I need freedback

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frodor
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I need freedback

I believe my wife is addicted to WOW. I'm 99% sure but I'd like a second opinion.

My wife lets everything go to hell. Bills aren't paid until the last minute. Dishes aren't done unless she is asked over and over. No housework is done ever. I end up doing all hers plus mine.

She comes home and plops down in front of the computer first thing. She then plays until bedtime. Which used to be around 11-12 now is as late as 1:30 weekdays or 4 am weekends.

I've begged her to spend time with me, but her response is "Well we're in the same house so that's enough right?" or "Well what you do is boring/I have no interest in it."

The odd thing is she didn't used to find it boring. She'd watch Cheesy Sci-Fi with me and make fun of the movie/show. I'd watch ER/Grey's anatomy/one of the endless stream of court room legal dramas with her. She'd play games with me, go to movies, go out together, and even just talk.

Everyday of the week she comes home and plays. That's all she does for the day. No house work, no anything else. She doesn't even watch her favorite shows anymore.

Whenever I confront her she becomes ungodly defensive.

Tonight trying to get her to realize what she is doing isn't healthy I said, "If I spent as much time with that a bottle as you do that game, they'd call me an alcoholic." Her response was, "Why is your answer to everything drinking?"
I ask you where in that sentance did I say I want to drink or that I was concidering drinking?

Sometimes I feel like she purposely sabotages our time together. Like this past Sunday we were going to a movie. Saturday when she had time she came home plopped her butt in front of a computer and played from 6 pm until 4 am.

Saturday she could have done the laundry. Saturday there were no obstacles to her accomplishing that. Oh no she had to play that game.

Before you read the next part keep in mind this woman doesn't go to bed without setting the alarm clock. She gets up everyday between 5 and 6 am and does yoga immediately.

Sunday She didn't get up until 12 noon then decided that oh boy laundry needed done. Oh boy before that yoga needed done. This took until 3:30. Then a friend who was our guest that day needed transport back to his house an hour away. The movie was at 6. My friend asked if we had time, could we swing past Wal Mart to pick up some groceries since it was on the way.

Looking at what time it was and that the friendaEU(tm)s house is only 1/2 hour from the movie theatre, I said I don't care if my wife doesn't. She agreed it was fine and we stopped off.

My wife despite knowing the time crunch decided looking at crafts was the best use of her time. After delaying enough so that we couldn't go to the movie, we then went straight home. On the way she asked if I wanted Chinese food or pizza. By this time I was so disgusted I just said, "If you want to go, I don't care either way." She went home and played.

I used to feel that the people who threw out/smashed their TVs were psychopaths. After seeing what has happened I'm ready to do that to her computer.

I have a network at the house and a login server. Through this login server I can restrict hours allowed in. However she does bills (albeit at the last minute) and does banking online. So this might not be the way to go.

She goes on raids almost exclusively lately. I was thinking of presenting this to her guild mates and asking them not to take her on any raids. However I'm not sure if they would be understanding. Also if they would cooperate I'm not sure if sheaEU(tm)d see this as a betrayal.

Does she have an addiction? If so what do I do? Divorce? Take the computer away?

shiva
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Re: I need freedback

Quote:Does she have an addiction? If so what do I do? Divorce? Take the computer away?
Addiction: she definitely seems to show patterns of addictive/ obsessive behaviour

Divorce: hold the horses a bit and slow down

Remember, this is a woman you were and probably still are in love in. She seems to have done a great deal lately to drive your relationship off the road, but there is still enough road left from what I can read.

The first thing that I would do, is catch her after yoga or something else where she is hopefully not completely with her mind in the game and calmly tell her how you perceive her.

Maybe make a diary and write down how often you had to tell her things, how often you had proposed stuff and she did not listen, how much you have done/failed to do together. How much time you spent together. Do this for a week or so, and try to be objective.

Game addicts love numbers

She also seems to be slowly loosing her timetable to the game, which is a definite sign of something going the very wrong way. I am not sure about confronting her guild mates, but it has been done before and with success too, though not on WoW to my knowledge, but on a MUD, which has a bit more mature attendance than WoW in general.

