My Husband Is Addicted To Evony & Thinks I Have The Problem!

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armyangell
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Hi Haymal, Yes your husband

Hi Haymal,

Yes your husband and my bf are in the same alliance.

tiredofevony
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So what a bunch of

So what a bunch of ******!

I give up he's still playing that stupid game. He will quit playing evony I know that for sure as Final Fantasy 14 is coming out the end of sept this year. Then he will be involved in that game. Were behind in our rent and on most of our bills because he's not bringing in that much money with his buisness right now. We are living solely on my income. I'm sorry $1200 a month does not pay rent, daycare, food and other bills. There is only so long a person can live this way. I'm giving him the ultimatium soon prolly within the week....me and his son or the game and he can forget about final fantasy when it comes out. If this fantasy world of his that he's living in is more important than his RL one we won't be around long. You don't know what you have til it's gone is such the right saying but the problem is not just realizing what you've lost but the fact that you might never get it back.

I'm just tired of everything coming before me. He used to make me feel so special, like nothing in the world mattered but me. That was before the game appeared.

He made a comment this weekend that men don't change, if the woman is happy and can live her life within his lifestyle they will be happy. (he was talking about a friend of mine I haven't seen in years and her boyfriend.) Don't think he realized that when applied to our situation it screams RUN!

bitcrasher
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Tired, I seriously feel for

Tired, I seriously feel for you. I can't imagine the feelings your are experiencing regarding your situation right now. But I must say I disagree with that frame of mind your husband commented on, being a man myself. Men - and indeed anyone - CAN change. It's all up to the individual. I don't believe one person should have to "fit" into the other's lifestyle; their lifestyles should fit in each other's in order for a relationship to flourish.

I certainly hope you are in the process of building a life for you and your son, since he matters most of all. I don't much like the idea of a split family, but as the son of divorced parents, I can tell you that life does go forward and your son will be just fine, especially with a strong parent there to keep him learning and growing, which I don't doubt you will.

While I send you my best wish that your husband wises up, I know that doesn't always happen, and so wish you and your little boy the best in a productive and happy future. Be strong, keep your head high, and you will perservere.

-- If fun, adventure, and companionship is what you seek, look away from the monitor and out the window. It's been out there all along, waiting for you to go out and find it. So much to see and do, and you'll never be alone if you don't want to be.

Haymal
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People can change, if they

People can change, if they want to. Our addicts may need help but they can change. Why do men think that woman should just fit into their lives and interests? Why do men thinks that woman have no other interest than to immerse themselves into their lives?

I'm so tired of feeling like a loser. Unless I issue an ultimatium I don't think things will ever change...why is it up to me to initiate everything? why? why? why? I'm not enabling in an obivous way but by staying I feel like I condone his behavior. I don't have any idea what he honestly thinks or feels about anything anymore. I don't even know if he knows what the truth is anymore.

I'm so disgusted with my life and myself for doing nothing of value with it. I mean, what's the point? I don't even feel any emotion towards him, it's shifted to myself. I'm so self-absorbed it's crazy. I'm in my head all the time. Not a great way to keep friends or make new ones. I was feeling healthier but lately not so much. I want my old life back...but then I reflect on what I want back? I'm not sure it was that good to begin with, but at least we talked to each other and did things together...I'm rambling. I hate Evony.

lonelylady
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OMG, I feel like after

OMG, I feel like after reading these posts I've been writing them myself. Evony started out as a 'fun' game that my husband wanted to try. As a matter of fact, I decided to try Evony myself since he seemed to like it so much. Well, very quickly I realized it will take over your life. So since I did try Evony, I do see what's going on with the game and know what it can do to your life. I had no problem stopping.. just said 'no more'! And that was it. I have plenty to keep me busy and didn't need Evony. I had read before of people playing Evony in the group we were in that they were quitting because it was taking too much time out of their 'real life'. Hurray for these guys!! To me, they realized the problem and nipped it in the bud. Oh, but not my husband. It took over and he's not the person he was. First of all, let me say, we've been happily married 35 years! Yes, 35 years. When Evony came in the picture, it started out slowly but now it consumes his every waking hour, except when he's at work. He doesn't have to go to work until like 12:00 noon. Our routine before Evony was he got up, took out the dog and made me coffee and brought it to me in bed and we would both sit in the bed, talk, drink our coffee and watch the morning news. It was relaxing start to the day and kept us connected. Now since 'hooked on Evony' came along, he gets up, lets out the dog and goes to Evony. Sometimes he gets up earlier and doesn't wake me and plays Evony. I think of it as his mistress. Now I usually have to get up now to get my coffee and I'll go back to bed (as our normal routine) and eventually he'll come in, maybe stay 15 minutes and then it's back to Evony. He will stay on Evony until the last second till he has to shower & get ready for work. Any second not spent getting ready for work, he's on Evony in the mornings. If I have breakfast sitting waiting, he'll have to go to the computer first, then immediately after breakfast, he'll be back at Evony, sometimes eating at the computer. He'll leave for work, but not before checking Evony one more time. He leaves it running and I cut it off after he leaves. I hate to even look at the screen. Then he returns from work around 10:00 pm or so, and takes his shoes off and goes to Evony. He'll check everything (which depending on what is happening, will take between 15 minutes or more), he'll then come by and say hello and change clothes and immediately go back to Evony, where he'll stay until bedtime. We used to watch a movie or TV when he came home from work, but not anymore. And if I'm lucky enough to have him in the same room, he'll pause what we're watching to go 'check Evony'. He may come back or he may not. I'll eventually go to bed (telling him I'm going to bed and read), but then I end up falling asleep. He comes to bed whenever.. (last nite it was 3:00 am). Sometimes he'll get up during the night claiming he can't sleep and he'll be on Evony. Then we start the same routine the next morning. I do the housework and chores around the house. He's always done the car maintenance, yard, home maintenance, etc. He's very mechancially inclined and can do practically anything electronically, plumbing, etc. Now he's let the home maintenance slide, I have siding that is coming off and I've asked & asked him to fix it. I asked him weeks ago if he would make me some tomato stakes for my tomatoes. I ended up going in the basement and found wood myself and did it. We've had a mole in our yard tearing our yard to pieces for months. I bought the trap months ago & he said he would fix it. Finally he did it the other day but the yard is torn up horribly now. He looks for things in the basement (which you can't even walk thru hardly because of all his tools, etc.) Today he was looking for something and I said if you'd take the time to clean it up and organize, you could find it and his response "I have things more important to do right now" HUH? What? I could go on and on... even my grown sons have noticed it. They say 'all dad does is stay at that computer on Evony'. Oh, he also secretly opened another bank account because I saw where he had spent $$ on this game from our account. He didn't realize the debit card would come to the house. When I told him we didn't have the money for his Evony addiction he got mad and said it was his money. Oh, and we're going on a cruise with my son and his wife this fall and he said he would be playing Evony on the cruise, and I said "OH, NO YOU WILL NOT"! And with that, I will enforce it. I mentioned it to him again today about playing Evony so much, that people say its addicting (he has been on it all day today since this morning, and he said "don't go there.. I don't want to hear it." So what do I do? I've never experienced anything like this in our 35 years of marriage.

