My Husband Is Addicted To Evony & Thinks I Have The Problem!

166 posts / 0 new
Last post
Haymal
Offline
Last seen: 12 months 1 day ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/28/2010 - 9:20pm
Good for you

Good for you halbelf...hiting the DELETE button on Evony is the only way to take back your life. I sooo agree...who is in charge?? Evony? Fee will?

My husband is still gaming...now it's Evony on Facebook with Skype going all day everyday. I don't even know what to write or say or feel anymore. I've been taking some time for myself...gym, therapy, friends but the fact is I'm married, that is we live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, eat a meal together & go out occasionally but really we're living two separate emotional lives. I have no idea what he REALLY feels about anything (except Evony) and he doesn't care, truly care, what I feel so there you have it.

Sept 2011 we had the talk...separate vs Quit Evony...again, I can't read him at all and I'm having a hard time believing anything he says because he lies or is evasive. He'll say he's giving it up but really he complains about me to his alliance (mostly women) and then I'm the bad one, the burden on his fun...yada yada yada...we've all heard this before. And now, Jan 2012...New Years...we had the talk and nothing's changed. Nothing's changed...Nothing's changed.

sasabeng
sasabeng's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 9 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/25/2012 - 3:20pm
I love my husband dearly. 

I love my husband dearly. I have stood by him through so many things. We have been married for 4 years now, and we have been together for a total of 10. I am a stay at home mom and I handle everything around the house. (even most of the things that are considered a man's work). I try to make sure that the house is clean when he gets home, and that there is a hot plate of food waiting for him as soon as he arrives. On top of caring for our child and our home, I make it a point to put a pretty face on (makeup) and not look like i dressed myself in the dark at the salvation army.

I just don't understand it. I'm like a short order cook, and a **** good one at that. Sure I'm not 18 years old anymore, but I'm not ugly. I can carry a conversation, I'm witty, and funny (maybe a little weird for most tastes) AND I color coordinated his sock and underwear drawer. If my husband says he wants eggs benedict for breakfast, the only reason he would not get eggs benedict for breakfast is because every store within a 20 mile radius of our house is out of eggs butter and ham. Notice I don't say bread because I bake my own **** bread. Yes, that includes English Muffins too. I love to take care of my husband. But ignored is the worst.

He hardly spends time with us anymore. I can get by most of the time because I'm a big girl and I can find ways to detatch myself and find my own entertainment. But our daughter doesn't deserve this. You know the story, its been told many times before. Evony in the morning, at work, in the evening, in bed, on the crapper, in the car (sometimes on a laptop while driving), at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, our daughter's 4th Birthday party. He will spend every moment from the time he gets home from work till about 3 or 4 in the morning playing evony. I remember we didn't sleep in the same bed for 3 weeks. Now he has "conferences" with his buddies on skype and has much more of a relationship with his Evony buddies online than with his wife and daughter.

Now I find that it feels like I am living with a stranger. When he pulls out his earbud headphones, it looks like he is disappointed in having to return to the real world. We have not had a fight about Evony but I feel like I am going to explode soon. I have brought up my concern about his gaming in a non-combative manner on several occasions, but it doesn't seem to be doing any good. I'm afraid that i will just blow my lid and say or do something really mean.

I Hate Evony =)

Silvertabby
Silvertabby's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 week 1 day ago
OLGA memberOLGA moderator
Joined: 11/23/2010 - 4:42pm
Hi sasabeng and welcome to

Hi sasabeng and welcome to Olga-non. If you've read many posts here you may have already read what I'm about to tell you, but it seems to be the only way of dealing with an addict. That is to stop enabling him. It sounds like you do everthing for him. That would have to stop if you want to get your message across to him that his gaming is becoming a problem to you.

When we are addicted to gaming, it becomes the number one thing in our life, as it has with your husband. The crazy thing is that we don't realize it. To us it is normal. I was gaming 12+ hours a day and thought nothing wrong with it. I didn't realize how insane that was until I had stopped. The other thing is that nobody can tell us that we have a problem with gaming too much. It's something we have to realize for ourselves.

Stick around and read posts here and continue to post. Know you're not alone in this. This community is all about supporting both the gamer trying to quit and the loved ones of gamers. We understand what you're going through. I wish you all the best.

