My Husband Is Addicted To Evony & Thinks I Have The Problem!

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John of the Roses
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Welcome Jade to

Welcome Jade to Olganon.org. Your brief story touched me and should touch others too. Please stay in touch here because I think from reading your post you have even more to share with us.

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

Haymal
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Jade10 wrote:  Why not try
Jade10 wrote:

Why not try playing with your spouse/boy/girlfriend and joining their alliance? Make it known you two are together. It may (and I say may) snap him/her back into reality and make it less attractive to flirt.

Hi Jade10,

Thanks so much for your post and I'm so glad you and your husband got free from Evony. But, really, I won't play the game with him, I won't enable him, he's an addict, an excessive gamer and I can't control whether he quits or continues on his gaming path. If he wants to flirt, he'll do it in Evony or not...again, he has to want to change his behavior. We've had these issues for more than 2 years and I'm detached from him and Evony. I don't want to be a threesome with them. I don't have the resources to do anything drastic but I'm living my life better and feeling lighter. It's not the way I want my marriage to be but right now it is what it is.

I'm really glad to read your post and if you have any other insights, I'd appreciate hearing them! Thanks!

milegurts
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Hi all I am very deeply

Hi all

I am very deeply ashamed to say that i too was/am an evony addict. Today i have reset all of my accounts and deleted all of the links on my favourites tab and am determined to never visit the game again. I have been playing the game for about 2 years and spent quite a bit of money on it and for the most part I (in a capital I) have enjoyed the game. I have a wife whom i have been married to for nearly 20 years and 2 kids 18 and 15 and what i would consider a happy marriage.

So what drew me into evony, initially it was the picture, then the speed of how quickly you could build up at the start, and that sort of starts you getting hooked. Then you join an alliance and form online friendships and before you know it you are looking out not only for yourself but also your new friends.

To put peoples minds at rest i'm not aware of any in game romances that have ever took off. Due to the nature of the game it is people all over the world playing, and tho you do get an element of ingame flirting it really is harmless as far as i can see.

The most damaging of elements is just the game mechanics. Whatever you or your friends build on the game is vulnerable 24/7 and i think human nature sways you to try and protect it. As a player you realise the time and effort that has been put into building cities and farming areas etc etc and as in most things you like to think that you do your bit. And that in a nut shell is what sucks you into the game. And once you get round to that way of thinking and you look out for people and they look out for you it is a hard bond to break.

My advice to anyone playing the game would be to just quit. Me personally i am an obsessive kind of guy. I like to be the best in what i do, which is fine when my focus is on real life. But when you get into that game your priorities get totally warped, and you end up being one of the best at something that is totally unimportant. I think on reflection i have been a complete idiot.

Anyway hopefully i have realised the error of my ways and i can go back to being a good husband and succesfull businessman before it is too late. I truly sympathise with whoever is suffering from this game and i hope it all ends good for everybody else.

Tomorrow my life restarts again...... And i shall finally get round to cutting the grass in the garden (wildlife sanctuary).

As a note i only found this site after realising i was missing evony so much. But i havent played and i have no cities to worry about.... might even have a lie in in the morning.

Milegurts...... or dave as i wish to be known again

Haymal
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Hey Dave...I hope you are

Hey Dave...I hope you are living your new life and haven't gone back to Evony. I thought my husband was happy with me, too and that even though we've had our ups and downs, in our marriage and our business, that we could get through anything. I never counted on the evil that is addiction or the evil in Evony. It sucked him in and he hasn't looked back. He goes on holiday but he's on more than one server and has more than 1 account. And he's spent soe money on it, too. He's in constant contact by messenger or skype with his alliance and "friends". You are soooo right...priorities get totally warped and being the "top" alliance in a game? Well, I can't relate. Not at all.

Over the holiday, we had some "road trip" time and I basically said (no yelling, nagging, screaming...no drama!) that he has to make a choice...I've already made my choice...our marriage is the most important...now it's time for him to choose. He listens, but honestly, I don't think he hears me at all...I'm tired of listening to the sound of my own voice and hearing NOTHING back from him. He didn't bring his computer and he was basically computer free for 4 days (he checked his email one morning) and I honestly could not tell if he was okay with it. He's such a fooler in that he ACTS okay but something or some spark is missing. Does anyone else see this?

Oh well...I tried talking about the future with him and retirement or moving somewhere or even planning ahead for Christmas but he's so vague...it's exhausting to try and act normal when normal is the LAST feeling I have!

Hope others had a good holiday...prayers for ALL!!!

Ariadne
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Hi Haymal, based on my

Hi Haymal, based on my experience with evony and withdrawing from it, at day four without evony and my evony friends, my mind was still in a continuous obsessive loop thinking about evony, as well as all my conversations with alliance members. My mind could not stop it and my thinking was truly distorted. If he appears vague and distracted, this might be happening to him too. It was really scary for me to find out my mind wasnaEU(tm)t working right any more. It was a long time before I was really back to normal aEU" probably 2-3 weeks before the obsessive thinking stopped for the most part and probably 3 months before my real focusing abilities returned. ItaEU(tm)s been almost 4 months now since I quit and IaEU(tm)m just really getting my focus on again. By the way, you may not remember me when I first posted to this thread as a new OLGA member but some things you personally have written about were key factors in my desire to stop and recover from evony. Just wanted to say thank you - as I have meant to for a long time now.

Ariadne~
Letting go again - Change is never easy, I fight to hold on, and I fight to let go.