dark (not verified)
Dear Lonely, As a recovering

Dear Lonely,

As a recovering gaming addict and husband of 24 years I understand your situation very well and see a lot of me in your husband.

I will share partly based on what is my experience and how my beautiful wife 'handled' me.

First I will say its easy for men of our age to get hooked on this stuff. I did and it brought me to my knees - almost ruined me financially and destroyed my family.

What is hard is that after so many years and experience together we let a lot of things go. Stuff isnt said. We get into routines. Etc etc.

You have to put this issue on the table where it belongs - addiction. Any reasonable person going through this site will see incontrovertible truth about gaming addiction and its consequences.

My wife told me I was an addict and I needed to get help. She said it over and over again. Finally it sunk in. But even after I knew this I could not stop.

Perhaps your husband is not as far gone as me.

What else to say - you cannot hide it. Maybe your children should know. Maybe his friends and colleagues. For him its more than a game, it is an addiction.

I hope this helps.

- dark

vmaxmasonrya
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my wife is addicted to

my wife is addicted to evony. **** THAT GAME!!!

it possesses her every day. I have to wait until the game pauses and "resets" at 2am for her to be engageable again. Then she wants to sleep and wake up and start farming again.

I wish I could leave but we have kids from 10 to 22 still in the house. She convinces them that I am the angry dad and that I am abusive.

Ariadne
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I am addicted.  I know

I am addicted. I know it. I read all the stories above and they sound like me. Especially the 'first thing in the morning, playing until I have to go to work, first thing when i get home, playing all evening, until i go to bed'. I also sometimes can't sleep and get up and play during the night. It's not just men who get addicted to Evony. I haven't quit yet. I'm just thinking about it. I'm at work on a lunch break and looking up this website, instead of pursuing the compulsion to check on my alliance an farm a little - just to see.....

Ariadne~
Letting go again - Change is never easy, I fight to hold on, and I fight to let go.

dustybaby
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My husband walked out on me

My husband walked out on me because of Evony, cleaned out our joint bank account, filed for divorce, had me evicted from where we lived (place belonged to his mother), and did other things too numerous to list here. I had once played the game with him because I thought maybe thats how we could spend time together. That didn't help at all. He stopped doing things around the house; we never went anywhere, just to work then home so he could play his game. He once got up and told me that he was my king. This has been the hardest 4 months of my life. It's like he had a stroke or something. Sometimes it hurts so bad when someone you've spent the last 14 years with won't even look you in the face and they act like your the criminal. He's still playing the game and living his royal life.

Haymal
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Thank you lonelylady,

Thank you lonelylady, vmaxmasonrya, Ariadne, dustybaby for sharing your heartbreaking stories. Ariadne, I hope you stay at this site and/or seek outside help to fight your addiction and leave Evony...my husband has been strangled by this addiction for 18 months and mostly I STILL can't believe I'm living this life. He still won't talk about it...he's "says" he's off the 3 other servers but I'm not sure whether he's telling me the truth or not...and I think he's confused by his own delusion. But he's still on with his alliance all the time and yes, he farms and sets up his raids before he goes to bed. Fight for Real Life, Ariadne, it's so much better than an empty computer screen.

vmaxmasonrya...I feel so bad...but at least you've found a place where you can see that YOU are not the crazy one. Taking care of your children is your first priority. You can't control your wife's behavior so you must work on your own life and your kids.

loneylady, your story is my story as you can see but after reading your post, (I'm married 16 years) I actually had a vision of myself in 20 years, living this same life...waiting for him to farm, raid, cooking for a ghost, avoid conversation about Evony...having no retirement, no dreams, nothing to plan, no one to plan with, I'm weeping as I write, and a little sick to my stomach. I've communicated this to my husband and he still plays Evony.

Hey, dustybaby, I'm so glad you posted here...so sorry for your husband just like I'm sorry for mine. They really are the big losers in this life...and remember one thing about "He's still playing the game and living his royal life" ALONE...he's living his royal life ALONE. After 14 years, you deserve better than that. You are better than that!

