looking for advice about a birthday (written by princessmom recovered by lizwool)

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lizwool
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looking for advice about a birthday (written by princessmom recovered by lizwool)

princessmom
Joined: 2014-01-09

Tomorrow is my gamer husbands birthday. I have gotten him a small gift and a nice cake. I plan to make a favorite dinner as well, but I am not inclined to do much else.We have 5 kids at home and want to celebrate this in a normal way for them.Before the addiction started (11 months ago) the kids would make cards, we would invite parents..and make a big deal of it. I am not happy, He logged 62 hrs.playing his game last week..ignoring, neglecting, & having angry outbursts. I want to be mature and not petty about his birthday, but also dont want to send a message of endoresement. I hope i am doing the right thing, but am not sure. I have been very detached lately, and have not fed, interacted, or anything while he has been gaming. Please let me know if this sounds like a balanced plan.

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Recovered reply to post written by mommy3 added by lizwool
Posted on: Wed, 02/12/2014 - 12:18am new #1
mommy3
Joined: 2013-01-14

Princessmom,
I think you know I am the mom of a "recovered gamer" son. My perspective may be very different than that of a wife or recovering gamer but here goes...
I don't feel this is enabling at all. I think it's important to take opportunities from time to time to show respect for "the person", but not the addict. It seems you're already making it clear that you're not endorsing by not feeding and interacting. As a mother, I think it's healthy too for your kids to have the opportunity to express whatever love they feel for their father. I think some normality is a good thing.
That's just my gut feeling...may not be the best option though. This is not my area of experience. I'm sorry you have to even think about this. Hugs.

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Recovered reply to post written by cdgoldilocks added by lizwool

Posted on: Wed, 02/12/2014 - 2:11am new #2

cdgoldilocks
Joined: 2013-10-28

I think your birthday effort/gesture is totally adequate and appropriate. He is still a human being, and it isn't a huge inconvenience to make dinner, get a cake and small gift. It shows some thought and effort, but you didn't kill yourself over it.
i think you have to do what YOU feel ok with doing right now. It sounds like from what you said that you were totally content with the effort put in your plans. It is your life, so do what works for you.
i would do the same, and have for quite a few years. Kids benefit from the normalcy I believe.

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Recovered reply to post written by princessmom added by lizwool

Posted on: Wed, 02/12/2014 - 5:19am new #3
princessmom
Joined: 2014-01-09

Thank you mommy3 & goldilocks, I felt sort of silly posting this at all. Your answers actually reinforced that what I am doing is right for me. I do realize that ultimately I decide what to do, but am very concerned about enabling him. Your words about treating him like a person were good to hear, sometimes it is hard :)

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Recovered reply to post written by mommy3 added by lizwool

Posted on: Wed, 02/12/2014 - 9:57am new #4
mommy3
Joined: 2013-01-14

I hope your husband, you and the kids, have a happy birthday celebration and hope that your husband will realize the gift he has in you and seek the help that he needs. Hang in there and never feel silly about posting anything. While we many not all be in the same place, all of us here at OLGA share many of the same internal struggles. As you know, it helps others to know they are not alone in having to deal with uncomfortable feelings and situations and we can all walk the pathway to a better life together. Let us know how it goes.

Liz Woolley