Haymal
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Ariadne...thank you so much

Ariadne...thank you so much for your wonderful and encouraging words and yes, of course I know you...I've been rooting for you to get rid of that last account! You are strong and brave! I'm so happy to read your blog and see all the great things on your list! I'm a musician myself and I sing...did musical theatre for alot of years. I may look into a community theatre because of you! I also have loved to ride horses...there's a stable not too far...maybe a ride will make me feel like myself...I'm going to make some lists of my own!! thank YOU!

I'm so glad you shared your story about the lack of focus. It's apparent that he's not as engaged or a spark is missing...if he would quit I would do anything to help him re-intergrate into our life but I just don't know. Since we've been home, yesterday at 3pm, he's back into his routine...I don't know if he's gaming (I didn't ask and he's not forthcoming) but he's back at the computer. He was there when I left at 8am, he had an appointment from 10-2 and he's been on all afternoon...with an appointment tonight at 7. He'll be home by 9 and I'll see if he goes back on. I'm afraid he doesn't want to stop...so sad.

Ariadne, don't you be afraid...you are on the best path for your life and your family's lives. It really does my heart good to hear that you are so committed to LIVING a Real Life! I'm so proud of you!

haymal

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i don't know if anyone will

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k9kist
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'wow - This is amazing - and

'wow - This is amazing - and I felt SOOOOO alone. Husband = Enovy= nothing else matters

I can see now - my story is the EXACT SAME as all of you. It's textbook.. He is in his early 50's. Quit the game once - and came back with vengence. Hours and Hours and Hours - I am the crazy one because I don't understand the need to "feed the soilders" and support the "alliance".

The "chat" isn't just about the game. I see some real suggestive talk here - major flirting - and even found my husband telling someone "I luv you"... AHHHH.... He doesn't hide it - he say's it's not reality, just a game. Oh brother.

Ok - enough of this - I went to counseling. The advice was grim. I needed to start "detaching" and living my life. Thanks so much for posting your stories - they are soooo frustrating and so familiar. I"m living it. I despise it...

k9kist
"Wag more bark less"

k9kist
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I'm new to this - but wanted

I'm new to this - but wanted to thank you so much for your post as an x-gamer. Good for you and admiting this.

Your post made me realize exactly what is making him choose this game over his life - I tried to show interest in this game and actually was willing to share my time because I was happy he found something he really enjoys - but then when it started turning evil - and "a few more minutes" turned into days and hours and hours - Man - o - man.

Now after 12 years of marriage - I have to start "detaching" - realizing I can no longer compete with them (Enovy + him). It's so hard for me not to enable him - but I"m trying to be strong.

I will look for more of your posts on the perspectives. He say's he is so not addicted and that these types of games take a long time, but from reading all these posts - they are MY story exactly! I'm not 20 though. Wish I was.

Thank you again so very much for your honesty and help.

k9kist
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k9kist
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OH - I love you x-gamers -

OH - I love you x-gamers - you help us understand that it's not about "me".... Thank you..

k9kist
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Haymal
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Hi k9kist...you are NOT

Hi k9kist...you are NOT alone! My husband is an Evony addict since April 2009. This site has saved my sanity and given me so much courage to detach and move forward with my life. I'm sorry to say that my husband has not quit Evony...he was on 4 servers, now he's on 2 and has never tried to quit...he told me he was "thinking" about it but that was 7 months ago.

I know my husband likes to flirt and I'm sure he's doing what he calls "playful banter" with the "ladies" but honestly, if I allow myself to think that those woman are prettier, smarter or more interesting than me, I'll be lost again in the bowels of Evony. And this is not MY problem, this is HIS problem. I don't think I could ever trust him again anyway...the lying and neglect...the decision to end it...I actually feel sorry for him...

My husband will be 50 next year and I wonder how he feels about his life and what he's done or not done with it. I wonder how he feels about himself; that he could let himself get so involved with fantasy and recede from his own reality. I wonder how he feels about anything, but he doesn't use that word anymore and cannot talk about feelings, his or mine.

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Hi Haymal, Im so sorry you

Hi Haymal,

Im so sorry you are going through this and I do understand even though it was my exboyfriend that was addicted and hes the one that decided to leave me. I always wanted to give him that ultimatum...game or me...but was afraid to do so. I wish i had done it. i wouldnt have wasted this last year. My ex was unemployed which made a lot of time for the game and when he did finally get a job again he stopped playing as much...but he still played during any free time he had. So getting a job helped him not play as much but it didn't give him the "wake-up call" i would have liked. different things happen to different people so i cant say what your husband would do if he got a job but i wouldnt count on getting much more attention then youre getting now until he realizes he has an addiction and decides to quit...Since you plan to leave anyway maybe you could try throwing the ultimatum card. It might help you to feel better about everything because at least you know you gave him that choice and if he still chooses the game...well...then theres nothing more that can be done unless you want to wait for him to notice you again. i hope ive helped and good luck!

Haymal
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Hey angeljgurl85, thanks for

Hey angeljgurl85,

thanks for your post...honestly, sometimes I want him to throw down the ultimatum...in fact I think I've asked him to do that...but he won't...he says he loves me and he doesn't want to split up...then I back down. I beat myself up about that and wish I could be stronger.

The holidays are hard, too...they make it worse to actually think clearly. I just want to get through them without any conflict.

I don't know if I'll ever feel good about any choice I've made in my situation.

Ann35
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 I'm so glad I found Olga,

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Mr-MrsJ
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This actually makes me feel

This actually makes me feel quite embarressed. im a 26yr old married woman with 2 kids. Me and my husband play Evony, been playin since May2008 ish.

Readin some of these stories here makes me realise ive wasted so much of my time. Me and my husband were talkin last night (the day before i found this website) about this server we're on bein the last 1 we play. we're both young an want to do alot of things an see places before we grow to old to do the things we want. After readin this, im stickin to my guns in our decision also.

