I joined up awhile ago and this site has been really helpful. My husband has been playing computer games and video games for several years (we've been married for 9 years). He's never been addicted to the extent that it's affected his work performance or hygiene and he does a good share of household chores. However the games are his ONLY pastime other than occasional TV shows and movies. When we first met he had a few good friends and we all had some mutual interests but fairly soon he withdrew from those activities and lost touch with his friends. He hasn't ever disliked my friends but there have only been three that he could be convinced to join for any kind of outing. Since those people moved I've given up on getting him to go for any outing except grocery and household shopping and occasional fast food meals. He doesn't talk much and I also used to really try to draw him into conversation (any kind, small talk,current events, computer questions etc.) , but I realized I was just an idiot trying to say things to the back of his head while he played the games, and getting one or two word replies. This makes me feel really sad because while we were dating we had really long, interesting conversations and we seemed to have a lot in common, reading, music, art, culture. As it turns out he rarely if ever reads, and doesn't want to go to real-life concerts, or art galleries, sports events, or other performances, or even out for Sunday brunch. He plays the computer games every evening and most of the weekends. His life just seems so limited. I do go by myself to some social events and spend time with my friends, but for some of the things I want to do it just makes me sadder to think about going alone. I work all day Saturdays and recently I've realized that I enjoy spending the day with my co-workers more so than spending Sunday at home with him playing computer games all day.
I've told him how I feel but he has said he sees no reason to change. I've asked him to go to counselling many times over the years, and he's always refused (that should have been one of my first warning signs, I think). When I let any emotion out, that makes him shut down even more. Even if he stopped playing computer and video games I don' t know that it would help our relationship. I guess it's just his basic personality that makes him feel comfortable in the virtual world and have no interest in the real world. (His mother and one brother also seem addicted, to computers and previously to cigarettes). I also know (because he's said it) that he's disappointed that I don't have a better job and make more money. I've been through depression in the past and I know I need to work on myself and my own life to live up to my potential, but I feel like I can't get over grieving for the life I thought we would have together. Just feeling sad about it is sucking up a lot of my energy.