Would not try it till all possibilities with her have been exhausted.

The same with denying her computer use. If she is deep in addict behaviour, she will not understand that you want to do her good. On the other hand, this:Quote:"Well we're in the same house so that's enough right?" or "Well what you do is boring/I have no interest in it."sounds awful and I would have serious problems if my wife were to answer to me in such a way.

Maybe there is a councellor that you could go to, or maybe you have a mutual friend, whom she also trusts and who could talk to her.

Strange question, but maybe relevant: how long has she been doing yoga? People sometimes get into depression / other disorders when starting, especially if they have an instructor that cares lotA's about the physical side, but underestimate the psychic changes that people undergo.

Hatha-Yoga (physical part) is like a squeeze that brings up all the stresses and bad stuff to the surface, that were accumulating for the whole life. And then! one needs a good teacher/good approach to resolve and clean all the bad stuff that has come up or it will manifest itself in difficulties.

I know, I had a depression for 2 years after starting, though I was self-taught, so noone could tell me about the dangers, and anyway, now that I am through I feel better than I ever felt before so the price was fair.

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frodor
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Re: I need freedback

Thank you for your suggestions.
Quote:The first thing that I would do, is catch her after yoga or something else where she is hopefully not completely with her mind in the game and calmly tell her how you perceive her.
The only problem is: She gets up does yoga, bathes, gets dressed, and goes to work. After work she comes home and either naps or goes straight into the game. She, consciously or not, makes sure there is no time to talk.

God help me if I interrupt her game.

Quote:Maybe make a diary and write down how often you had to tell her things, how often you had proposed stuff and she did not listen, how much you have done/failed to do together. How much time you spent together. Do this for a week or so, and try to be objective.
I tried that. She took it as a personal attack. I presented it in this way: Here is why I feel this game is taking over our lives. She said it was a personal attack against her and that I was just saying she is a horrible person. I tried to explain that this wasn't against her, just this game is ruining our lives. Nope she wouldn't hear it, this was clearly a personal attack and I was saying she was a horrible person.

Quote:Maybe there is a councellor that you could go to, or maybe you have a mutual friend, whom she also trusts and who could talk to her.
Why go to a councellor there is obviously NOTHING wrong.

If there is something wrong, then it is all on her. So that means she is a horrible person. Why would I want to be with such a horrible person?

Quote:sounds awful and I would have serious problems if my wife were to answer to me in such a way.
The thing is we used to do stuff together. We'd get together and to LAN gaming, movies, Roleplay (Games, get your mind out of the gutter ), we went to wargaming conventions. It was often joked she was a nerd trophy wife. Now we do almost nothing.

Quote:Strange question, but maybe relevant: how long has she been doing yoga?

Well we've been married for 7 years and she's was doing it before that.

Medea
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Re: I need freedback

Hi,

I can only say: there are no horrible people, just horrible actions...

I used to be such a wife. Now I am an ex wife and an ex gamer too. I am clean from WoW since June last year.

I would never have put up with someone who behaved like me. Not even for the sake of the kids. Those are harsh words, I know.

If you have tried everything there is maybe it's time to just change passwords on your computers and/or stash everything game related in the house somewhere else? Buy flowers and make a wonderful dinner and tell her you love her but that it's going to be a start of something new or an end that night.

I do not have any good advice for you, so why am I writing this? Beacuse there is hope and love and forgivness.

Helene

shiva
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Re: I need freedback

Quote:Buy flowers and make a wonderful dinner and tell her you love her but that it's going to be a start of something new or an end that night.

Sounds like a wonderfull idea

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frodor
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Re: I need freedback

Thank you for all the suggestions.

I'd love to have dinner with her but she's never free.

So after she came home today, she opened the freezer and saw I cooked one of the ribs we bought. She got mad at me for cooking one of the ribs.

See my wife is like Lisa Drucker, she burns water. Ribs are one of the few things she can cook well.

I had asked her a week ago if she would cook the ribs. She said sure. A few days ago, I asked her again would you cook the ribs? Again she said sure. I got sick of her not doing anything so I cooked the ribs and did the laundry that had sat there for 5 weeks.

