Hello, im new here...and tbh i never thought i had to post in a forum like this one..
I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half, everything is perfect...if it wasnt because of his addiction.
We met on WoW, we both raid in the same guild (sunday to thursday 3 hours each day), he's the GM.
Anyways...we've have a LOT of fights because of his addiction, we recently got to an agreement where we would raid 4 days instead of 5 but he still raids 5 days...i have to cry,yell to him, fight, so he can come to my house instead of playing :( i couldnt care less if i dont go to a raid, why he cant think like me? :( If i dont tell him i wanna meet him we could go a week without seeing each other, it sucks.
Im so tired about this, we just had a fight (well..it was like always, me crying and he leaving my house) because he cant miss the **** raid, i cant understand why he cant miss ONE raid day, am i asking for too much? :( We dont have much time to be together because he works all day , and the free time he has he spends it on wow, so we meet like 2 times a week for..an hour? because he gets to my house at 7 and we have raid at 8:30, and then friday and saturday nights only...because saturday evenings are for 10 man raids -.- ive told him a lot of times that i need to be more time with him, hell hes my bf i would be all day with him :( but it seems like he doesnt care...
What should i do? ive tried to quit the game so he quits too but im not sure if thats the solution, why should I stop playing if i dont have addiction problems?
Please help me, i dont wanna break up with him i love him so much :( but im just so tired that i have to fight with him so he can stop playing and see me :(
Starblack 12, this is the difference between a casual gamer (you) and an addict (your boyfriend).
You can walk away from the game; he can't. Being a GM is not helping either. It's a huge responsibility in a raid guild in wow. (Been there, done that myself.)
Honestly, unless he sees his own gaming as a problem....he won't be changing no matter what you say.
Sadly look at some of the posts of the wives/mothers who go through this with their husbands or boyfriends.
You have to say to yourself: "Does he see his gaming as a problem. Yes or no? If he doesn't think it is an issue and blames you for nagging, then you need to ask yourself how long will you tolerate him in your life?"
Only you can answer those questions.
Good luck.
The question is....will you be able/courageous/adult enough to sacrifice that which merely pleases you...for that which will truly fulfill you? That is the question of personal growth.
~~~Dem518
~~~wow-free since 8/22/09
you can find a better boyfriend, maybe try to find one through other means, not from an MMO
it's hard to accept that he's an addict, then again do you really want to be with that kind of guy ?
give yourself some time and think about it
If you play video games, turn them off once in a while and rejoin life. Some of us here like you, don't ask me why.
If he is not interested in spending much time with you then he doesn't seem like much of a boyfriend...
It may sound harsh but you would probably do well to just move on... Find somebody who appreciates YOU and want to be with you. It sounds like that is what you really want and he is not giving it to you...
" ... don't question it just go" "... where the body goes the mind will follow"
.
Borrowed from "Desire to Stop"
Well he called me last night and we had this fight ( i was like the only one fighting...he was so calm) where i told him he didnt care about me and he's priority was the game and he told me he already talk with a friend and hes gonna give the gm to him, and that i was crazy that he never preffered to play instead being with me..yeah right and that he will raid 3 days only down from 5.
Well so i told him i dont believe him coz he always says the same thing, i consider myself as an addict to wow too because i play like 6-7h a day when i have nothing to do, but the difference between him and i is that i can stop playing if he tells me to go out or if i have something more interesting to do, i know he doesnt and it kills me that i am the one that has to say hey "i wanna see you".
So when i saw the convo was going nowhere i told him we should meet today to talk, i wrote him an email also telling him that is wow or our relationship, i really didnt want to get to an ultimatum but the game is ruining our relationship (only fights we have is about the game, be it because he preffers to play or in-game problems..i know pathetic) and that we should quit together so its easier for us, im sure there are a lot of more interesting stuff to do together than being in front of a pc.
What should I do if he says he wont quit but he promisses me he will play 3 days instead of 5?
If he tells me he will quit can you give me any ideas of what to do in that time we were playing wow?
'What should i do? ive tried to quit the game so he quits too but im not sure if thats the solution, why should I stop playing if i dont have addiction problems?'
Hello, Starblack, welcome and I am sorry your gaming is bringing you the unhappiness it brings to many.
Your boyfriend has addiction problems because he wants to raid one day more than you do? Are you very sure he is the only one with an addiction?
While I am not very well versed in the gaming culture, it appears to me that gamers are becoming emotionally attached to pixels, then when the pixels come to life, they are not quite so attractive.
I think you need to examine your self first- take stock of where you are.
Your boyfriend will not be changed by crying, threatening or anything else.
hi starblack,
From your MMO boyfriends point of view, he probably sees it as though he sees you all the time. Considering your in the same guild and that you raid at the same time.
And as the_real_me said, he is the GM and that's a tuff spot too be in.
Good luck!
I think you should count your blessings that you aren't married.
He may offer up less playing time at first...but I guarantee he will slide back if he doesn't give up completely. If you guys are in a guild and he is a leader of any kind of that guild, if it raids 5 days a week, he will feel left out only playing 3 raids a week. Then he'll resent you, make you feel bad, and eventually have you make your idea that he raids more again.
Trust me...the story has been played out many times.
Maybe it's time you take a break from one another. Let him sort his priorities. If you are a priority, he will give up gaming. If not, then you know where you stand and better find out now and be out then in a few more years and married.
On the same token though, maybe you should try giving up the gaming full time too to make sure you aren't addicted as well. If you guys are that bored for 7-8 hours a day, maybe you should try spending that time together more productively.
-Slade
"Falling down is not a failure. Not getting back up is the true failure"
Starblack12, your in a really tough situation of watching someone you care about and have a lot in common with destroy your relationship with one another. I can tell you, as someone who has been there as both an addict to MMO's and a guild/raid leader asking him to just step aside if asking the world of him and the only real option is to quit the game and go cold turkey for a while. Being in that leadership role you feel a sense of responsibility as well a sense of power. People look to you for the guidance and leadership they need and its empowering. Even if you step aside and give the mantle of guildleader and raid leader people will still be constantly looking to you for that same leadership, its human nature. The only way to change that is to quit, to simply say that you will not do this anymore, and your boyfriend must understand that if he wants this relationship with you to work he has to be willing to make that sacrifice. If he is unable to make that sacrifice and take a break from the game then you aren't the priority you need to be in his life and you need to find someone who will put you as the priority in their life, not the game and the lives/time of others who are avatars on a screen.