And dark, as always your insight is so appreciated and considerate. I'm so proud of your progress and your continued committment to your family (especially your FAB wife) and here on the website. I've decided to share your last post here with my husband...I'm scared and anxious but really, what's the worst than can happen...he continues Evony? he gets angry? or angrier? or leave? We'll see!

My heart hurts for all of us.

dustybaby
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Haymal, I only wish I had

Haymal, I only wish I had found this site BEFORE all this happened, but I'm pretty sure it started long before Evony. My husband had quit smoking 3 years ago (yeah for him!) and I think he may have substituted one addiction for another. I think that's pretty common. Yes, he's living his royal life ALONE, that's for sure. At this point, I kinda feel sorry for him and deep down I still do love him but after all that he's put me through, I doubt very sincerely if I would go back to him unless he got professional help. I tried communicating with my husband too but it pretty much fell on deaf ears. Oh, he agreed that he/we should only play it X amount of hours but that lasted one night. I finally stopped playing and he said he was too but I found out he was sneaking on to it behind my back. He even opened up his own checking account unknown to me so he could put his "allowance" money in there to spend on the game. He had all that sent to mommy's house. I hope you can get your husband to stop now because 16 years is a long time to throw down the drain over a stupid game. The people that you're talking to on the other end don't care one way or another how your "real life" is going....they're just into it for the 2 minute thrill they get attacking some newby. I'm 56 years old and lost everything, including a man I loved very much. Thanks Evony.

bgh
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Bad enough giving up your

Bad enough giving up your real life for a cutting edge, high quality video game; even these rudimentary little Flash-based games have a very strong appeal, which I will never really understand. Sorry to hear you're going through this tough time Dusty.

The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
____________________________________

dustybaby
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Thanks bgh, I will survive.

Thanks bgh, I will survive. I don't know what it is about the games. I can take them or leave them. I've seen my husband play one game while another one loads. It's sad that people have to resort to fantasy just to live their lives. I'm just glad we didn't have any kids together cause I've seen how he ignored his kids from his first marriage.

Ariadne
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I'm going to try to stay at

I'm going to try to stay at this site. I've given up all my hobbies. I'm going to try to get them back. I haven't stopped playing Evony yet, but i'm going back to the gym, and trying to put Evony down more. I started because i have a lot of alone time, as my husband's gone alot. When he's home he works on developing a database. I realy had no idea that this would be so inticing when i started. I had a 5 month online 'relationship' during my time in 7 months of evony, which was obsessing to me and my 'friend' on the other end. We literally spent probably 30 hours each week talking to each other in this game. How? After work, 3 hours each day, then easily another 15 between Saturday and Sunday. He finally broke free, and is trying to return to a normal life with his family, but he still thinks about evony too. For both of us, the relationship made things EVEN MORE addictive - our lives became each other and this game. He's encouraging me to quit now - but i tell him i'm still having fun there - which is true. He recently told me that, looking back, Evony was his first priority over his family and real life - even though he denied it at the time. I'm not sure what i'm denying at this point - probably something.

Ariadne~
Letting go again - Change is never easy, I fight to hold on, and I fight to let go.

juliadawn
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I totally feel all your

This comment has been moved here.

Ariadne
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i've destroyed the 3rd of my

i've destroyed the 3rd of my 4 accounts in evony now. I've begun telling the folks in my main account that i will be leaving soon. the more people who know my intentions, the easier it will be for me. I did farm for about 10 minutes today but talked to no one, and then came straight here. I did feel a little sick when i destroyed that 3rd account, but felt better afterward. One more to go. I've started spending down all the items i've saved in there. Am i delaying? probably. SHould i just go destroy the last one? Yes. Will I - i think so.

Ariadne~
Letting go again - Change is never easy, I fight to hold on, and I fight to let go.

GottaBeDone
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Oh Ariadne!  Rock on with

Oh Ariadne! Rock on with three accounts gone! Hey, do you have one of the thingy's that let's you change your game-name? No rush... But hang onto it. Good for you, girl! Keep breathing! There simply aren't enough exclamation points to commend your news!

Give me the wisdom to know what is right, and the courage to do it.
Give me the strength to change.
I left Evony on June 16, 2010 at 11:00 PM. Not the end but the beginning.

Haymal
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Hey Ariadne...yea for YOU! 

Hey Ariadne...yea for YOU! Get rid of them all...you are so brave and the sooner you get rid of the accounts, the sooner you can integrate back into YOUR real life! Keep coming here for encouragement, but know that your strength and desire for real relationships and real life experiences are the motivator. Stay Strong!!

I pray you destroy that last account and get healthy!

Haymal
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dustybaby, you are so

dustybaby, you are so right...16 years is alot to throw down the drain for a stupid game and I'm so scared (for him) that he'll do it. My husband is an Evony addict and can't see it, won't admit it and is avoiding the "pink elephant" in the room. I emailed him some of these posts on Friday (since he won't talk to me, I thought as least he reads his email, obsessively!) and asked him to read them so we could talk...he "scanned" my email and I think he was on holiday last weekend because he was very attentive and off the computer...however, that behavior is suspicious to me and doesn't resolve anything. I ask to talk, he says "sure", then nothing...the pattern repeats. And, I don't want to be part that pattern anymore.