The hardest thing about our decision is leavin the people behind that weve met over the years. though we'll stay in contact in otherways I.E phone and email.

carl_can (not verified)
Moved.

Moved.

Mac
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G'day all... I am 47 yo, and

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poddys
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I never paid to play Evony,

I never paid to play Evony, but I realized early on that you can't half play it, it's all or nothing.

If you want to get anywhere, you have to spend as much time as possible farming, building, and then maybe once or twice a week you can maybe help your alliance in attacking others.

I used to play every morning before going to work, lunchtimes at work, and then all evening and weekend, just to make sure I had enough food, and to maximize my building of cities and troops.

I couldn't sleep at night for fear that I was under attack, and I didn't get anything done around the house either.

Fortunately I made the decision last Christmas to give up Evony for good, and I have been Evony free for a year now. Yes I loved playing the game, but I am so pleased to be free of it.

If you find it's taking over your life - remember it's just a game. Hand over your account to someone in your alliance, and delete all the shortcuts from your desktop. You won't regret it I promise.

Haymal
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Hey poddys, Evony free for a

Hey poddys, Evony free for a year!! I'm soooo proud of you and yet, jealous that my husband can't recognize his addiction and deal with it. He started when he was unemployed and was home for 18 months playing everyday. Now that's he working, he's still home enough to play first thing in the morning, some afternoons and at night, too. His alliance are his friends and he's detached from his real life.

My husband is on 2 servers (including FB) and has been playing since April 2009. This is not what I expected my life and marriage to be...the neglect is hurtful but watching him waste his real, breathing life at the computer is what makes me so sad and mad. He's paid real money to upgrade, that's bad, but the time he's sacrificed is the worst thing.

I didn't get married to watch him sit at the computer playing a computer game and know that game and other gamers are more important than me. I used to be grateful, like a puppy, when he'd finish up but now I've detached so much, I don't care. I can't even remember what it was like BE (before Evony).

Congrats on giving up Evony! Stay away from Evony and life your life to the fullest!

Nchantress
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Hi I am addicted to this

Hi I am addicted to this game Evony. I got introduced to it by my brother last year when he came up for Thanksgiving, a year ago. My husband also started playing. That was fun when we played together. But I decided I did not like it and quit, he played for a while longer and quit. Then about 3 months ago I started playing it again. I was bored I think, I got a new laptop, I am not sure why... It was sooo easy. The game encourages you to buy things, which I have and it has caused me problems with my husband. I have not spent much but anything is too much. I have made friends. And one person was right you do feel need to protect people, and to stay on and check things and watch out for them. Like in life there are bad people on the game as well. Alot of you may think how can you get hurt playing game? Well you form bonds with people thru chat. They may have "saved " you or your precious city a time or two. Then someone comes along , the enemy perhaps or a spy is planted in your alliance and everyone starts to like the spy. Then later only to be betrayed it can be devastating for some. I have protected the under dog in this game off and on and championed members till I can't do it anymore. I have seen people come on this game and tell me all about themselves and their children and how long they been married. Then they whisper (pink) me something filthy in chat. Gross. My name here is same as in the game, and is kind of a sexy name. But I am married and happily and a bit insulted by some of it.i wish I had chosen broomhilda now. I have had offers to do video chats, no way. And they have other places they meet up, tiny chat and other chat rooms or FaceBook. there is a man on there i got close to in friendship, and he had ahard time in army, blew up people and stuff. One day out of the blue he starts calling me his queen and told people in chat I was his wife??? I blew it off as a joke. But later he started sending me private messages, in pink. When it is pink the only people who can see it is you and who sent it. He started saying stuff like i am holding your hand, and kissing your neck.... I was shocked. I went offline. I was embarressed and joined a different alliance. But I did not quit. He was a married man. i am not saying they all do it, but about 1/3 do. I had a gamer, a woman no less, tell me today that one member was her "Evony Husband" I was shocked and confused and not sure exactly what that was. But I am guessing it means cyber sex. I have lost sleep and time with family and alienated my husband. i love my husband alot and i have alot to make up to him. I will make it up to him. i hea rpeople say they have been on here for years. Evony is a never ending game. It is purposely set up to never end. My kids are grown, but I have young grand children. My son calls me and wants me to pick up my grand daughter. i said yes. 1 hours later i am still on game my husbadn is home and he is asking me when we are going to pick her up at her Moms? My son and his wife are divorced.... needless to say i was in the middle of moving my alliance and just could not get "offline" yet. I am ashamed of myself. Deeply ashamed. My son went and picked her up. Let me tell you husbands and wives out there. you go turn off their internet. Do it. Do it on a Friday so they have to go without all weekend. Then hide their laptops. this is a war you must win to get them back. I know it sounds bad but you got to do what you got to do. there is no innocent flirting, flirting is flirting. They should not be doing it. When you do this they will have a fit of sorts. I wish someone had done it to me. i am so ashamed of myself for my bad behavior ignoring my family and friends , missing work orders. My husband sleeps on the love seat to be close to me. I am up till 5 am. This is no way to exsist. I will miss them yes I will. But I mis my family more. I decided I was not logging in anymore today. I am not going to. When I read these stories it makes me sad. Please go turn off your internet. Then take their laptop and hide it or change the access password. Because they can always go sit at Mcdonalds and get free wifi. Just make a call and cancel it. Thats all it takes. Make certain they put a note in your account that you and only you can turn it back on again. Do not let your gaming addict bully you either. Write them a letter explaining how neglected you feel. But do not let it keep going on. They come up for air long enough common sense will kick in and they will realize this is a better world to be in. If anyone has questions about this game Evony please post in here.