She came home noticed both then became upset. She came home laid down and watched TV. Sorta looked like she lost her puppy. She asked if the internet was up, but never played. She even went to bet at 10:30.

I gotta say I was happy. I was also sorta depressed. It was sad seeing her laying there all umpf... I almost wish she would get up and play the game. Just so she wasn't so depressed.

shiva
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Re: I need freedback

Well, can understand what you felt, but it is also interesting to hear how your wife was behaving. Seems she is very much realizing what she is doing to herself.

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Medea
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Re: I need freedback

She is depressed and she probably gets withdrawal symptoms. She gets visons of the game in her head and gets restless, angry, resentful and confused. For the first 4 weeks, at nights, I would lay in a heap in the corner of a room. Even the sound of somone elses key board could make me go crazy. I begged to play any game, just for an hour...a day..to take my mind of WoW. Finally I realised I was an addict.

I must ask this, however painful... Do you suspect she is in love with someone on-line? This is very private so I understand if you won't answer..but if you do suspect..ask her..even if she laughs or gets angry..("are you jealous of a game".

kindly
Helene

frodor
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Re: I need freedback

I think she might have been depressed over the ribs and the washing of the clothes. That would have been twice where she said she'd do something and failed. She really shines at making the ribs. By me making them I took that time to shine away from her. Maybe it made her realize that twice she let me down.

No, I don't believe she is in love with someone online. She makes no attempt ever to cover up her screen. She doesn't jump when I come in the room or does any of the typical "I don't want to get caught looking at porn" actions.

Also there is a keylogger on her machine. You can call it Nazi esque. However if she was in love with someone online, the first thing I would do would be to kick her butt out. Go live with your 18 year old gnome mage friend, have fun, buh bye!

Asking her if she had a boyfriend online would be useless. She'd just lie. She's said when people push her, or prod into something she's uncomfortable with, she just tells people what they want to hear so they will quit bothering her. So even if she had an online love, she tell me no to make me quit bothering her.

I'm not jealous of the game. Honestly I am disgusted with the game. I have told her over and over again. I don't hate you I hate that game.

shiva
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Re: I need freedback

Quote:

I'm not jealous of the game. Honestly I am disgusted with the game. I have told her over and over again. I don't hate you I hate that game.

Problem is that she identifies with the game...

Try a trick that I use with my brother, call it sleight of mouth if you wish. (www.amazon.com/gp/product...8&s=books)

Whenever he does something unagreeable to me, I just talk about me not liking that part of him...

So I say: I donA't like that part of you that plays "counter strike" instead of washing the dishes, like you were told 5 times already.

Pretty soon he picked up the language and later says ... well yes, you know ... "while I am in that state" or "while that part is in control".

She still has the voice of reason and love - shown by her being depressed over the ribs. She realizes that she is somehow messing up.

You could help her to wage the battle by either:

calling her behaviour a disease and treating her accordingly

separating her gamer and non gamer parts verbally while in conversation. Pretty soon you will be allied with her reason against her base gaming instincts.

As I said, it works wonderfully with my brother, so why donA't you try it out?

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1RealityCheck1
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Re: I need freedback

Quote:"Well we're in the same house so that's enough right?" or "Well what you do is boring/I have no interest in it."

I have heard these same words in my house. My husband would tell me exactly the same thing and usually add "If I weren't here I would be out playing pool or something better to be at home than out, right?"

I ended up joining him in the game and became as addicted as he is. I also began an in game affair. This toon that approached me was in our guild and knew I was married but we had had alot of late night discussions about things after my husband went to bed and I allowed my self to start a relationship with him...something I thought I would NEVER do and that goes against every moral fiber in my body. (And it got worse from there as I became addicted to the cyber as well)

Even though we were all three in the same guild together and my husband and I played together every night...he never suspected anything. He made comments about how much time I spent with this toon but I always had excuses and he trusted me, a trust which I abused and am working now to regain. This is not to say that your wife has met someone, but just my story of how with my husband in the same room and playing on the same game I was able to hide an afair for months. (a fact I am not proud of) Now some of this was probably denial on his part, he is an addict and may have thought if he made too many inquiries that his gamming would take a hit in some way. I think he was enjoying me not bugging him for time together (and he honestly felt that the time we had playing together was time together).

