It`s so hard for me!

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alina
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It`s so hard for me!

Firs of all, please excuse my english, it`s not my mother tongue.

I have descovered this site and it was such a big chanse for me to understand what I`m going true. It helps alot to see that I`m not alone in this and to see that, in the other corner of the world, there are people with the same sorrow.

I just left my boyfriend, after two years and a half. In the same day I have descovered your site (God bless you all!) and started to understand that I`m not crazy and I`m not overreacting.

I feel empty, depressed and I cry alot. I`m not even sure if I made the right decision leaving him alone, with his addiction. I used to feel guilty that I don`t have a hobby, like he has, that I hate this game, that I need love and attention. I used to think that I`m not good enough for him to be his wife and mother for his future children... I used to cry, nag him and ask for love, for affection, for time together. His mother blamed me for not being able to pull him out of his gaming. She`s also desperate, and she forced me, somehow, to follow my own way, because I`m 30 years old and I need a real family, not the one I could have with his son.

Now that I start to understand that my significant other is in such a danger, I don`t feel I am a good Christian, and I have remords. I want to help him, I now I could, but he become such a difficult person since he is playing WOW... I look at him, I feel my heart full of love for him, but, when I talk to him, I feel like I`m hiting against a wall.
And what a pity! We have everything: a new, beautiful, big house, in the capital of our country, a small garden, where I wanted to see our future children playing, good jobs, money, good health...
And this game is taking everything from me! The man I love, my dreams... It`s just not fair!
I became hesitant, low self esteem woman, absent and sad. I just wanted to have a family with the man I felt in love with. I can`t just accept that "It wasn`t ment to be".

Am I selfish if I just run and don`t look behind me? There is any garantee in this world that I`m gonna meet the right man for me and I`ll live with him happy ever after?

I don`t have any bench-mark now, I`m just sick and tired of being treated like a furniture, like a pet, or like a house keeper.

I`ll stop here, because it`s hard for me to write, it`s easier to read in english. Everything I could write here, has been alreadyA written. I identify myself and my hurt feelings in every word I read.

Congratulations for those that abandoned the game. Best wishes for the family members, I empatise with you! And I need advices from you all. Thank you!

J. DOe
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Re: It`s so hard for me!

Welcome, alina, to OLG-Anon. As for your English, don't worry about it since I did not have any trouble understanding you which is the important thing. I am sorry to hear that you have left your boyfriend. However, as you may have read here from other people in a similar situation to you, trying to stay with an addicted gamer to become a wife and mother is not a good choice to make. As for feeling guilty or selfish about leaving him, you should not be. You have to look out for yourself and do what is best for you. It sounds like you did your best to try to help him but he ultimately makes his own choices regarding what he does or does not do. Nonetheless, as you can see if you read some of the stories in the "I need Help for Gamers" message board, there are also quite a few even very addicted gamers who have been able to overcome their problems. You may wish to let your former boyfriend know about this site. He will hopefully make the decision to try to help himself. Perhaps by leaving him, you will have now got him to truly notice what the gaming has done to your relationship and cause him to finally try to get help for his addiction problems. I wish you well and hope that you will soon find the man of your dreams, whether that be your former boyfriend after he has reformed himself (however, if so, please be very careful to try to make sure that he has properly dealt with his issues and, thus, will likely not return to this addiction or another one later) or somebody else.

- John O.

[em]Carpe Diem![/em] (Seize the Day!)

SnowWhite
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Re: It`s so hard for me!

It's not healthy for you to stay in a relationship like that at all. I am very proud of you for leaving, and it's not your fault you couldn't pull him out of his gaming addiction. you need to live your life and manage things in a healthy way, not being walked all over by your boyfriend. We're not supposed to live like that. You're definately not alone. I've seen gaming do so much damage to marriages and children, thankfully you didn't have either. :) Best wishes

"This is the end...." The Doors

gsingjane
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Re: It`s so hard for me!

Hi and welcome to our community! I bet any one of us would be proud to have the facility in a language other than English, that you do in English. You make yourself understood very well. I am not a minister or a Bible scholar, but it has never been my understanding that, as Christians, we are obliged to stay in situations that we cannot change or "fix." Look, Jesus gave his message to lots and lots of people who chose to reject it and he didn't just keep preaching and preaching to no avail, he moved on. Remember, "brush the dust off your feet?" This is why we have free will, we can open our ears and hearts for understanding or we can close them, the choice is up to us. Just as the choice was and is up to your boyfriend. It might be the case that one day he'll wake up to what he's lost by compulsive gaming, and he'll come back to you and want a fresh start or another chance. I wouldn't bet on it, though: sometimes people have an awful farther to go down before they get to that place where the truth can come in. And you may have moved on in your life well before then. The answer is NOT to stick in this situation, trying to fix what is, at the moment, unfixable. You were not and are not responsible for his happiness and well-being. Look after yourself and be well, that is the most you can - and should be expected to - do. Peace, Jane in CT

J. DOe
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Re: It`s so hard for me!

Alina, one thing that I forgot to mention in my earlier post is that if by "I don't feel I am a good Christian" you mean that you think that you did not do enough to try to help him (if I misinterpreted what you meant, I apologize), then you should not think that way. As an adult with his own free will, there is really only so much that you can do to help him if he is not willing to change, and it sounds like you did really try to help him. He made his own choices that did not include many of the things that you wanted and which are required for any relationship to be successful. Note that a romantic relationship is essentially a partnership between two people who need to, a quite large extent, be understanding and accommodating of each other. Unfortunately, I do not see that happening any time soon if you had decided to stay in your relationship. I am sorry if it sounds a bit harsh, but that is the way that I see it. Also, one other thing is that in addition to the "I need Help for Gamers" message board, the "Progress Report" board is another good one where there are many stories of addicted gamers who are recovering. You may wish to read some of them yourself to give you some understanding from his viewpoint, as well as hope for him. Also, you should mention this site to your former boyfriend since it may potentially help him.