EvoAddict
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WOW reading these posts have

WOW reading these posts have really opened my eyes and made me realise just how much my evony addiction is damaging me and the people around me. i am only 19, have been addicted to evony for a year now, im on it for up to 16 - 24 hours a day (depending on if i have something important to do during the day) it has COMPLETELY consumed my life, every activity i plan to do, wether its going out with friends or or just going to the shop for groceries, needs to be planned around evony. i aspired to be a criminal defence attorney, i was top of my class, had everything going for me, unfortunately in my senior year at high school i discovered evony through a friend as a distraction from problems/stress (yes us teens have stress aswell). my life has dramatically gone downhill from there, i am ashamed to say i went from being top of my class to being at the bottom, i have now finished school and tried to do a course as an easy way of getting into uni for my law degree. well that didnt quite go to plan, waste of my parents 20 thousand dollars to get me in, because of my evony addiction i only went for once or twice in a fortnight (was a 5 day a week course). i hate myself for throwing my life away over a stupid game but it HAS become my life, it has eaten at my soul, i feel like a zombie, just sitting in front of the laptop, day after day, night after night. im only on this site right now and not evony because my server is down, as i am waiting to login i became curious. to be honest i HATE this game, i feel it has ruined my life, if i am not able to get online even just for a few hours i become severely depressed. i often have nightmares about being kicked form my alliance and losing everything and i will wake up with tears in my eyes and my heart pounding from my chest. my family and friends have often tried intervening, it of course doesnt work it just makes me more furious, evony is my new found drug that keeps me alive and sane, but at the same time it is killing me mentally, it is a short term solution to my problems but in the long term only makes things ten times worse. my evony friends are the only friends i have and are all that matter to me.

over the year of playing, i have seen wives get on their husbands accounts and abuse us for taking him away from them and for ruining their family. this is always quite upsetting, especially when i know what beautiful families they all have, and wat htis game is making them miss out on.

my father is also addicted to evony, even more then me believe it or not, his addiction has teared my family apart, my parents are currently in the middle of a divorce, it has impacted my mum financially and mentally. he now is actually DATING one of his evony friends, he met up with her overseas and he has been flying back and forth ever since to be with her.

i hope like some i manage to overcome this addiction, but dont even bother trying to persuade me to quit though, it will NOT work, trust me. i dont think i ever will quit until i hit absolute rock bottom and have lost any essence of what my life was and what it sadly could have been. it makes me sad and angry at myself that i am not successful in life as i have dreamed of being ever since a child.

i hope this post will give some perspective of wat its like to be the addict, believe me, we want to quit and get out but it IS impossible. no addict will quit until they themselves feel ready to quit.

i wish all the best of luck to the friends and family of gaming addicts. im sorry to say that i dont think anything u do to help them will work, u just need to be patient and let time do its job, they will eventually come to a self realisation of the disaster they call a life, until that happens, take care of yourselves.

Currently playing evony as you read this.

Ariadne
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Evoaddict - i understand

Evoaddict - i understand your story - i'm also an evo addict. I found this place by searching for evony addiction in google, when i realized something was not right, and i was about to ruin my career. . I'm not free of evony yet, but i hope and plan to be soon. I hope you keep coming back here. You won't be sorry, no matter what you decide to do.

Ariadne~
Letting go again - Change is never easy, I fight to hold on, and I fight to let go.

John of the Roses
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EvoAddict wrote:   i hope
EvoAddict wrote:

i hope like some i manage to overcome this addiction, but dont even bother trying to persuade me to quit though, it will NOT work, trust me. i dont think i ever will quit until i hit absolute rock bottom and have lost any essence of what my life was and what it sadly could have been. it makes me sad and angry at myself that i am not successful in life as i have dreamed of being ever since a child.

i hope this post will give some perspective of wat its like to be the addict, believe me, we want to quit and get out but it IS impossible. no addict will quit until they themselves feel ready to quit.

It makes me sad too, that this is the disease talking here, cunning.... baffleing..... wants nothing good for us..... addiction in its grossest form.

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

gsingjane
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EvoAddict, Thank you for

EvoAddict,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I didn't even really know much about Evony, other than to see it advertised all over the web, but between that game and Second Life, boy oh boy is there some trouble brewing.

One thing that you said really struck me, which was that you don't believe you'll be able to quit until you're at "absolute rock bottom." While you do hear about the concept of bottom in AA, one thing that you can think about is the idea of "moving the bottom up." In AA, the first people to sign on were the absolute basket cases, the fellas who were in the gutter and having DT's and homeless, jobless, friendless. They were the only ones who were desperate enough to give AA a try.

Later on, people in AA and other 12-step fellowships came to realize that not everybody has to be in the gutter and dying of cirrhosis to be ready for a First Step. For instance, many teens and young adults now successfully work programs, without having had to be in jail, hardcore homeless, ill or dying. How much better that is, for a young person NOT to have to give up on education, a good career, or a healthy life, just to be ready to enter recovery.

Everybody, even you, can get to the point of readiness, without being at the absolute end. Your post, with the desperation and sadness is conveys, could well be your personal low point. Maybe think that, instead of you descending all the way down to the bottom, that the bottom has come up to meet you. And that would be a very good thing.

Peace,

Jane in CT

dark (not verified)
Dear Evo, I understand your

Dear Evo,

I understand your situation because I was there once. It really is a desperate cycle and it is so hard to get off. I thought that I would need to game until I lost everything.

Fortunately I found a solution. You do not have to go to the bottom. It is possible to stop and begin to get your life back.

I hope you will stay around here and find the answer like I did.

- dark

EvoAddict
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Thank you for the sincere

Thank you for the sincere replies. gsingjane - That concept makes a lot of sense, I suppose I never looked at it that way, but its very true, why not raise the bottom to where I am now? hmmm...... I've been thinking a lot about this website since I discovered it last night, and I think I will keep coming back.

I got a power shortage last night, no power = no computer = no evony. That was difficult, i decided to try and catch up on some sleep, that idea didn't quite work out. I eventually grew tired enough and fell asleep but woke an hour later to find the power had come back, of course the first thing I did was to log onto evony, make sure my troops were still alive and that I hadn't been attacked or lost any cities.

