It used to hurt

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Aspen Hiker
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It used to hurt

Edited by: Aspen Hiker at: 7/13/06 22:42

Hollyshelle
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Re: It Hurts

First of all I am not an addict, My husband is... he plays an average of 12 hours a day. I want to try to share how I feel about your situation from my experience and you can choose to take what you want and leave the rest behind of course. First of all an addict doesnt appear to see it but their life and game usually if not always seems to come first, beautiful woman or not... From my experience intentionally or not addictions amplify a persons selfishness. secondly I think that it is very hard for someone to love someone else when they are in the middle of a gaming addiction, whether they want it to or not the addiction always seems to come first, so even if they love you they cant truly give 100% to the relationship because they are giving that much and then some to another avenue of their life. Thirdly you could lovingly nudge and encourage but just like any other aspect of life no one can be changed unless they choose to change their life ( I have found this out the hard way). That being said it is really up to you but if I were you I would try to curb your involvement with him, I realize that you feel strongly about him but I would hate to see you end up with three or four kids on your own crying and wondering why you married someone who is in love with a computer, and believe me it is better to walk away in the situation that your in than when it comes down to that If you ever wanna chat I can give you my email or something if you would like

Best wishes
Holly

InSomeNiak
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Re: It Hurts

1. Yep, did for me. I lost my fiance due to my lack of getting my act together and may regret that for life. I have also ignored advances from a close and very sexy female friend of mine, for years, simply because i'm not ready for a relationship. I know that i'm in no condition for it. I have got to get my life and myself together first. I'm currently unfit for a healthy relationship and don't care for the unhealthy ones that I experienced in my earlier years. And there is nothing wrong with you, he's just preoccupied.

2. I'd say yes, but you don't have much time to spare, or attention to give while living life as a ranger elf in wonderland, for example.

3. I'd say no. I can't totally help myself yet, even though I realize it's a problem. My belief so far is that the secret lies in the subject of escapism. Escaping from the world, society, depression, anxiety etc. (Ignorance is bliss, and I know too much about the harshness of reality. So the opposite of bliss is...) Maybe if you and him could get to the root of the problem and work it out... but he may not believe that he even has a problem.

4. Well I have a best friend who came from a "good family". Parents had great careers, nice house, cars, money, and otherwise had the perfect home. Not that money is everything, but it helps. But their children turned out horrible. They were defiant, insubordinate, and lazy. It took them many years to actually do something with their lives. Sometimes seems to me that they turned out worse because they were spoiled, or expected to be somebody. Of course having a picture perfect family is often a facade and there may be a lack of love or attention in the family, or other problems. But I don't have enough info to answer that question about his family.

Aspen Hiker
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Re: It Hurts

Sorry, but I have to delete for reasons I don't want to get into....

Edited by: Aspen Hiker at: 7/13/06 22:43

LordRift
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Re: It Hurts

I'll start this off by saying that I was a huge addict. 16 hours a day, 7 days a week on an online world. Now to your questions.

1. Would a computer game keep you from being with a beautiful woman you loved that you had many interests in common with?

Well, back when I was playing constantly.....yes. When it comes to an addict, you have to realize that the gaming world they are playing in has such a control over them that the only thing they want to do is be in it. I remember back when I played Ultima Online, nothing and i mean nothing could drag me off of it. Because the online world is constantly evolving, you don't want to be away from it for a minute because you think of what might happen if you leave. Even if you love someone or something, it is extremely hard to pull yourself away. At least it was for me.

2. Is it really possible to love another when you're in the midst of pure game addiction?

It is always possible to love someone, but having a relationship with that person is an entirely different story. As I stated, it comes down to never wanting to leave the game. I remember I used to leave school after 2 periods just so I could come home and play UO. With that kind of addiction it is hard to connect with someone else outside of your online world.

3. Is there any way at all that I can help him? I care for him so much. I just completed a Master's in Psychology but I have no clue what to do when it comes to him?

Try getting involved in his game with him and see what he is going through and then set up a process from there to help ween him off of it. It is very hard to get an addict away from their world. It just takes a lot of time and understanding that even if they wanted to escape it is very difficult. Trust me, it messes with the mind in a horrible way.

4. Is it possible to come from a really good family (which he has always claimed) and still be a 38 year old with 2 divorces, 4 kids with no contact, unemployed and a gaming addict? I just can't believe his childhood was as good as he says if this is how he has ended up: Am I a Pollyanna?

It is very possible. You have to realize that these MMORPGs like WoW, Everquest, and UO have a power over people which can cause them to pretty much turn away from everything important in their lives just to get more time to play. It happened to me and it took a long time to correct the problem.

InSomeNiak
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Re: It Hurts

"Insomniac (forgot exactly how you spelled it?"

In Some Niak (Niak = a mountain tent) A double meaning name for my late night gaming habits and my hermit-like lifestyle. Though i'm not neccesarily that type of person anymore.

"Thank you for your reply. I have no understanding of how a game could pull you away from fun things like traveling and being with someone you love (in the case of my addict)esp. cause I don't demand a commitment of any sort. But, it helps to realize that it is him/the addiction and not some flaw with me that keeps him from being even remotely available.
From a therapeutic standpoint, I know that recovery from any addiction is a long and painful process but the rewards in the end of being able to experience and deal with reality in a healthy way will overflow."

Well the fact is that the rewards for life are too few and far between. Also they can take much time to cultivate. Video games provide almost immediate satisfaction. And you get addicted and desensitized to it and end up needing more and more entertainment crammed into your day to satisfy you. From a gamer's point of view going on vacation is less enjoyable and a waste of time. Just look at all of the planning and preparing involved in going on vacation. Packing clothes, getting ready, booking hotel rooms, reservations, plans, driving far (maybe) etcetera. When he can simply press the on button of his computer and go on a "virtual" vacation.

And btw the same can be applied to relationships. I've had the same philosophy myself about relationships... that they are a waste of time. You have appointments, obligations, dinners, parties, social events to attend, birthdays to remember, gifts to buy for holidays and special occasions and on and on. The addict simply does not care to waste time on that "preparation" to be satisfied with love, togetherness, happiness, and sex. When he can get all of his satisfaction by simply pressing that on button. Anyhow, that's my take on it.

Aspen Hiker
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Re: It Hurts

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Edited by: Aspen Hiker at: 7/13/06 22:44

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