I wish I had some good advice for you, but we are really just working through all this ourselves...but I would say if you have any suspicions to ask her about it...If she happens to be involved with someone in someway, at least she will be aware that you are aware and that you care. Really try to keep in mind, that if she is seeing someone on line it is more about the addiction than it is about you. I love my husband with all my heart and always have, I can't believe what I let myself get involved in, but it is an addiction. If she were suddenly addicted to alcohol would you divorce her or get her the help she needs? My husband, even though he is addicted himself has agreed to cut out gamming for three months to help me with my addiction...I dont know if we will make it..we are on day 3 and it is HARD...but I love him for trying.

I wish you all the best, hang in there.

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Re: I need freedback

Greetings,

I am having a very similar problem. I am in a bad way right now about it and I have posted my story in the next thread up.

"Whenever I confront her she becomes ungodly defensive."

My girlfriend is exactly the same! She gets completely irrational and over the top crazy when I try to discuss her addiction and how I am feeling about it. Like she thinks that I am taking part in some kind of conspiracy to sabotage her happiness.

wowburned
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Re: I need freedback

what should you do if you do suspect your partner of being in love with another online gamer? I do very much supect this and like you said above when I aske her she laughs at me for being jelous of a game. On many occasions I would walk into her room and she would quickly click away from a web page that I could cleraly was her guild forum.

lizwool
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Re: I need freedback

Hello wowburned,

I am sorry for what is happening to you, your partner and your relationship because of these games. You will want to read this post carefully - it has many good suggestions - p198.ezboard.com/folgafrm33.showMessage?topicID=20.topic
Also, look at the other tacked posts in the I Need Help for Family Members section - escpecially the Co-Dependent post p198.ezboard.com/folgafrm33.showMessage?topicID=22.topic

From what I see, the more you try to control the gamer, the more they pull away. Ignore her and work on your own life. She may be surprised.

There are a lot of on-line affairs going on.

You may also want to visit the EQ Widows site. It is for all games. When it started, Everquest was the only game like this out there. It is a YAHOO group. Here is the link - health.groups.yahoo.com/group/EverQuest-Widows/

There is also a site call Gamer Widows. Here is the link - www.gamerwidow.com/

I hope you stick around and share with others who come here. There is hope, that your partner will decide to leave the game, as you can see here.

Liz

Edited by: lizwool at: 4/12/06 18:01

Liz Woolley

frodor
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Re: I need freedback

Quote:If she happens to be involved with someone in someway, at least she will be aware that you are aware and that you care.
I've alerady asked her if she's having an affair. She's said no. However it's useless because if she is in an affair she'll just lie. So I can't trust what she said.

Also like I said I have a key logger on her machine. Whatever she types gets recorded. So far nothing thankfully.

Quote:"Whenever I confront her she becomes ungodly defensive."

My girlfriend is exactly the same! She gets completely irrational and over the top crazy when I try to discuss her addiction...

Mine gets that way about anything though. She equates any problems that are linked to her, that you mention, as you telling her that she is a bad person because of X.

Like: "Hey there is egg on this dish, and that sponge is pretty ratty. Maybe we'd better throw the sponge." She then relpies "Why must you critize me?! Just because that one dish had egg on it doesn't make me a bad person!"

So when I say dude dishes aren't done, they clearly need done because they are piled to the cieling, I've done them 3 times in a row because you were too busy playing that game. Please put that game down for just one day. You have not, before that game came along, shirked your duties.

She takes it as you are saying I am a bad person because I don't do the dishes.

I'm not in anyway saying she is a bad person. I am saying that game is preventing you from living.

ThorexFaust
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Re: I need freedback

Bit of advice I can give in this situation.

1. Women are 100 times more emotionally intelligent than men. That is how women decide everything in their lives. Men are logical thinkers. Therefor the same methods that work on men for gaming addictions do not necessarily work on women.

You need to use her emotions to get her to do something about it. What emotion would do this? Guilt is one, but we don't want to use it. Why? She'll feel guilty for playing but the need to still play will be there.