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

sasabeng
sasabeng's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 9 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/25/2012 - 3:20pm
Thanks Silvertabby, I am

Thanks Silvertabby,

I am going to start getting my message across to him as of today. I've decided to focus my energy on other projects. If and when he decides he would like some attention, he will find that he needs to be off his laptop first. I'm putting my foot down.

I Hate Evony =)

girlcanada1981
Offline
Last seen: 6 years 1 month ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 03/03/2012 - 8:11am
I am so sad about this game,

I am so sad about this game, I have a bf and step kids and the bf plays. At first it was a little bit, then, I'd find myself waiting for him to farm before we go places, then he'd HAVE to farm 3 times a day, and if he wanted a break from it, he'd have to pay to take a vacation! We'd have the kids on weekends and 90% of the weekend he'd be playing the game, not helping out nearly as much around the house, and ignoring us and becoming cranky when getting attacked. :( I finally got the nerve to bring it up to him one day, alone on a drive, and he FLIPPED OUT at me, bringing up other issues in no relation to this at all, telling me he doesnt do much of anything, he doesnt talk to other women online and he plays this to occupy him. I stopped talking and he continued to get mad and almost left and went home...(we live an hour apart due to jobs and houses). I left it be for a long time and it just ate at me, he stopped playing it as much, he would help more, but he still played so much that it dictated our lives, trips away, vacations, NOPE need to farm, I was at my breaking point with other stress in my life and I went off work on stress leave. Out of the blue he decided to cancel his account a month later. I was so happy, I didn't say much, but it made me fall back in love with my bf, things returned to how it was almost when we got together, more time, no waiting for a game to go get a friggin coffee, it was AWESOME. Well this am I see he's signed back up for something to do, that he not playing it like he was.. I am scared, I am tired, I am about to return to work and I just can't handle it if it goes back to what it was. I can't, he didnt see what it was like, he was sooooo oblivious:( Like this post says, I was ade out to be the crazy one. I am going to leave it be for now, but pray again every day that this will not go back to what it was. :( I can't handle it if it does. I love him so much, but I cant even talk to him about this game. It's a game!!! and it's such a sore subject... a game....:(

EVE_OFFFline
EVE_OFFFline's picture
Offline
Last seen: 6 years 1 week ago
OLGA member
Joined: 01/10/2012 - 7:33am
hi Girlcanada...I am sorry

hi Girlcanada...I am sorry to hear this. The game has become an obsession to you bf, and the obsession turned into addiction. I am sorry to say but the addiction of gaming gives the same "high"as a cocaine user uses drugs. When you mention this he wil defend it, as he must have his crack. And the game makes him high. Its very serieus, as he will only stop when he is done being addicted, and willing to do this freely. Sooner or later he will stop as his body will exhaust, or notices depression.

His whole day will be about getting Dopamine into his brain ( what is our reward system, what should be activated when we sport, eat, drink, or have sex.) Game industry found that games cause the same affect and exploit this. Most people can stand this well. Others, like me , have been able to function reasonably ( although I almost lost everything dear) ...and some, about 1 in 10..completely surrenders to the game...as there is nothing else.

getting upset makes no sense to him. His emotions center is disabled as that part now being used for the dopamine part. Well the harder you shout, the more he will game seems often the case... You can do two things. lookup everything you can about dopamine, brains and game addiction and show him damage caused may be irreversable ( it may not be..but its not proven( or give hims a sound choice...you or the game...like in the bible..choose between life or death. If you dont do anything...Gamers want to use all resources they need to continue gaming..I can tell...been there. so You may end up most exchausted.

pre- diagnosed with Autism.

Rez
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 3 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 08/11/2012 - 12:43am
Evony decieves us...     I

Evony decieves us...

I feel for you wives...tell them to read my comment....I know what I'm talking about when it comes to evony...

makes you feel like you need to be there. makes you feel like you need to dump your honour after its hit 100 million.

one more farming run and you'll get your 100th nation medal...just one more after this one, ok didn't get it that time, maybe one more, hmm one more now, and another, this is the last I promise myself, I really meant this one was the last...etc

quick build your 16th barrack and get it to level 10...demolish that warehouse for an extra barracks...do this do that...now this...fill up the barracks...