It's hard to explain how I feel about my addiction, I want to quit, but at the same time I don't..... How could I hate something I love so much? This is something I don't completely understand, but I will keep trying to find the answer......... I'm tempted to start a blog on here, document my progress and give insight to the loved ones of an addict and what it is like on our side of things. I also might learn a few things myself, in the process.

Currently playing evony as you read this.

Haymal
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Hey EvoAddict...thanks for

Hey EvoAddict...thanks for sharing your story...I hope you read all the posts here...and I'm living with an addict so I'd like to offer my perspective. In my opinion, I feel that your youth and growth into a whole real person is at stake.

My husband would rather be alone with his computer and "play" with his troops than interact with me or anybody else. He's stopped focusing on his marriage and career. Not just mentally but physically. The computer addict sits at a screen and touches the keyboard and mouse...what kind of life is that? I can't remember the last time my husband hugged or kissed me or stroked me just because he wanted to have human contact. He's ALONE without touch. Do you know how important touch is in this life. Touch & affection make us feel alive. I lost my mom 2 years ago and you know what I miss the most? Her hugs, how she stroked my hair, holding her hand when we sat together. I miss her touch.

And so what if your cities are attacked? You lose your troops? It's a GAME...it means nothing in life...it means nothing. It's sad if you think you "love" Evony. Don't deprive yourself of real love and affection.

Don't become desensitzed to all the wonderful opportunities waiting for you: love, career, marriage, children. How will you function in the real world if you waste your youth on a computer game? You've seen how it has affected your parents. I'm so sorry for your situation and you sound like a strong person...you found this site, which is wonderful and I think it helps put things in perspective.

Thanks again for sharing!

EvoAddict
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Haymal - Yes I read through

Haymal - Yes I read through your posts, it was your story I came across first, it was sad to read but the truth is never easy right? I'm sorry if I come on as a bit strong but unless you have been addicted yourself, I dont think you will ever quite understand what I meant in my post.

"And so what if your cities are attacked? You lose your troops? It's a GAME...it means nothing in life...it means nothing. It's sad if you think you "love" Evony."

Yes to you it is just a "game" but to us it means so much more, it is our way of life, it has become apart of us to a certain extent. Something bad happens in the game, it is going to affect our real life whether we like it or not. My heart goes out to you in having to deal with an addict but I also know what he himself is going through and it is'nt easy either. I guarantee you if he could quit he would in a heartbeat. Think of us as heroin addicts, as much as we love the 'drug' we still hate it, we are ashamed of ourselves and what we have become over the course of our addiction, we wish we could have a normal life again, but truth is, we have been using the 'drug' for so long that we have become dependent on it just to get through a day. We NEED that 'fix'.

Ariadne - Thank you for contacting me last night, it made me reconsider forgetting about this whole site and continuing on with my life as if I had never came across it. But honestly it has already captured interest and is something i have checked out a few times today during my evony gaming.

Currently playing evony as you read this.

barry bulb
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I hear what they say with

I hear what they say with evony, I been playing the past 5 months and it takes up all of my time and I seem to have no interest in anything else! took a break last week, went on holidays for a week and left me laptop at home! so no evony for a whole week but what I do when I got back, str8 back into it again! seems like its me whole life these days! Im really trying to change it now! hopefully it can be done! if it aint one thing its another with me! a pure addictive personality I seem to have! but evony is highly addictive and should be banned!!!!!

barry bulb
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evony needs banning really,

evony needs banning really, Im addicted to the thing myself, its hard to come away from it! u keep wanting to build and build to be the best on it and it takes up your whole day messing about on it! not wanting to loose your army and wanting to keep building troops, farming npc's, increasing your prestige and honor, attacking players and making sure u don't get killed in the process! tis too much to be honest, seems like my whole family are gettin on my nerves when they tell me to move off the thing! I really need to sort my life out!!!! this thing has taken control, I really wish I could just stop!!!!! I took a holiday last week but missed the game, as I didn't bring my laptop with me, a break from it for a week but got back yesterday and it was the first thing I got right back into again! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dark (not verified)
Dear Barry, You dont have to

Dear Barry,

You dont have to hit bottom with this addiction. I did and I dont recommend it.

I suggest you check out the 12 steps and pray to your higher power to help you stop gaming.

It worked for me.

- dark

Haymal
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Hey barry bulb &

Hey barry bulb & dark,

Thanks for your insights..I recognize my husband in your post. He's been on "extended" holiday for the last 2 weeks. But he checks in to see how things are going. I sent him some of these posts in an email on July 23 and I still can't get an anwer from him if he read them. But after that "black" Friday he started being off the computer in the evenings and was out of the house during the day working most of these last 2 weeks. We don't have the "addict" talk, he's used to me backing off because he knows how much I hate to fight and nag. I guess he thinks my silence means eveything's okay.

I went to a meeting and it was a validation of my own co-dependency but I'm at a standstill...and so tired of the sameness of my life. I don't even know what I want anymore...

Haymal
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Sometimes I feel that I've

Sometimes I feel that I've lived with his addiction so long, it's becoming the "norm". And I want him to WANT to quit the game because he WANTS to return to our real life with me. I'm not controlling his behavior...I'm approaching him with what I'm doing and where I'm going with or without him, I don't wait for him for meals or events, but I'm still consumed with anxiety about his gaming and what he's doing, who he's doing it with, why it's so much more important than my feelings & needs, why he needs it so much and when did I become so invisible?