Anger and hatred work. We want her to be discusted by WoW. How do we manage to do this? Very simple.

See when I played Everquest, I managed to max out my character. I was level 65, pretty well full AA's and the best combo swords in the game. I reached the point where I couldn't go any further. The need to increase my characters stats was gone. I had waited for expansions and done quests to by time between expansions, but for the most part there was nothing left for me.

You need to find a way to get her to experience this.

What I am suggesting is full proof.

You need to do some research and find out how to access player made private servers. Go on to a server that offers all the items and levels in the game that is strictly PvP. She will go on there and be able to make a godly character, skip all the raiding and will get utterly discusted when she realises that is all there is to it.

May sound kind of unorthadox, but if she can access a server where she doesn't have to do all that leveling and raiding, see's that the goal she's working for is redundant, she'll be discusted and not want to play anymore.

My guess is it will be pretty easy for you to suggest something like this game related to her. Trust me, when she can pull the best weapons and items out of the air on a pvp server, she won't care to play the live version at all anymore.

Good luck!

frodor
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Re: I need freedback

Quote:Women are 100 times more emotionally intelligent than men. That is how women decide everything in their lives.
And with everything there are aberrants. She is one. Majored in philosophy, and is fairly good at thinking things through logically. This is how she's handled things in the past logically. It's never been, "Oh look these shoes are soo cuuuute!" It's been these shoes look dressy, will match 5 of my outfits, and my ohter ones are worn out.

I wasn't trying to "guilt" her into doing things. I'm trying to show her this is how we were before, this is how things are now. Guilt doesn't work on her because of her mother with MS. After being harassed by guilt by her mother so much, she's pretty much immune.

Quote:You need to find a way to get her to experience this.
She's there already, has almost all epics. WoW goes something like uncommons (greens), rare (blues), Epics (purple), orange red (few per server), and reds (one per server).

The way warcraft is made many many things can't be accomplished unil you hit level 60 (limit for now). So 60 is just the beginning. Also they have their versions of quake and call of duty in the game. Both have rewards for playing, (increased rank, items, ability to buy good items).

On top of that this July(?) an expansion is coming out. Which adds more content, more arenas (quake like portions), and more stuff in general.

She's hit level 60 a long time ago. She now has 3 other characters she trying to get to the same point.

So for me it's like hey you know that cocaine you were getting high from? Yeah, now we have super coke and in a few months we'll have super duper coke.

Quote:You need to do some research and find out how to access player made private servers.

Already know how. Most of them shut down months ago. Blizzard sued them and won. Those that are avoiding detection, if you mod what you need to mod, should you ever connect to an offical server your account is banned.

If I'd rip her away from her buddies (by putting her on a private server) she'd physically attack me.

Honestly she's going to have to hit rock bottom before she does anything. Like nothing cleaned, bugs eveywhere, no laundry done, house falling in, etc.

anonymous (not verified)
Re: I need freedback

Thorex wrote: Quote:You need to do some research and find out how to access player made private servers. Go on to a server that offers all the items and levels in the game that is strictly PvP. She will go on there and be able to make a godly character, skip all the raiding and will get utterly discusted when she realises that is all there is to it.
Used to do this with single player games for a while. Works for some, but not for all, as I spend almost more time reading about the game than playing it unfortunately. I am an information junkie.

frodor wrote:Quote:Honestly she's going to have to hit rock bottom before she does anything. Like nothing cleaned, bugs eveywhere, no laundry done, house falling in, etc.
have you trired going off for a vacation or something, leaving her all alone with the flat etc. ?

Maybe seeing how she does not manage to keep it together (donA't know, but suspect she does not) will force her to admit she is addicted?

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frodor
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Re: I need freedback

Quote:have you trired going off for a vacation or something, leaving her all alone with the flat etc. ?

Flat? It's A House.

If I'd would leave for a vacation... Instead of wow this game is taking up so much of my life he left without me. Her reaction would be, "So you don't like me?" or "You left with a girlfriend because I'm nbot good enough anymore."