~N

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Dear Nchantress, How

Dear Nchantress,

How wonderful that you have been on Evony so little time. You are one of the fortunate ones. It is clear that this "blue" affectionate or sexual talk feels wrong to you. Go with your gut instincts. You have been there, done it, and wow, what a strange "trip" it has been, but you are home again. You have come to your senses. Thank heavens you have come to your senses now and not years down the line. It has only been a few months.

Get that husband and take dancing lessons or some other project together. Get that grandchild and do something special with them. You are going to be fine. Just stay away from that nastiness...

"I was embarressed and joined a different alliance. But I did not quit. He was a married man. i am not saying they all do it, but about 1/3 do. I had a gamer, a woman no less, tell me today that one member was her "Evony Husband" I was shocked and confused and not sure exactly what that was. But I am guessing it means cyber sex. I have lost sleep and time with family and alienated my husband. i love my husband alot and i have alot to make up to him."

Yes, my dear...you have come to your senses. Hold true to your aim. Hold true to your vows. Leave that "foolishness" for good! Life is too short to give it over to pixelated relationships!

Serena

"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself." Albert Einstein

"You don't get to choose how you are going to die. Or when.
You can only decide how you are going to live. Now." Joan Baez

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Hi Nchantress, Welcome to

Hi Nchantress, Welcome to OLGA! Sounds like a pretty uncomfortable experience on Evony. I can't tell you how much sleep I have lost and things I have been late to or late getting done because of game play. One of my fears about OLGA was that I was the only woman of "mature" years on here. Not the case. Hope you stay around. Try one of the nightly meetings. They really help a lot. I intend to attend the one tonight so maybe I will see you there.

Colleen

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I am an EVONY gamer, and

I am an EVONY gamer, and used to play World of Warcraft. I stopped playing WoW because it was boring, evony is the same way as well for me, but I would rather play the game than goto a bar to hang out with people. This is because I can't stand crowded rural areas (akward being from a large city), but when I moved to be closer to my parents to help them out, dad has MS. I am not very much of a socialite by any means outside of internet and technology. I just dont feel right, and honestly. Not sure how to act or what to say to most people in a physical face to face meeting scenario. I do enjoy going out and doing things, such as movies, camping, board games, video arcades, go cart racing.

Unfortunately, for me though, it is a choice to do so, to avoid feeling akward and also to avoid being judged by a world who expects everyone to live as they see fit. We are all our own person, so why not just say c'est la vie? I on the other hand also hold a full time job, plus helping my dad out, dont have much desire to do anything but sit and play this game to relax and unwind, plus still get some sort of socialization of sorts as I can. I can say my limit has been reaching an end with games, but then again how is this different any more from any relationship based on lies, deceit and cheating?

Everyone has their own personal goals, and if someone near them doesnt share the same goals is it ok to kick them aside to reach them, or would be better put to just buy into the delussional aspect of power until they no longer crave is much? Perhaps attempt to buy into a diff addiction, sports.

I find that more people, whether they can afford to or not, waste more money and time watching a game, or buying gear of that sort also. A game is a game reguardless of type, but then again we even condone sports (games) as a highly over-paid career. Sorry, but I dont like sports. If I wanted to see someone run back and forth I'd goto work and would stay there an extra couple of hours. Yes, the economy is in a slump, but perhaps it wouldnt be if more people who earned all those billions of dollars a year would pay more into other industries as well, rather than paying someone to run back and forth.

The world is full of problems, it just is the fact of life, but in a marriage its how you work to get through the hard times (addictions as well).

No offense meant by post, just thought I'd share my own perspective and views on several situations I feel are all tied together. Wish you all the best in the future.

IWasHere

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Dear I, OLGA/NON is a

Dear I,

OLGA/NON is a recovery community for addicted gamers and the people who love them. We share our "experience, strength and hope" that there is life after addicted gaming.

If you are a current gamer who is not seeking help, then our site is not for you. We are not here as a debating society or general discussion board, and we are not especially interested in rationalizations or excuses from people who play. We have heard them all.

If there ever comes a time when you are dissatisfied with spending your life gaming and want some support around that, come back. We don't hold grudges, and we'll be here. But until then, go forth and enjoy your gaming.

Jane F.

Haymal
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Thank you Jane...

Thank you Jane...

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Just signed up...Jan 17,

Just signed up...Jan 17, 2011. My son turns 20 and has been addicted started at age 6 w/ Donkey Kong. last year his rating on halo was 7th in USA. He barely made it thru high school and has flunked 3 semester of college. Dear haymal and everyone else. Going thru life with this ball and chain on your ankle is no way to live a life. It may take forever to change someone. If its in a marriage dont fool yourself ! -Separate if you have to. Whether you believe in God, take jesus's advice,, " if your right arm continues to sin, cut it off" . This is going to be a delicate operation for me, but it has to be done, and i have said this many times before. You see what I just said...." I have said this many times before" meandering with it is a waste of time...and self defeat. I have learned that sertain hormones are released by the brain while one plays the games. Almost all stimuli is substituted for what 'real' life has to offer. Eventually real life doesnt mean anything..., If you love someone, and I do love my son, I am going to war, I mean that,,,, delicate but diligent, patience but diligence not giving up one inch.

Haymal
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I had to retreat...the

I had to retreat...the heartbreak of my situation and all the sadness of others had pounded my heart and soul and I had to stop, breathe and think. My depression resurfaced from Thanksgiving through January and now I'm starting to reconnect.

I felt almost paralyzed this past year...forging my own friends and activities, trying not to "rock the boat", getting my financials in better shape, trying to recover still from my mom's passing and feeling soooo alone and sad. I've felt a change in myself but it's still not enough to overcome my feelings of depair that this gaming addiction touched my family. My "pity parties" are getting fewer but still there.