EvonyWidowMI
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So here I am a professional

So here I am a professional woman married to --- a professional man who is completely and totally addicted to Evony. The game is consuming every aspect of our relationship. I've quit repeating myself - dinner's ready -- only to be not heard (probably ignored.) If he's not playing Evony - he's talking Evony -- watching movies that assist witht he playing of Evony -- now he even Skype's Evony. He can't be bothered to participate in family activities -- because the only family he needs now is his Son -- also addicted to Evony - and his Evony team-mates. Dear gawd -- do any of these people have lives outside of this hidious game? I've completely lost all respect for him - and feel as though I'm simply the mother of another 16 year old boy. Seriously --- he argues with me that I work from home (rarely these days, BTW) -- in fact this weekend only at 4:30 AM when he was dreaming Evony...and I was back in bed before he ever woke up. Yet, it's totally unacceptable for me have an issue with his game playing. He comes up with these crazy stories in his head about how I'm working for hours and hours...and I'm not. Seriously -- I would own up to it. I'm making money - and he's what??? PLAYING EVONY! He is an addict making justifications for his behavior. I've been in relationships with closet Coke Addicts (horrible) and Alcholics - his behavior although different in some ways - is totally the same in others. Yes, I'm angry!! I've sacrificed a lot for this marriage. My husband has become a 16 year old idiot as result of this game. He doesn't help with house chores, he doesn't associate with anyone not talking Evony - forget a sex life -- who the hell wants to make love to a man totally and completely addicted to this game - who behaves like a 16 year old and spends absolutely no time focused on his relationships outside of this game. And, forget friends -- any friends we have -- are so incredibly bored with hearing about the game -- they've asked just you or game boy too? There I've vented. I'm at the end of my rope...I'm so freaking close to throwing him and his freaking laptop out the door. However, I'd rather him do this on his own -- for the right reasons. Evony Widow since 2009...finally getting worked up enough to scream...I HATE THIS GAME!

Ariadne
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Greetings Haymal, I'm on

Greetings Haymal, I'm on holiday from Evony as well, and I wanted to let you know that while the game is set on Holiday mode, there is no way to check the game, without cancelling the holiday. He may have more than one account if he's checking on his alliance, the server or accessing the game. It also costs money to set the game on holiday mode, if you weren't aware of this.

Ariadne~
Letting go again - Change is never easy, I fight to hold on, and I fight to let go.

Haymal
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Thanks Ariadne...he told me

Thanks Ariadne...he told me he only has one account left but I know he's still playing Facebook Evony, is that different? I did not know about the money to go on holiday. He's been on holiday for almost 2 weeks...is that a lot of time (& money) to be off? He told me he has not spent any money on the game, since April 2009, and since I had to file bankruptcy in 2009 because of his unemployment, I can't even think about what a betrayel that would be. How much money could one spend on Evony?

How are you doing Ariadne, I hope you're staying strong and that you get rid of that last account.

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Dear Haymal, I can totally

Dear Haymal,

I can totally feel your pain. I too joined this forum because my husband is addicted to an MMORPG. Not only is he addicted to the game itself, he is addicted to the social network of people he has been talking to on there and has even revealed to me that he has "feelings" for one of the other female players who also has "feelings" for him. This video gaming has devastated my whole life. He used to be extremely sensitive and attentive, I ALWAYS knew I was number 1 on his priority list until this took over. Much like you, I too feel like he doesn't care when I cry, gets upset when I ask for more attention and often tells me I am "hovering" or "nagging" ....it's a very hurtful experience to go through. I wish there was a magic wand that I could wave that would make him wake up and realize that internet gaming is not the only important thing in his life and moreso that it's not the most important thing in his life.

Like yourself, I too have struggled with the thought of leaving him. Even if it's just for a trial separation to try and make him realize what he would be losing. However, I feel like I can't compete with the game and the social interactions he finds online. I feel like if I left he would just feel like "yay now I can play all day and all night and I don't have to worry about paying attention to her" I know this thought is irrational but I also don't believe in throwing away a marriage (which aside from this problem is wonderful) I married him for better or worst because I love him. The whole scenario is hurtful and confusing....it's really hard to feel like someone you are totally in love with doesn't feel 100% the same way about you...all I do know for certain is that: I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to feel second best or second in line for priorities.....and neither do you. I don't intend to leave my husband as I do love him and I fully intend to fight for my marriage but I am also planning on going to therapy on my own to help me work through these issues...I encourage you to do the same and know you are not alone..my heart breaks for you.

Dazed.

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Hi Haymal - I feel very

Hi Haymal - I feel very positive that i will get rid of this last account. It's been helpful not having access to it for 4 days. I was having a big craving just now, so i came here. Its not as strong now, but still there.

I don't know anything about the Facebook Evony interface, which might be only for the Evony Age 2 and I'm in Evony I. Here is how the Holiday works for Evony I and I think its the same for Evony age 2

To change player status to Vacation Mode, you will need to consume game cents at a rate of 10 cents per day, minimum 2 days in this mode. Once Vacation Mode has been activated, no operation of the game is allowed and the game will return to the Evony landing page simultaneously. 10 evony cents is = 1 USD so a 2 week holiday is $14. I don't know if thats a lot of money for you.

Yes you can spend a lot of money in Evony. My evony friend spend around $500 in the first two weeks when we started a new server. However, most people don't do that. From what I can tell, usually people purchase $30 once in a while which gives them 300 evony cents which can last a while. Many people play without buying anything because the game is supposed to be 'free forever'.

Ariadne~
Letting go again - Change is never easy, I fight to hold on, and I fight to let go.

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Haymal - My husband plays

Haymal - My husband plays Facebook Evony -- there's really no difference in the amount of time spent and damage done. So sorry you too are affected by this horrid game playing.