This is the problem. I have convinced her at points to stop playing for very short amounts of time. Unfortunately it's been through, oh the firewall is down/your comp is busted/patch is difficult to dowload. When she doesn't play for days she gets hellfire irritated.

When I say, "Hey you know your acting like a junkie who needs a fix. You need the game just to function normally. Just like a junkie starts to need the drug just to feel level"

Her response is, "I don't need that game to feel normal. It helps me work off tension. It helps me feel calm."

So I tell her "So, what you are saying you feel listlessness, have trouble concentrating, irritability, unrestful sleep, etc. when you don't play that game"

"Well yes." She replies.

"Yeah I was just reading that out of the DSMIV under withdrawl symptoms for drugs."

Again though she not addicted.

The problem is she won't admit the game makes her do things. She passes it off to other things. I'm irritable because of my period (45th day of her period), work made play to ease the tension (she been off for 4 days), you're making me nervous (I've been at work offsite for 3 days). In other words the excuse never quite holds water.

I've also thought of not paying the for internet. However, right now I'm unemployed. Honestly right now, had the last job not run out of govt funding and shut down, I'd kick her out. Let her get her own place that goes to hell, let her hit bottom and admit that she's addicted.

Edited by: frodor at: 4/13/06 14:43

Xandtar
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Re: I need freedback

Well

This might be a good time to apply for jobs far far away from where you are. A), you might get one and having a job is a good thing and B), if she doesn't care that you might go a thousand miles away, being twenty feet away isn't all that different...

Leveling in Real Life

anonymous (not verified)
Re: I need freedback

Quote:I've also thought of not paying the for internet. However, right now I'm unemployed. Honestly right now, had the last job not run out of govt funding and shut down, I'd kick her out. Let her get her own place that goes to hell, let her hit bottom and admit that she's addicted.

Hmm, difficult situation, if you get a job, kick her out. It will do her and you good, and might better your relationship... might. It is always difficult to give any kind of councel of this sort over the internet.

A job in a far away place might also do it. Another thing would be to conveniently visit your parents / some friends in another state (so she cannot emergency-call you) and make it so that her PC shuts down on the 2nd or 3rd day of your absence. Then let her go through withdrawal alone... and come back when she has been clean for 2 weeks.

On the other hand, she might just send for a repair man.

My "normal person" reaction would be to simply kill off her account, but I am quite sure such a behaviour does not work with addicts. Would probably not work with me. Would make me "work" harder to get it back.

Maybe something so we have a better grip on this: what does she enjoy in the game? The interaction, the fighting? I mean, what element drives her addiction?

For me it was "being stuck in real life with no choice" For others itA's loneliness etc. WHat is it for her?

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frodor
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Re: I need freedback

Thanks for all the replies guys. I appreciate them.Quote:A), you might get one and having a job is a good thing andYeah, I know that. I've been applying for one since the other job ran out. I've a had a few temp jobs but nothing permanent. Unfortuantely if I could move that would mean I have my own reserve of cash, which if I had that she would be out already.

Recently, there haven't been many jobs. I've been applying for anything. Unfortunately is been you have to much experience and or college. So I just keep trudging along.

Quote:Another thing would be to conveniently visit your parents / some friends in another state Good Idea, but with gas being 2.79 my nearest out of state friend being 500+ miles away, it's a bit difficult. Plus I'd feel akward asking hey can I stay with you for 2 weeks?

She'd never call a repairman. Even if she did he'd need passwords etc to get into my setup. I'd sabotage my own stuff not her's.
Quote:My "normal person" reaction would be to simply kill off her account,Yeah my feelings too. However, I'd need to have her account banned. If I'd just cancel it. She'd get it back.
Quote:Maybe something so we have a better grip on this: what does she enjoy in the game?
She says it's escapism. The thing is right now her life is better than in the past. She is getting paid the most she's ever been paid in her life. She isn't working 12+ hour days. She doesn't have a job that makes her so sick she pukes. She actually likes her job for once.

She seems to get in a rut. By this I mean she gets used to a response and when that response goes away, she doesn't know how to deal with it. In other words, she is always rejected by an accounting firm. When she is accepted by that firm she just keeps acting like she was rejected.