I"ve noticed over the last year (or more, if I'm being totally honest) that my husband has ceased asking me any questions, like "How do YOU feel about...anything" "what are you doing?" or "where are you going" Is this just his lack of interest in anything but the game? or "if I don't ask her any questions, she won't ask me any questions, like what are you doing? are you playing? how many servers are you on? will you quit? are you done? soon? soon?" I'm so tired of my own voice asking the same questions over and over. His ability to tune me out is astounding. But mostly I'm tired of living in the tension of our life and I'm taking the responsibilty of not speaking honestly and clearly about my own feelings.

My cloud finally lifted and I threw away the filters in conversation to the bare bones of honesty. We were watching "Eat, Pray, Love" (his idea) and I asked him if he was happy (mind you he did not recipracate the question to me) but that started a conversation about our relationship and finding balance in our life...it was a calm and non defensive conversation. A typical conversation we had before Evony. I actually said the words "I hate my life and if I knew that Evony would be part of our marriage, I'm not sure I would marry you again".

I don't know how that really affected him, he's hard to read but since that evening, he's been different. I know he's still playing Evony (on 3 servers) but he seems to be trying to participate in our life more and he's hanging with me while I cook dinner, etc.

Make no mistake...I feel he has to quit the game and deal with his addiction to really integrate back to himself and I'm not letting up on the honesty of any aspect of my life. He needs to hear the truth and I need to say the truth.

GamerNoMore
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I've just spent the last few

I've just spent the last few hours reading every post in this thread, from start to finish. It is almost 5am where I am at, I woke up around 2am & decided to check on my Evony accounts.

Ironically, I found this thread through a link that was posted in alliance chat on Evony. It was meant as a joke, but it scares me how much of myself I recognize in these stories.

I started playing Evony in the fall of 2009. My husband and I own a campground and my job is to take care of the day to day stuff & keep up with the financials. He still works an outside job until the business is on its feet enough to support itself and us too. Things wind down at the end of fall and I was looking for something to do with my time. I followed a link on Facebook, thinking this looked a lot like a game I played many years ago, before the Internet made the multi-player games possible.

I played all through the winter. I even met one of the other players, another lady who it turned out lived only a half hour away from me. She & I have turned out to be good friends, on & off the game. That was a nice perk.

I walked away from it all last spring, when things got busy at the campground again. Then I got back into it here & there through the summer. I'd log in & check on things, visit with people, that kind of thing. Towards fall last year, a major upset within the alliance put me in the host position of a very drama laden situation. It was all so *real*. I quickly got tired of the drama & went a short time again without logging in. But it was always there, in the back of my mind, that I was host & I needed to be online & I needed to take care of my people... and I was drawn back into it.

Again, I got tired of the drama quickly, along with some of my fellow alliance-mates, and we decided to join a new server that was just starting up, start fresh, no drama. No drama, but now I have to build! I have to research, and build troops, and walls, and farm, and... constantly... and to top it off, I kept the first account semi-active. Just this evening I was attacked twice. It is difficult to define the excitement/dread that you feel when you realize you are under attack. It is very hard to remind yourself that "this is just a game, and no real horses are going to be killed when this attack hits".

My first waking thought has been to get on & check my accounts.

I have woken in the middle fo the night (like tonight), and felt compelled to fire up the computer.

The last thing I do before bed is send out just 1 more farming raid.

The first thing I do when coming back into the house is check Facebook, then my Evony accounts.

I've spent money on this game that I haven't told my husband about.

I've hidden how much time I've spent playing the game.

I've told the "10 more minutes" that ended up being hours. Or "I'll be to bed soon, honey".

I've felt compelled to stay home when I thought I might be attacked.

I've stressed out over how I'm going to feed my troops when I was going to be away from the computer for extended periods.

That all ends. TODAY.

I have two accounts, on different servers, that I actively play, and a few other tiny ones scattered here & there. The newest one is gone already. The character & cities destroyed. The first account will be gone as soon as I hear from my alliance mates as to who wants the host position. It was easy to get back into the game on that account - I have a fairly strong character & a well established city. That goes bye-bye. TODAY.

I've made a couple of really good friends who are also in the same alliances I've been in. I stay in touch with them outside of the game. I sent them both a link to this thread & told them I'm quitting Evony for good. I hope, after reading this, that if they recognize themselves too, that they also step away. Life is too short to spend it wasting time on a game.

pete1 (not verified)
Welcome ID - pete

Welcome ID

- pete

Haymal
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Thank you,

Thank you, GamerNoMore...thank you for sharing your story...I pray you quit and never go back, and thank you for reading the whole post. I know it's long but it has soooo much to say. It has so many different stories and support and advice.

I must admit, I'm a little weirded out that the thread was posted in an Evony chat, "as a joke". But even at that, if you're the only person my post reaches, that's still the best! I just wish my husband would read the thread. As of this moment, almost 2 years later, he's on 3 servers (one being the FaceBook game)...he's still gaming everyday. I've really embraced my own life, I know my attitude is different, I really don't care the same way, I don't love the same way, I don't need the same way. Maybe he's picked up on some of that indifference as he's more "present" the last few months. And I appreciate that, however, it's hard for me to forget the secrets, lies, loniness, neglect, anger and sadness. There are secrets still lurking and I can't really feel like we have our marriage back without honesty and I know how hard it is for honesty to exists in his gaming life.

GamerNoMore, please keep sending this thread out!! And please, let me know how you're doing! You've been an inspiration to me.

Thanks!

Haymal

chopsticks
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Congratulations

Congratulations GamerNoMore!! It is great to see you taking control and making this hard decision. Do keep coming back and get support in breaking away from it. Great to have you here. Welcome!