- John O.

[em]Carpe Diem![/em] (Seize the Day!)

alina
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Re: It`s so hard for me!

J. D`Oe, Snow White, Gsingjane, thank you for your time and for your patience. It`s so important and wholsome when someone is writing someting especially for you!
Since we brocke up , a week ago, I keep reading the posts here. I take notices, I underline in my mind facts, conclusions, I sigh, hope for the best, but prepare for worst.
The truth is that my boyfriend do not consider me desirable enymore, because I become his nany, mother, policeman, and far too "demanding" for him. Once, when he accepted spend time with me, he told me " I`ll spend time with you, I just hope you will be entertaining as my game is." I was shocked... When I used to tell him " you play too much, 10, 12, 14 hours, it`s too much!", his answer was " yep, I know,and I keeeeep playing! Do something, get a hobby, get of me!" To every sentence that I started with the words "let`s...", his answer was "nope, I don`t feel like!" I get more and more angry and frustrated, I left hisA home many times, and let him playing, while he was smiling to his monitor. He never call back, never care, never fight. I understand that he started to not like me enymore, because I hate what I become, myself. No one understand why I keep this relationship.
When he call me, he never really care about how I am, but where I am, and with who. I am worryed about him, about his health, because he smokes four and a half packs of tigarettes on day, while he`s playing. It`s imposible to breath around him. He has an unhealthy lifestyle. In week-ends, he try to spend time with me, looking at movies in bed with me. 1-2 hours on day. That`s all. We have no friends. We don`t talk: I talk and he pretend to listen. He remove the headset of one of his ear, screem "what?! ...Yeah, wright! Let me be, if you stay here, shut up! You talk too much!" When I first know him, he was such a jovial, intelligent, humorist, energetic and thoughtful young man! I regret some beautiful moments we had together and I cry. But it`s time for me to move on. One day I will fell good enough and prepared for a new relationship. For him it`s easy: he just doesn`t care, he has the game and the friends from the guild. He will probably take a month off the game to find a new girlfriend on the internet, to bring her to his place, instead of me, to keep an appearance of normality in his life. And he will sacrifice her too in the name of his game. It`s very hard, he ment alot to me, I have beautiful memories with him, but it`s time to let go and let God... I can`t have a purpose that I don`t believe in... BUT I won`t let things this way. I will speek about this addiction on forums in my country, in my language. I will say about this site and the others like yahoo group for widows, wow detox... I`ll involve myself. And, when I`ll get the whole picture, I will talk to him about this. Maybe he will help himself, when he will get enough, and when he will be ready to listen. Now he`s not, and he will reject and hate me. Thank you for reading and encourage me to write in english.

Gamersmom
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Re: It`s so hard for me!

Welcome Alina! You are making good decisions, even though they are very hard decisions to make when you love someone so much. The truth is, he is no longer the man you fell in love with. The game has made him a different person. I'm sure you've noticed that we have an international forum further down the list here. We are hoping to be able to welcome people who speak many different languages. If the language you speak is not represented there yet, could you post something welcoming those who speak your language? Maybe others from your country will respond and feel more comfortable communicating in their own language. If your language is represented there, feel free to respond and keep the conversation going.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

breakfast.craft
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Re: It`s so hard for me!

Hi Alina, Thank you for your post. If I wasn't CERTAIN that I'd lose the people who love me, I'd still be addicted to this day. In fact, I am addicted, but I just don't indulge it for the sake of my parents, my siblings, friends and the love of my life. So, you're not selfish for leaving, for moving on: you're leading by example. As you move on to the better life you seek, you're in fact teaching your Ex-boyfriend to do the same. It may seem like you're moving further away, leaving him behind but, in fact, your action, of sailing onwards is the best way to SHOW the person whom you used to love how to come back to himself. It's a strange thing to do and also the only healthy thing to do and kudos to you for finding the strength to see you through your hardship. I know from experience it's not easy. Having been online for hundreds of hours and being a social person, I know what online communities are like, I know what it is like to be devoted to a guild and even to be very, very fond of the people in the guild: IT DOESN'T LAST. Online communities are fragile and are constantly coming together and breaking apart. One day, your ex-boyfriend will turn around and see what he's lost. The only way to be of any use to yourself or to him when he does is to find the strength to pursue a rich life, with people who enjoy your company and whose company you're encouraged to be playful, imaginative and creative in. Good luck, Alina. Thank you for sharing!

alina
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Re: It`s so hard for me!

Gamersmom, I did what you suggested. It`s a good idea. Thank you. You`re so right, Breakfast.craft. I now try to help myself, because I am incredibly depressed. I feel empy, I don`t know what to do with my time. It`s so ironic. I miss my man. And it`s still hard for me.

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