There are many many games she likes. However she fixates on just this game. I believe this is because she is the type of person who likes to have goals. Unfortunately goals keep getting added to the game so it's never over. I'm 60th - new limit 70. I have the best armour - new epic armour sets. I have the highest faction ratings - new factions. They keep adding content so in effect the goals keep getting added to... Just when she thinks she can check off highest level >bam< 10 levels are added. Her to do list just keeps growing.

Edited by: frodor at: 4/15/06 17:52

Xandtar
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Last seen: 5 years 2 months ago
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Joined: 04/09/2003 - 7:42am
Re: I need freedback

So.

She's addicted.

She's not going to quit.

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So what are YOU going to do about YOUR problems, the unemployment, etc.?

Until you have your own stuff together, dwelling on her stuff is not going to help you.

Time enough for that later.

My two cents.

Leveling in Real Life

frodor
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Re: I need freedback

Xandtar not to sound rude but you sound very very confrontational.

My problems? Um the only one I see is unemployment (aside from her addiction), unless you see soemthing else.

As far as that goes, I've already stated, I'm looking and applying, and have been. I'm taking temp jobs and doing work on the side. So unless you know a magic trick (or have an opening), I'm already doing what I can.

My stuff together? Huh? I'm in search of a job, I'm not addicted to coke, I'm not sleeping around, I'm not having nervous breakdowns, etc. I know for many maybe their job defines them and/or is their life. Not so for me. I mean it's a job nothing more.

The area I live in is very economically depressed, coal mines moved out then steel. I've been downsized, laid off, and last time gov't agency supposedly ran out of money. So to me this is just par for the course.

I'm doing what I can as far as the job goes, I want my wife back. I came here hoping to get some ideas on what made others quit/how others got spouse to quit.

anonymous (not verified)
Re: I need freedback

Frodor, itA's ok ... Xandtar wrote out an idea of his and you reacted to it. Nothing bad happened.

Look at it this way: it made you think - I hope - whether there is anything you can do even more than you try to do, to help your wife to come off that addiction.

I wonder... put the same question here in these forums, they have mostly the audience that has similar problems to yours and maybe they can help better:

groups.yahoo.com/group/EverQuest-Widows/
www.gamerwidow.com/

Please inform us how it will be going.

On a side note: how come you feel awkward asking a friend to stay for 2 weeks? I know that if I had such a problem, I would simply tell my friends and they would be delighted to participate in such a plan ... maybe even go further and take my wife out on other nice things, away from the broken computer while I and the game would be away

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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

frodor
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Last seen: 11 years 6 months ago
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Joined: 03/28/2006 - 12:28am
Re: I need freedback

Quote:how come you feel awkward asking a friend to stay for 2 weeks? I know that if I had such a problem, I would simply tell my friends and they would be delighted to participate in such a plan ...
I just feel this is seriously imposing. Hey can I come up to your house stay there, make a mess, eat your food, take showers, and hang around you for 2 weeks straight. At least to me that is severely imposing on someone.

Quote:maybe even go further and take my wife out on other nice things, away from the broken computer while I and the game would be away

Last time it went down she moped until it went back up. I can take it down for a night, and sheaEU(tm)ll go out. Any longer she gets angry/mopey.

I believe at this point IaEU(tm)ll just need to get her banned. Just on as her and solicit sex, annoy everyone, or offer to sell gold to people.

anonymous (not verified)
Re: I need freedback

Quote:Just on as her and solicit sex, annoy everyone, or offer to sell gold to people. I am not sure this is the best route to go, if you want her to be banned. Why mar her "Reputation", even if it is a virtual one. I imagine you could explain your problem to an admin and ask to be banned (and maybe tell him OR ELSE )

Now the decision to go on and take her stuff and make her banned is something I do not feel quite right with.

As you said your wife is the competitive type, so she might just as well get a new account and "work" even harder to get back where she started out with.

And from her addict state of mind, this will be a very very big break of trust. No matter how "perverse" her own behaviour, she expects other people to behave reasonable, even if she does not.

Frodor, it is your girl you fell in love with and know for a long time. You know what is best, so just go on and do what you feel is right.

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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

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