MasterJJ
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hmmmm    It's sad when

hmmmm It's sad when reading these stories is actually a trigger for me. Congrats GamerNoMore in making the decision to quit. Perhaps we can all support each other in not playing and continue to share our stories. However, I would not recommend sharing this link with your alliance members. Best of luck.

Master JJ (Evony player and game addict)

Jim B
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wow, im after reading this

wow, im after reading this entire thread and i knew evony was a problem but it saddens me to see how much its affected all of your lives.

i started playing close to the start of evony and it soon spiralled into an all-your-spare-time consuming nightmare. When it really kicks in it takes time you dont have. I've smoked, drank, taken drugs, but i dont think ive experienced anything as addicting in my life and i think most players on evony would agree, its a running joke there.

i could'nt leave my laptop for an hour. whereever i went, it went, work, romantic weekend break, you name it i was tied to it. i did the pausing during the movie to farm, most of the things you guys mentioned. my wife was understanding (she even farmed a few times for me, or kept an eye on incoming attacks if my real life interfered ), but i know she had moments like you guys, thanks for pointing it out to me.

After 14 or 15 months at the top level of the game i managed to kick it by putting my account in holiday first 2 days then 4 then 6, still checking in. Then gave my account to a player i knew would lose everything,(couldnt bring myself to burn it myself) and managed to leave it for a few months. the worst thing was leaving the friends you make, the people you protect and protect you, archers are easy to make, good friends arent.

then i checked in to say hi someone gave me a good account (a person on the opposite side of the battlefield) and i was back again in the thick of it, again all time i had and all the time i didnt have.

Last time it wasnt as bad leaving, but a lot of my friends had left after me so that made it easier i suppose. i guess the point im trying to make is that there is hope. People grow out of it, people get weary of the constant farming and the constant attacks. Maybe i just want to give you an insight into the mindset, the closeness you feel when 10 alliances are attacking yours, and you and your friends have your back to the wall. Anyway, i hope you guys get your partners back and to the evony addicts, i hope you stay away from the game.

Me, after reading all these post tonight, i had to log on tonight and i met a few old friends and chatted. i hope i dont log on tomorrow, but, one day at a time.

Jim

GamerNoMore
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An update: After posting

An update:

After posting what I did on March 8, I quit the server I had just started before I did *anything* else. I sent my regards to my alliance members, quit the alliance, then restarted the game, "killing" that character. I did not create a new one.

The server that I started playing on as was more difficult, as I had become the host of my alliance and still felt a responsibility for the players there. Fortunately, it had dwindled to just 4 active players. I also sent regards to those players, and, because I hated to "kill" a good hero, I contacted one of my "neighbors" in the game to ask if he wanted my good hero. In the discussions that followed while trying to give this piece of the game away, I found out that his marriage had been destroyed by Evony. Yet he still played. I found new alliance homes for the players still wanting to play, then totally disbanded the alliance. This took a couple of days, and the urge to continue with the game was strong. But, when I got the last active player out of the alliance, I did what I had set out to do - I destroyed that character, also, resetting it & not recreating it.

I have not logged into Evony since. I have transferred the time the game used to occupy to my family - my husband, our children, our grandchildren. I've spent more time with them in the last 3 weeks than I had in the entire year and a half before. It feels good. It is a challenge to not log in on the nights my husband works the graveyard shifts, they can be very lonely, but I've started reading books again to kill the time.

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Congratulations GNM - well

Congratulations GNM - well done. Keep visiting Olga, reading and posting :)

No longer defined by being in SL - looking to redefine myself by something real.

chopsticks
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Wow... Thanks so much for

Wow... Thanks so much for the update GnM. It is inspiring to hear... congratulations!!

Haymal
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Hi GamerNoMore and I'm soooo

Hi GamerNoMore and I'm soooo proud of you!! Please stay strong and don't go back to Evony! Your family must be elated, grateful and relieved to have you back.

I have read and re-read your inspiring post and you show so much positive determination to get your life back. I hope you feel as good about yourself as your family must to have you participating in real life again. Please stay strong and stay away from Evony!! Your strength gives me hope that my husband will have that "aha" moment or something will trigger him to quit and integrate back to real life. He's still on 3 servers and is tight with his alliances. Still keeping secrets and still playing 5 hours+ a day.

Please keep posting to let us know how things are going...Stay Strong! You are an inspiration!

Haymal
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Hi Nchantress...I was really

Hi Nchantress...I was really struck by your story...my husband has been playing Evony for 2 years...everything you wrote in your post scares me, even after all this time. I don't know if my husband has an "Evony wife" or if he's acting inappropriately with other members of his alliance. But he does consider them his friends and he is very flirtatous, and very protective of his relationships with them...very secretretive. I know he chats with them online between raids or farming but I don't really know how it works and I know they have a FB page and he chats with them on that page and on messenger as well. He's on 3 servers with 3 alliances.

He says he love me and that our relationship is more important than anything but his Evony addiction is much stonger. I'm just so tired and hurt...sometimes it's so painful I can't even feel anything! And your right, any online flirtation or relationship is not innocent and steps over the line. Dishonesty steps over the line.

If you want to pm or chat sometime, I would like that.

Stay strong and focused on your family...you are an inspiration to us!

Haymal
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Changes for me!!  I haven't

Changes for me!! I haven't been around alot lately, I'm in therapy now, I started about 4 weeks ago. It's exhausting. We talk about me not him and not us. As my therapist says, "he's not here...let's talk about who's here & who wants to get better".