I gave my account away (maybe not the best thing to do but my mate is hopelessly addicted and needs it)..I feel free now..

no more need to make sure your 12's or your 14's or your 16 hasn't been hit by mech waves...no more need to reinforce that ally who's getting hit...no more need to send out farming runs because your food production is at negative billion..

freedom is nice...take it from the guy who single handedly held off 5 of the top 10 alliances on NA13 (they attacked for 2 weeks straight had to be on basically 24/7 drinkign red bull..aha)...that was just prison...couldn't leave...

also...I didn't need to work while I played or anything but normal people do...they need income..remember what they taught you in kindergarden...there's a time to play and there is a time to work...

goodluck ! don't let it ruin your life; games were meant to be fun...not time consuming and needy and expensive...

evonyplayer.ss45
evonyplayer.ss45's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 09/18/2012 - 11:04pm
hi im a top gamer on ss45

hi im a top gamer on ss45 and have played 5 years of my life on the game i was a pretty bad adict just 2 years ago but i have enjoyed the game. i have been single most my life till 7 months ago and for the past 2 years i have had a friend look after my account on a bot that does everything but attack for me. it will defend me croodly farm for me better than i can for my self and build troops with the heros i have given names to like attack1 to 8. oviously they arent my heros names as i dont want people knowing my identity in game. i have cut back alot and got back to life, never had a relationship on game but have known a couple of people who have. 1 ended a relationship after 2 years and the female unfortunatly passed away not going in to detail the other had a family but there has been some good aswell. a friend i met online 3 years ago with a son quit the game a year and a half ago after meeting an evony player online both single and now they are married. in game i am a very likable, very wise and knolagable with everything the game has to offer (also likeable in real life lol). i quit spending money on the game a year ago and know now all evony wants from its players are to be worried about being attacked, adicted and money for anything. even a e day break which costs 2 dollers. i play on weekends and when i do i spend a few hours of the night playing manopoly with her. all i can really say is i know how the others feel and a good ole bord game wouldn't hurt them each night. see what they'd think of the idea and if ya need the name to the bot for them to use if needed for them to get away just message me. it's also how many players strole away from the game. as i should know being in a top 10 alliance. i have about 10 people with details to my account if i get hurt and 8 of my 9 cities are in a safe area the one that isn't is heavly protected with nothing of true value to me in game.

Even a game can sometimes feel more real than life itself

muznewy
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 09/24/2012 - 6:13am
My wife has had an evony

My wife has had an evony addiction for 3 years or so now. It makes her laugh and she is never alone. I feel very alone, and our children get half the mother they deserve.
I keep waiting for the day to come when she realises what she is doing, but I don't think it will come in time for our marriage.
I am already at the bottom and who wants to be with a person down there.

Haymal
Offline
Last seen: 12 months 1 day ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/28/2010 - 9:20pm
I haven't posted in a long

I haven't posted in a long time. Some things have changed.

In September, 2012 my husband quit Evony. I'm not sure if this is a YIPPEE moment because of the damage done for the the last 3 1/2 years of my life. I don't know the protocal for getting back into our life, but he seems to think we should "pick up exactly where we left off"...doesn't work like that. Too much hurt, neglect, sadness, anger and betrayal to "pick up where we left off". Anyway, I'm trying to forgive (I won't EVER forget) & embrace a semblence of a new life as our other life is gone for good. I have attended ALON over the last year to cement certain guidelines for my OWN life & just getting to a meeting is good for me. My husband has asked about them & that alone seems to be the most interest he's shown in me for a very long time.

Getting back to spending more time together is a process as well. We haven't spent this much time together talking or just "being" in the last 3 years as we have this year. I still have triggers that give me the "feeling" (I know you all know that "feeling") & I feel the need to talk about Evony just say the word outloud so it's not a secret anymore. I do search for "behaviors" & I know it won't go away easily.

I'm relieved he quit Evony but to be perfectly honest, I worry about other games, Facebook games, tablets, smartphones...games are always the enemy. Once a gaming addict, always a gaming addict. I saw him looking at Dragons of Atlantis on FB...BIG RED FLAG! Now I'm upset about that. I told him to close the tab, never open it again. He didn't. He said he was just curious and not to worry. I said that's how this got started...he was curious about Evony and look what happened.

To say quitting solves all the problems is not a true statement. But we can hope.

