lived it with someone. In my case I borrow from my wife's iron will to get me through the day game-free. It helps.

In any event, I'm glad you're working through it.

Good luck to you.

Leveling in Real Life

anonymous (not verified)
Re: how can I help boyfriend?

Give him a wakeup call by staying at a friend for a few days... then let him wonder where you are, who cooks the meal, does the dishes etc...

Sometimes such a simple measure already an help

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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

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