Not much change for him...he's still sitting in front of the computer...still on 3 servers, although he's on holiday from 2 servers and just playing Age II which is the facebook one. I don't want to feel sad and get mad anymore but really..this is no life for him. Anyone heard of a chat program called Ventrilo? The Evony "friends" are using this new chat program. Even if he says he's trying to prioritize to spend time with me...don't do me any favors...I'm more important than Evony and I don't really believe anything he professes.

I wish there was a face-to-face olg-anon meeting but with my therapist I like the digging about why I enable him (& other relationships I've had) & how to create a stronger ME & develop my passions & my interests. I joined a gym with a friend from work. I go after work everyday...I don't plan my workouts around my husband's schedule. (guilty of that!) I don't even know what he's doing anymore...I'm trying not to control his behavior anymore (futile & disappointing), and I'm taking better control over ME. I literally have to talk outloud to myself "don't look at his screen...it's his addiction, not yours...don't ask him to come to bed...you'll only get hurt when he lies and says soon...don't care that he's been on Evony all day and still doesn't want to spend any time with you...his loss...be strong..." The ramblings in my head go on and on.

I don't feel as hopeless as I had...keeping it real and honest: I'm still sad about my poor husband and still hurt and I still have trouble believing this actually happened to me but I don't want IT (Evony, husband, computer) to control my life. He's been an Evony addict for 2 years & 2 months and an obsessive emailer for longer...I can't let anymore TIME be taken away from my life. I must become stronger on my own to make myself whole.

Haymal
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Thanks Jim B...I'm so happy

Thanks Jim B...I'm so happy to hear that you're in recovery...resisting the powerful temptation is inspiring! And thanks for wanting to help...my hope is that he will want to recover and wipe all his accounts! But whether it happens or not, I'm working on me and I won't stop. I may have a setback or two but I'm determined to get myself healthy and not enable him anymore. My own mental health is more important than him or that stupid game!!

Thanks and check in again soon!

Haymal

Jim B
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Thanks Haymal and good for

Thanks Haymal and good for you. think about yourself.

unfortunately since i left that game i found a new addiction, which was building a house for me and my wife(single handedly). i consequently did an "evony" on it and she left me a few days ago. trust me, i'd give my right arm(no exaggeration) for a smile from her at this very moment. Anyway i live in hope

Jim

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Hmmm...that sounds

Hmmm...that sounds familiar. Jim, did you "switch addictions"? from gaming to workaholism? Anyway, sorry to hear your wife didn't want it. Please know that somebody does and maybe it will all work out.

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my Husband has been hooked

my Husband has been hooked on Evony for about 8 months now,and then he got a cell phone and started texting all theese people from the game constantly,,im sick of looking at the back of his head,he would come home from work and get his game his cell phone and a 12 pk of beer,and by by him

well i put up with it ,,untill i caught him on the land line phone at 2 in the morning ,talking to some woman from his game,and acording to the time on the caller id,,they were on the phone for 2 hours,,he says its all game related,,,but come on 2 hours,,well he says i just dont understand him,and he has agreed to give up talking on the home phone for hours at midnight,,but he is still playing and texting,,

im having a hard time with all this ,like he actually had an affair or something,,so i keep making comments about him being on the phone ,,i say'who are you talking to' and he tells me to get off his back,says im making way too much of it and blames my feelings on the fact that i am 48 and hormonal,,says i need to see a doctor

how do i get over this could it be hormones ?

fer
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Many people that behave like

Many people that behave like him are in fact having an affair in the game world.

Healthy enthusiasms add to life, addictions take away from it.

Patria
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How do you know when an

How do you know when an addict is lying? (I'm assuming by your husband's behavior that he's an addict just like me) When his mouth is moving.

Don't believe a word that he says about his gaming.

Try to get in touch with Olga-non people here on this site to help you deal with being the partner of a gamer.

I'm a recovering addict, it's only been 26 days now since I last played, but already I can see what lies, coverups, deceptions, and deceits I used against my spouse to keep on gaming and living MY way.

I'm astonished at my own blindness and arrogance.

Addicts can make others sick; like I did. Please get help for yourself and take care of yourself. I will do the same on my own disease, and try to help people like your husband see the light.

(((hugs))))

Haymal
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frontlinefrog wrote: my
frontlinefrog wrote:

my Husband has been hooked on Evony for about 8 months now,and then he got a cell phone and started texting all theese people from the game constantly,,im sick of looking at the back of his head,he would come home from work and get his game his cell phone and a 12 pk of beer,and by by him

well i put up with it ,,untill i caught him on the land line phone at 2 in the morning ,talking to some woman from his game,and acording to the time on the caller id,,they were on the phone for 2 hours,,he says its all game related,,,but come on 2 hours,,well he says i just dont understand him,and he has agreed to give up talking on the home phone for hours at midnight,,but he is still playing and texting,,

im having a hard time with all this ,like he actually had an affair or something,,so i keep making comments about him being on the phone ,,i say'who are you talking to' and he tells me to get off his back,says im making way too much of it and blames my feelings on the fact that i am 48 and hormonal,,says i need to see a doctor

how do i get over this could it be hormones ?

Hi frontlinefrog,

This isn't YOUR hormones or anything else you did...this is HIS issue. Let HIM own it. Unfortunately my husband hasn't owned up to his addiction to Evony either. When is Enough? I'm so exhausted from him and myself. I'm in therapy, going to the gym, working and trying to get myself healthy but I'm still living with Evony and I'm still depressed over the state of my marriage. After almost 2 1/2 years of Evony I still can't talk to him about my feelings...he's still defensive and secretive. When is ENOUGH???

frontlinefrog, stay strong and remember it's NOT YOU...

liesbet
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I didn't even know it

I didn't even know it exists, this kind of addiction. I feel like a mess, my husband plays Evony for about two years now, I think. It's the lies I hate, the secretivity, that whispering, it never stops. Everthing mentioned in all the past posts are so recognizable. And he says he is going to quit. He says that for almost a year now. It has changed our life so much. I'm even going in therapy now, never did something like that, always thought I was strong enough. I'm not. I am so so so not.