Stay strong & pray for each other my fellow supporters!

Was blissful
Offline
Last seen: 5 years 7 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 03/27/2014 - 4:53pm
I really want to hear from

I really want to hear from the guy who was kind enough to give insite on the game but I want to know if he can share what broke him of it if u don't mind sharing because I know even recovered alcoholics don't like to rehash there bottoms because it's shameful and painful please post more sir you take me out of my emotional way of thinking and make my rational mind come round...

I was going to describe my situation and all the behavioral patterns going on daily in my home but my guy(gamer) is a new boyfriend of only 4 years and I was already married once before 15 years to an alcoholic so I know all about letting go as my marriage councerlor expland to me and my ex husband " it doesn't matter that you hardly do it anymore to her anymore and you that you can hold down a job SHE IS DONE BEING A SPONSER INSTEAD OF A SPOUSE" that's when I lovingly stepped away starting loving myself and him from a distance. Plus my boyfriends behavior is everbit of what has been described over and over on here that my eyes are still red and lump in throat was hurting from holding back tears especially because some of these relationships sounded so solid before these toxic games just like how I hate alcohol.. .....now I loved that my boyfriend wasn't a drinker and was a hard worker and sweet and not moody or intraverted like my ex but I now see I'm still attracted to ppl of addictions even though I went With someone completely opposite. Just didn't ever think I had to consider the computer world as well. But we have been through too much in this last year ...such as my dad got sick we had to move away from his family and friends and his great job to start over in Alaska with my mom and he has had hard time finding job here and living with my now widowed mother because my dad did pass away while we were here is really hard. She is honestly trying but understandably difficult to live with

But it only took one week of my boyfriend playing Evony to completely change as of yesterday he Informed me he was just wasn't happy here anymore and mostly because my mother just nags at him for hogging the family computer too much even though she doesn't even get on and we fight too much ect ect

now I'm thinking what,where, huh?? I look on the PC while he was asleep in his game and there was a girl sexting him emails dirty pictures and I got really mad and me thinking it was over a internet girl had told me he was going home to his parents he is 26 for god sakes !!!. But because of this forum I will be informing his dad of what's coming home because like someone else on here said I also started " spying "was infurious that he wanted to leave because if some random girl that sent him dirty pics and talked dirty but he ashured me that it was not like that would quit that part of the game and just talking to tha fellas and all he really wanted anyway was friends and down time so in my spying I did see he had blocked a few women on his own ect ect

but now I no it doesn't matter girl or no girl like I told my ex he has mistress she's called alcohol and me and my boyfriend although he was such a rock with my dad passing and a wonderful guy before I at least had a husband before that tried for at least 5 of those 15 years and fought for me and didn't wanna run home to mommies and daddies where he can just game and lose himself

so I know I won't be able to beat this mistress aka EVONY so yea like I asked up at the top please sir give me more knowledge because I do love him so much I want to give his parents a heads up To prevent this in his life when he gets back

I'm going to just start the very very very painful break up process ...I'm too tired and fragile right now to put another addict together and waist another 15 years of my life trying to fixing another man because ironically my gamer/ bf taught me after my divorce life's too short to waist with someone your just not compatible with and although I love sooo much probably more than my ex because before evony we were so compadable we just won't beat this especially if these other beautiful relationships above mine here on this site couldn't I know we can't he obviosiouly doesn't love me back on the same intensity it breaks my heart to read on here all of you ladies story and I'm sad that these really long committed relationships are just ruined by addictions

Haymal
Offline
Last seen: 12 months 1 day ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/28/2010 - 9:20pm
September 2014 will be 2

September 2014 will be 2 years since my husband quit Evony.

Gaming Addiction doesn't go away. Distrust doesn't go away...neglect, sadness, loniness, it all is still hovers in my memory. Trying to understand the addiction or addict is impossible. But, for me, understanding myself was the only way I could cope. Alanon & Olganon gave me tools to cope at home and late at night when I couldn't sleep, calm my mind.

I'm still married to my husband, his addiction is always on my mind. I'm trying to trust him again. But going to a meeting helps me live MY life better.

Stay strong & Pray for Each Other!

Haymal

Azaii
Offline
Last seen: 5 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 10/10/2014 - 12:08pm
Been there. Left after about

Been there. Left after about a year and a half of addiction, and it's all over 3 years ago now.