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An update: When I got home

An update: When I got home last night - husband would not talk to me. Earlier in the day I confronted him with his addiction head-on. I showed him this forum and made him aware others were ruining their lives...and that I was not alone in my feelings re: abandonment, loss of respect, hurt, anger, etc. He immediately blamed other things for his game playing - the typical move for an addict -- it's not me it's you. He should know by now -- after all I've been through -- I know the games addicts play. At any rate - he did not get onto Evony when I was present. He actually sat and watched television with me and our younger son. After chain smoking a few cigarettes (another horrible addiction) - he went to bed at 9 o'clock PM. Very early for him - but understood. Best to avoid the temptation of Evony altogether. We'll see what happens today. Let's see if at the very least - should he play this game it not interfer with family activities and maritial time -- yet again. Or will he throw a temper tantrum and say -- screw I'm doing what I want.

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Well, here's the update.

Well, here's the update. Husband is still not talking - in fact it's a full blown temper tantrum. He has nothing nice to say to anyone - except his son with whom he is talking Evony with right now. He even wrote a nasty comment on the kitchen blackboard regarding our daughter. Yes, when I go home from work he was here playing Evony - and is playing again before going to bed. Seriously - this is getting really old and his behavior is more like a child than anything. My life is stressful enough - I have a project teetering on the brink of being eliminated. And, questions about my employment - and now I have to deal with this, Uggh! Calgon take me away!!!!

Evonywidow424
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I am very glad to read all

I am very glad to read all these stories. My boyfriend was introduced to the game by a friend of his. He spends all his time on this game. He has relationships with the people in the game, more than he does with me, my child or his own children. He comes home for lunch to check the game and is constantly on line playing. There are 2 women inparticular that he speaks to the most on this game and they are coming inbetween our relationship. One is a player of the game, the other goes on to chat and flirt. That is all she does. I know that he feels powerful and in control when he is on the game. I completely get that part. He tried to tell me onetime that he plays the game so he does not have to deal with me. I do not believe that this is the case. When I am not home, my child will tell me that he has been on the game all night. He is addicted to the game and the world in which he enters when he plays. It is ruining our lives. I wish his friend never introduced him to this game. I just want it to stop..... I want my boyfriend back. Not this loser.

Haymal
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Hi Evonywidow424, glad you

Hi Evonywidow424, glad you found the web site and that our stories have validated your sanity and your feelings. You are not the crazy one. My story is similar to yours. The power of the game is too storng for my husband to give up. He's convinced he's the on the most powerful alliance, he 7 his alliance are the most powerful players Evony has; sort of like he Rules Evony. Honestly, it's too sad for his sad life. I've been saying I want it to stop for almost 2 years...it hasn't. I'm not sure it will but I'm sure of the 3 C's:

I didn't CAUSE it

I can't CONTROL it

I can't CURE it.

Another member recites this alot and it's my mantra...I say it outloud to myself and to my husband. I only have control over my own behavior and I'm doing alot of things on my own. I've rediscovered reading and walking and connecting with my family instead of watching for him to get off the computer or sneaking a look at what he's doing. He's doing nothing...Evony is nothing. I don't whisper anymore...if I disturb him, so what...I don't worry about making him angry...he's angry all the time anyway...I don't care if I interrupt him...so what...he's interrupting my life and doesn't care. So, I guess I'm saying that I'm really detaching with and without love and I hope I can move on or out and we can both be happier. I'm done waiting for it to stop and my life to be the "way it was before Evony". It's not going to happen.

Evonywidow424
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This post made me a  little

This post made me a little sick. My boyfriend plays constantly and the game is ruining our relationship. He says that if it was not for the game, we would not have a relationship but that is *****. He is friends with some of the girls he plays with. I found one post in his email where he told her that he loved her. I confronted him on this and he told me that she is like a sister to him. It makes me crazy everytime I see pink on the screen. He once told me during a fight that the game had done its job and now he could quit. He has not quit. He has 3 accounts. 3 user names. 3 servers. It takes up all his time. His life is planed around the game and we do nothing because he has to farm all the time so he can build up his troops so he will not be attacked. I wish at times that someone would come in and wipe him out. He knew nothing of this game until one of his friends introduced it to him. He says it is an escape. The woman he speaks to is also overseas. I do know however, that we do not have the money for him to fly over and see her so I am not worried about that. I do know that he does not tell her about me because that would ruin the virtual world. I do not know how to make it go away. If I could get him off this **** game, I would have my boyfriend back. He changes into a different man when he plays. When he is playing, he is all consumed with the game. I am sick of it. I hate the game. It is a life ruiner. You need to realize that.

Evonywidow424
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It is true. You are right. I

It is true. You are right. I think my boyfriend feels powerful when playing the game. He is not himself when playing and is adored by the women on his server. Which is nausieating. He is a whole different person when playing. I do agree with you there.

Evonywidow424
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This sounds like my

This sounds like my boyfriend and his online relationship with his EVONY "friend". I am glad you are ending it. You have no idea what it does to the signifgant other on the other end that does not play the game. It is hurtful and painful to sit and watch the man you love speak to another woman. Have conversations in pink. with a bunch of "lol's" and "babes" in there. When he stops calling you honey and you see he called her it it crushes you. When he talks to her before he talks to you, your heart breaks. I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. He is my best friend and I can honestly tell you I would love to fly across the world and rip this b****es head off.....

AngryTom
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Wow, I sit here in South

Wow, I sit here in South Africa thinking that I am all alone in my predicament, only to discover there is a multitude of us out there watching our loved ones self destruct in persuit of some stupid fantasy.

