Mother in Law

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Last seen: 9 years 1 week ago
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Joined: 01/24/2009 - 10:43pm
Mother in Law

His mom is staying in our house for the next week. Because both of her boys play WoW and she lives out of state, she has started playing as well. . . to connect with her boys and feel like she "fits in" with a group.

This morning I woke up to her playing the game on my husband's computer and my daughter sitting on her lap. I couldn't believe it. I told her "its not personal, but I don't want her sitting on your lap while you play". She got off of the game almost immediately (but with absolutley no embarressment). I don't think that she plays nearly as excessively as my husband, but because he and his brother play-- it only reinfornces that it is perfectly fine pass time. The Mother in Law once told me "well at least he isn't at the bar drinking or picking up other women"!!! Are those my choices? Gaming, drinking or womanizing- gaming such an innocent hobbby- I guess I should be grateful that I am such a lucky lady (the synacism and anger is strong in me today).

My husband even tried to pick a fight about a bill that was accidently paid late by me. . . I think it was his sorry attempt to try to make it seem like our problem is about money (deflecting from the REAL issue between us).

I feel like its me against the husband and his Mommy who is willing to defend and fight his battles for him. I still have refrained from stating the true issue at hand. . . I know my husband knows deep down, but is grasping at any other weakness in our marriage to try to deflect from the true problem.

Last seen: 10 years 9 months ago
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Joined: 01/19/2009 - 10:42pm
I understand totally. My

I understand totally. My hubby does the same thing. He can't/won't admit he has a problem but if he did it would be my fault. He has even blamed his gaming on the fact that I spent so much time with my daughter while she was growing up. She has been out of the house for 4 years and across the country so I rarely even see her. So what's his excuse now? I'm a little angry today, myself.

dawn's picture
Last seen: 11 years 6 months ago
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Joined: 08/21/2008 - 7:32am
I began gaming because I

I began gaming because I thought it would connect me with my teenage son. This was the truth but not for long. My son played here and there but I became addicted. I tried to put the blame on my husband for being gone so long at work. Well why on earth would he want to come home to an addict? As an addict it was necessary for me to blame everything and everyone outside of myself so I wouldnt have to take responsiblity for my actions. It is sick and harmful and nothing i am proud of. Justifying MY actions by making it someone elses "fault" is just another sign of addiction. It is about their sickeness not you. Although that does not stop the pain or the anger. :grouphug: Dawn

Take the first step in faith. You donaEU(tm)t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.
~Bob Newhart
The minute you alter your perception of yourself and your future, both you and your future begin to change. ~Marilee Zdenek

sandi64's picture
Last seen: 10 years 12 months ago
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Joined: 01/25/2009 - 7:50pm
Hey there...Ya, and I bet

Hey there...Ya, and I bet your mom in law thinks she is being a good, involved gma with your daughter while she is sitting on her lap...ugg! This game and addiction make me sick! Sorry! I feel so bad for you! I think you said exactly the right thing to her. Perfect! Good luck the rest of the week...keep us posted

Delirium's picture
Last seen: 8 years 9 months ago
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Joined: 01/07/2009 - 2:50pm
LOL...She must think highly

LOL...She must think highly of her son if she thinks if he isn't gaming he'll be boozing and fooling around. Wow...just wow...but insightful. I think that attitude from spouses/parents/friends is part of the problem. Heck, I've even used that reasoning on myself when my wife was 3000 miles away in school. "Well, I could be wasteing time in more expensive ways". But I could have also "done more work on my house, my old car, etc" instead of wasting my time gaming. I started playing WoW to get an alternative way to hang out with my best friend when we were transfered too far away to really hang out anymore. We'd game here and there and it was innocent enough. He never got addicted, I did. Oh well. Remember...stay strong and keep on the high road. Don't get pulled down. The quickest way to deflate an escalating temper is not to feed it.

"Falling down is not a failure. Not getting back up is the true failure"

Last seen: 9 years 1 week ago
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Joined: 01/24/2009 - 10:43pm
She thinks that the game is

She thinks that the game is "harmless". . .even though she plays daily, I don't think she knows or realizes the extent of her son's gaming. Perhaps even if she did, she would still think that it was acceptable. But what she needs to realize is that if it is a problem for ME, than it is surley is a problem for her son too! This past weekend everything came to a head. I had been doing so well handling my frustration and anger, but the tension and stress of his Mom staying with us was too much for me! We had several explosive arguments and finally went out for a walk. For a few minutes, I had a small acknowledgement of the gaming problem from my husband. He even agreed to see a specialist counselor (if I would see a counselor for myself as well!) I told him that I had some names of specialists that I could give him (not telling him that they were from the Professionals listed on this website). He was so desperate to get some resolution at that time, that he agreed. Now it remains to be seen if he actually follows through. . . he has played like usual since we had the conversation. . . and even if he does see a professional who specializes in gaming addiction, is it going to make him believe that he has a problem? Or is he going just to appease me? He could be thinking once or twice if it makes her happy. . . . So I remain still cautiously hopeful. At least he has finally acknowledged that I am very serious about this issue. Do I still have to prepare that he will not realize the problem for himself? Yes. I am prepared to take the final step and move on if I have to. Five different counselors in five years has not made any lasting change in our relationship, so I do not have much hope:(

BigH501's picture
Last seen: 8 years 11 months ago
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Joined: 12/15/2006 - 10:31am
Only he will know for sure

Only he will know for sure if he "truly" realizes he has a problem, and then HE needs to want to work on that problem. Unfortunatly part of the problem is the addict in him will say anything to make the current issue die down so he can get back to his game (fix). .


he has played like usual since we had the conversation. . .

. I could be mistaken, but this makes it seem to me that he is not serious... . :|

" ... don't question it just go" "... where the body goes the mind will follow"
Borrowed from "Desire to Stop"

sladdiction's picture
Last seen: 2 months 1 week ago
OLGA member
Joined: 02/11/2009 - 10:19am
As others have suggested in

As others have suggested in the past in here, maybe show this website to your husband and his mother. It can be an eye-opener to read the stories in here. At least, if they are even a little bit open-minded, it will show them that the game is not "harmless" for many. I would also make the point that if the game is so harmless, then why can't it be given up if its causing a strain on the marriage? What's more important: a game or a marriage? Of course, if you mother-in-law is an addict as well, this argument probably wouldn't work. Good luck and many blessings,

Addicted to SL

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