a marriage can't survive on leftovers

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jjolli
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a marriage can't survive on leftovers

I have been reading the book "Today Matters" by John C Maxwell. It's really a "how to succeed" in business book but could be a "how to succeed" in life book. In it he says " ...a marriage can't survive forever on leftovers. It must be fed continually, or it will starve." That's how I feel being married to a gamer-that I am trying to survive on leftovers. That we're rarely "fed". I feel like I get his "leftover" time and attention. Of course, there's always the occasional "fast food" meal. When you get something quick and convenient that fills the need momentarily but really wasn't very nourishing. You try to be satisified when really you were hoping for a full 7 course meal. Yesterday was a little like "Thanksgiving". He played during the day but then went to the movies and dinner with me and our son. Although he immediately got on the computer when we got home, he didn't play (that I know of). Unfortuneately, after a big holiday meal, there are always leftovers. So now, we're back to that. Seems like it's feast or famine and right now I'm starving.

agb.sadwife
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jjolli, wow, what an honest

jjolli, wow, what an honest and accurate description of life with a gamer-, a starving marriage!! We get by on breadcrumbs most of the time! Although, I am tying to remember to" feed " myself and my daughter and rely less on my husband for quality time. My husband and I were talking about his long commute to his new job (2 hours each way). Even with being gone nearly 12 hours a day, he manages to fit in 4-6 hours of playing time on the game EVERY day during the week and at least double that on the weekend. So that leaves him very little sleep and of course no "leftover" time for me and my daughter. We are trying to sell the home and move closer to his new job and my school. I asked him how he was handling the commute and he said "I'll do what I have to do for the family". . .of course I am grateful that he is working so hard to support us. Why can't that spill over into the rest of his life? Sorry if I sound like I am complaining. Here is a man who is working hard to take care of his family, and somehow manages his "second job" of gaming so well- he stays fairly functional even after a 60 hour work week and at least 40 hours on the game! I wish I felt compassion for him. But instead, I am so incredibly sad and lonely and hopeless! We barely converse anymore except text messages with necessities like "get gas" or "milk".

bgh
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After those 100 hours, that

After those 100 hours, that leaves 68 hours for everything else. Sleep: 42 hours @ six hours per night leaves just 26 hours. Eating/Getting Ready For Work: 7 hours at least... we're down to 19 hours Commuting: 1 hour per day for most people... 12 hours TV: 2 hours per day... time's up, and we're in a deficit. Wouldn't it be nice to have that 40 hours for something meaningful?

The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
____________________________________

Gnosis
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I can't believe that married

I can't believe that married people would rather play a game than spend time with their family. Makes me wonder if they ever loved their partners or if they got married because it's what everyone does.

An hour of gaming is an hour wasted.

mingo
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Gnosis--I’m 46 same age as

Gnosis--IaEU(tm)m 46 same age as my wife and I can assure you that we have had a very fulfilling marriage and wonderful life together but she became addicted to gaming and it has caused us much grief, so much so that we almost ended in divorce.. Addiction in my opinion is like any other disease and if you allow it to progress it will eventually cause great harm to every aspect of a relationship, spiritually, emotionally, financially, you name it.. It changes a person pathologically and profoundly. It will destroy that person if it is not dealt with in a very proactive way in my estimation.. Our lives together will never be quite the same after this but as long as we are on the positive and productive path as opposed to the negative and destructive path brought about by aEUoeaddictionaEU we will get along.. Love for me matures and means different things as I grow older.. It used to have a passion that burnt in my heart and I felt in every cell of my body and now it is an ember that glows deep inside me.. People change, situations change, love and emotions change but I wonaEU(tm)t let an addiction ruin either of our lives if I can help it..

John of the Roses
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mingo wrote: It changes a
mingo wrote:

It changes a person pathologically and profoundly. It will destroy that person if it is not dealt with in a very proactive way in my estimation.

Eloquently and frankly said!

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

Cyphersnow
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jjolli wrote: I have been
jjolli wrote:

I have been reading the book "Today Matters" by John C Maxwell. It's really a "how to succeed" in business book but could be a "how to succeed" in life book. In it he says " ...a marriage can't survive forever on leftovers. It must be fed continually, or it will starve."

That's a great quote/idea! I'm going to be sure to remember that. Have you spoken to him about wanting more quality time each day?

The only winning move is not to play.

mscorpio76
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Wow...reading what you wrote

Wow...reading what you wrote really just hit me like a ton of bricks. That's EXACTLY how I have felt! I started crying while I was reading especially when I realize just how "hungry" I've been for anything from him. Thank you so much for sharing that!

jjolli
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I'm working on finding ways

I'm working on finding ways to "feed" myself and my kids. I'll always "set a place" at our table for my husband. Hopefully, he'll decide to join us.

jessicatombs
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In using the analogy of a

In using the analogy of a marriage needing to be fed, I think our children and I are anorexic! What really touched me was you comment about 'setting a place for you husband', brought me to tears. This comment applies to our lives literally and figuratively speaking.Spending dinner at the table with an empty chair and empty place setting breaks my heart daily. i as well hope that some day my husband will choose to rejoin us as well.

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