Also made most of the people, who played with me at my last server, quit aswell, since I actually realised how terrible (mechanics\bugs\botting\cheating etc) the game was all the time from the day I started playing it.

Our team (alliance) was a top one, and I was a top player myself, completely understanding why the game is so addictive. Still remember the names, so many, friends or foes, quite funny.

May also mention that I had an experience of bringing 2 alliances (later coalitions) to the top on the same server, which led to a 2 sided global war later. I was the leader of both sides (had many alt accounts). And yes, noone knew that (even my best gunz ;]), and thats what brought most of the fun for me. Not to mention my 3rd - strongest - account on the server, which was a prank-style, untag (no alliance), hated by all of them, talking sh1t to my alter-egos in the same time. Didn't give me any mental problems though ;] but well, who knows...

Jumped into my last server lately, noticed many names I still remember, and that is a WOW. Somehow google led me here. Hard to believe, this game is still killing people, quite literally sometimes, considering that I tried to read few of the posts here (english is not native for me). Sad. Very, very sad.

The game is all about dominating, being stronger, defeating others, and spending money or being online 24\7 or botting, or all together. This people got to understand somehow, that the real looser is the one who plays to be at the top. Successful in-game = ruined RL.

Antigone
Offline
Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 12/08/2014 - 5:21pm
I knew my husband was

I knew my husband was keeping secrets from me, facebook etc. He even published an apology to me there but neither one of us had heard of game addiction. The secrets were a holdover from when he was playing Evony, he stopped about six months ago. He didn't want to admit to either me or himself how bad it was. Unfortunatly all of the symptoms of gaming addiction fit the problem. I've stayed with him but trust will be an issue for a long time. I am still disgusted with his flirting but since I am a creative person I wrote a poem to send to his online buddies. I looked at some of their facebook photos...enough said. If any of you want to share it please feel free. I couldn't get it to format as a poem so double periods count as a line change and two slashes define stanzas.

Game Sisters

The sisters..
of mercy give comfort..Be they Evony, Yew, or Yvonne..A riot of passion unleashed..Real life, real values, foregone //The sisters.. are active all day..Even night gives way to their play..The divorced, the rejected, the ugly..There, they can finally have sway //They game,.. As if it matters..A dimension where they know they are free..No one knows of their failures..Or who they might really be //The sisters.. They share their delusion..Addicted to an electrical drug..They wait to suck in the lonely..To give a virtual hug //Real sex doesn't enter their temple.. Past traumas have left them bereft..They wait in a game to do battle..And pretend..They have something to get //

Antigone

Misery1987
Offline
Last seen: 4 years 9 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/18/2015 - 10:28am
My husband is addicted to

My husband is addicted to this stupid game. He has lied to me about spending real money and to be honest, I am hurt by the fact that he lied to me. I am angry. He played before and quit the game because it was tearing our family apart. He sold the account to his best friend (who was the reason that he started playing in the first place) and I thought that he was done with it altogether. Then in November 2013, he started playing again. I knew that it meant trouble and I told him that if he was going to be playing, I didn't want him spending real money on the game because we can't afford it and that I didn't want every conversation we have to be about the game because I told him I didn't care about the game, didn't want to hear it. Now, he plays every day, even when at work. We have trust between the two of us and he gave me his online banking password to be able to check on how much money we have/should I need to use it to pay a bill or something. He works nights so I understand that working overnight and trying to keep yourself awake can be boring so I let it ride. I checked his online bank statement and found out that in just 3 days, he spent $116.22 on this game! I am so angry. So I sent him a message and told him that he lied to me and that I am beyond angry about it. He sent back a sad face. I don't know how to get him to stop playing and I am worried that he is going to find someone online and will just completely ignore me and our son like he did before. He has lied to me in the past so it makes me wonder what else he has lied about. Sorry that this post is so long but I really don't know where else to turn.

I also wanted to know a couple of things about the game from frequent players on here. Is there a way to check the purchase history within the game? I know how to get into his account, I just don't know how to check it. Second, is there a way to check a chat log? Is there some kind of history for chat too?

Thanks in advance. I know it sounds like I don't trust him but because he lied to me, I need to verify that he is telling me the truth.

Log in or register to post comments