Lostmywaytolive
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  Hello Everyone first of

Hello Everyone

first of all it breaks my heart to hear that it's happening to you all, and i'm ashamed of myself for being addicted to a silly thing like evony.

I'm 25 years old and was addicted to evony until the one day that changed forever. I've experienced a lot of sufferings and the pain of losing somebody you love.. Words can't describe what I've been through.

When I was 5 years old, I lost my parents and a little brother, to a car accident and I was the only one that survived. The doctor said that I was very very lucky to have survived, compared to how my family died. When I was hospitalized my "relatives" was arguing about who's going to take care of me and guess what. None of them were willing to. They didn't care about me and my feelings, for them I was like a toy; I think my mom was married into the family. My Neighbors' at that time were my parents best friends and was visiting me at the time when my "family" were arguing about me, my neighbors' told them that they don't have too, because I was going to live with them and they were ashamed to let me live with them, with the words said the drove me home. That was the happiest moment in my life.

In the first couple of years my new family tried to cheer me up after the accident, but it was hard for me to get over it. Losing your family and betrayed by relatives. It's a huge whole that needed time to close. I prayed countless times to god that he'll send my family to good place so they can rest peacefully. I asked him countless times why I was the only one that survived but he didn't response my calls.

My school life was like hell. I wasn't social, wasn't funny, wasn't attractive and didn't have friends but I was never bullied and I wonder why. My only friend was my childhood friend Nickie. We were always together, and all the boys hated me for it. She was very popular and had a lot of friends. I started dating her when I was 15 years old and I kept asking her why she wants to be with a loser like me, and she'd just turn around and got mad at me by asking the question.

Sometimes I was so depressed about my loss that my new family was afraid that I would end my own life. They did all they could to please me and cheer me up. At the end they success and I start to act more like a normal kid. It was like the life-force had returned to me. I started playing football (soccer) and I was very good at it, so good that clubs around Europe was contacting me. My days were like football, train in gym and my girlfriend of course. I was happy!

I turned 20, had a girlfriend, had friends and a good part time job. My life was wonderful until one day my friend showed me Evony.. This is where everything felled apart.

I started playing evony (just for fun) and wasn't serious + it was boring as hell. But bit by bit I got addicted to it.

Everything that I love with evony

- Cooperation

- Team-play

- Friends!

- Communication

- "family"

- Being a top player

- Trust

- Betrayal

- Time-killing

I skipped my training, school, girlfriend, activities and job because of this game. Every time I got home from work, the only thing that was on my mind is evony and the same with school. It's just like the earlier posts. Sometimes she cried and begs me to stop playing evony. After seen her sad face, I immediately stopped playing evony. My life gets better but I just couldn't stop. I told her that I quit but actually I was playing it when she didn't notice or is around.

I made a promise to myself when I was younger that I'll propose to Nickie when we turned 22 and I kept my promise.

September 22 2008 I proposed to my love in front of everyone and I couldn't forget her face on that time.

2 - 3 month after she was pregnant and she finds out that I'd still play evony. She was screaming and crying about she didn't mean anything to me and I loved the game more than her. I think it's been a half year after our engagement where I was really addicted to it and was using all my time on it. The last thing my love said to me was "I think, I've to die before you'll realize what you're losing" before she left the house. I didn't take her seriously but at the same day I lost her forever. A young man that was intoxicated by alcohol drove her over and killed her. Yet I didn't realize that she was dead before someone in evony talked about an accident that had happen close to where I lived. I wasn't thinking about my love at all till it was 2 am. And she wasn't home.

I'm filthy and disgraceful of all mankind. I'm the worst human-being alive. If I could switch place with her I'll gladly do it! She didn't deserve it. I've been trying to take my own life, but every time I try, I couldn't do it. Because I deserve this, I deserve to suffer and feel the pain I've caused myself. Up till now I've lost any direction in my life and lack the motivation to do anything. I've lost hope and strength to live. Sometimes when I try to sleep and start thinking about her I start crying over and over. I'm just waiting for my punishment from god.

Take care of yourself, stay strong and keep fighting! give him an ultimatum to change me or the game. if the answer is wrong, run away! you deserve better than this!

be glad that you can still talk with each other and not a grave unlike me.

i really hope for all of you that he/she'll realize that he/she's losing something far more valuable than the game.

Sorry for the long story but I just have to share it with you.

Don't let the game destroy your marriage and life.

Good luck to you all!

(Sorry about my English)

fer
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Hello Lostmywaytolive.

Hello Lostmywaytolive. Welcome to OLGA. I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through.

What happened to your fiancee was a horrible tragedy. Of course it was not your fault. But it was a wake-up call. You have lost loved ones, and I'm sure you can appreciate better than most how valuable life is. Too precious to be wasted on a fantasy world.

Thank you for sharing that, and I hope you stick around.

Healthy enthusiasms add to life, addictions take away from it.

halbelf
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I was shocked to read about

I was shocked to read about the suffering of wives here etc. Evony helped me to get through a time where i actually needed my mind taken of real life... but now I feel it is trying to get too much of a hold of me. I generally believe in allowing all things in moderation... but it always ends up taking more of my time then I had planned.. so who is in charge lol ?

I will hit the reset button right now. Thanks friends - you are all free people and have full charge and responsibility over your will and actions. If you say 'I can't' you are only deceiving yourselves. The truth will set u free :) Love ya formerly HalbElf 10mill prestige server 155 alliance Chaotic

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