My wife (of six years) started playing the game about a year ago, I'm angry with myself and embarressed to say that I introduced it to her (but she has always been a game fanatic), but I dropped it after about two weeks as I really saw no point to it, she however continued playing and slowly got sucked deeper and deeper into it. Evonywidow424, like you I see the lols, the pink text, etc, the giggles and private jokes every day - I sense your anger, I have it too.

It has reached a point now where my wife has started ignoring our daughter to play the game. Our daughter (10) is too scared to kiss her mother good night, in case she disturbs her during a crucial battle or some more sexual innuendo in pink text.

The game is played from around 8am to midnight or later daily - now that she has a Blackberry with a new private e-mail address, her gaming buddies can summon her 24/7 to join the fight or whatever, remembering that we are 6-9 hours ahead of most North American gamers.

While I understand that sex is not permitted on the game a sexual subculture has been established on the peripheries of the game which hit us as a family in the face recently when our daughter opened wifes computer to discover video of an Evony friend in masturbation pose. Needless to say it didnt stop the game, but the computer is now very well password protected.

Whenever I raised the game and its effects on our family it resulted in a massive row, she is in total denial about it, yet obviously feels guilty as she has recently started to hide the game when I come into the room.

Last week my wife walked out on me when I mentioned the neglect of her daughter because the game. I am trying to pick up the pieces and get her to come back but is clear that she has ceased thinking rationally.

Haymal
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AngryTom You are not alone,

AngryTom

You are not alone, unfortunately, your story is very familar. But I didn't know about the sexual subculture. This is a new twist. If my husband is doing any of that or even has an Evony girlfriend, I don't know. And, at this point, I'm not sure it would add to the despair I already feel after 18 months of neglect and alienation.

He's also promised me that he's "giving" his accounts away and "wrapping" up with Evony but he's been "wrapping" since May. How long does it take?

I hate confrontation and now I don't ask anymore because either I don't care or I don't want to know...I really can't decide which...And love, do I feel love or pity or despair or nothing? I really need a counselor to sort me out! I know I feel grief for the disintegration of my marriage. My self esteem has suffered as I went through all the "Is it me?" "what am I doing to cause this" "why me?" but time with my family has helped me move past those feelings and I totally realize "I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it".

I know my husband is not thinking or behaving rationally, he's not even the same man I married 16 years ago. Very frankly, if he got mad and walked out, I'm not sure I'd take him back.

AngryTom
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Haymal, yesterday I visited

Haymal, yesterday I visited a psycologist in order to establish what I can do to deal with this problem. Her advise was to not to criticise her for playing the game but rather attempt to establish why she plays the came and what it gives her that the real world cannot; and then attempt to work through the issues together one by one.

I started the process this evening, we are not living together at the moment but still work together. Other than stating that the game was an escape from a boring real life, she didn't give much away, however I have noticed that she no longer wants to play the game while I am in the same room (I sense some guilt, she no longer has the desire to play the game in my presence, taunting me with the private jokes, etc). Whether this is progress or not I'm not sure yet (could be like an alcoholic hiding their drinking problem); but it is certainly a change from the routine of the past few months.

I have also started ignoring her, not responding to her requests for assistance, in fact not doing anything for her. I used to fall over myself to do things for her in the hope that she may notice me rather than the game, it didn't work. Ignoring her seems to be attracting her attention, her agitation at my change of attitude towards her is obvious.

What I am doing may not be a solution to solving my problem or anyone else's however I want to try and save my marriage and will try anything to do so.

Haymal
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AngryTom, thanks so much for

AngryTom, thanks so much for your post. I think seeing a psycologist is the best "self help" you can do for yourself and her. I appreciate you sharing the info that the counselor gave you and how you're handling it.

My husband goes from "holiday" to playing whenever he's home. His appointment schedule is varied during the day & evening so he could be home until 5, gaming...go to an appointment and be home at 9 to game until 11. Or he has a morning or afternoon appointment and he games up until he leaves and as soon as he returns. He games anywhere from 2 hours a day to 10 hours. Of course, during that time, he's doing other internet-network related work. Whatever.

Since I don't really have a life with him, ignoring him would be a lesson in futility. He asks me for nothing, he needs me for nothing, because he doesn't want to engage in conversation that might lead to anything negative about Evony. As long as I leave him alone and don't confront him, on the surface it appears he's invested in our relationship. But, the few times I've tried talking about the gaming and our future, he gets angry, yells, says he'll stop when HE wants and that's IT. Then, the discussion is over and he retreats to the game...the pattern is set. The way we live, right now, is fine with him.

Jade10
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I quit evony about 2 months

I quit evony about 2 months ago. I have to admit I was totally addicted. I was one of the strongest members of my alliance and, being female, of course attracted a lot of attention.

I have to say that my case is not as bad as some because my husband also played the game, so neither of us felt left out so to speak. I can honestly say that I was more addicted than he was. I would wake up every couple of hours to check on things and it became ridiculous, I even gained weight!!! We played in the same room so there was no jealousy. Why not try playing with your spouse/boy/girlfriend and joining their alliance? Make it known you two are together. It may (and I say may) snap him/her back into reality and make it less attractive to flirt. Thankfully, the game started becoming a chore to play rather than an enjoyable hobby. My husband and I decided to quit together and this is how we did it. First we got rid of our extra cities then we sent all our resources to people in our alliance and then we sent all our troops on attack multiple times and got rid of one enemy. Then we sent one group mail saying goodbye and that it was fun while it lasted and just left. It wasnaEU(tm)t easy but I have to say that it took exactly two days to get over it. And out of all those so called friends I made in the alliance, I keep in touch with only two of them. I do not miss Evony AT ALL and I will never go back to that kind of life-sucking game again.

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