My husband is hopelessly addicted - I'm heartbroken!

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ThornlessDaisy
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My husband is hopelessly addicted - I'm heartbroken!

My husband is 36 and I'm 34. He's always loved computer games and has gotten obsessive in his playing at times. But when it was just a regular single player game, it wasn't as bad. He'd be obsessed for a while then he'd finish the game and it would be done until the next game. His first online game was Anarchy Online. He also now plays Everquest. The single player games all had a beginning, a middle, and an end. That's the curse of these online games - THEY NEVER END!

He doesn't realize how toxic these "fun" games have become. Or if he does, he won't admit it. Because he travels a lot for work he thinks he's fine - he can't play all the time so he doesn't have a problem. But when he's home he plays constantly.

I love him so much but he's making life very hard. If I suggest that he's playing too much, he lashes out at me and gets angry. He spends very little time with me anymore and I miss the days before online gaming when we used to do things together. We used to go take a drive - go to a big bookstore or out to dinner. Now he has to check with his gamer friends just to eat dinner at home with me. He lives a whole life on the computer that I know nothing about.

I don't know how to make him see how destuctive this is. When I talk to him at all I'm just nagging him. I really thought he'd get bored of this but he's been playing for years. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm glad I found this board but I'm thoroughly depressed that there's such a need for it.

Xandtar
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Re: My husband is hopelessly addicted - I'm heartbroken!

Welcome.

I am sorry to hear of your husband's trouble. As an addict, I know what price my family paid for my gaming.

Many addicts are in denial, they use the classic "I can quit whenever I want to" lie. And if they can, they're not addicts. But since they don't try, we can't always tell from the outside view if any one person is an addict or not.

I hope your husband breaks free of this computer problem and realizes how good he has it. Only time will tell.

Good luck to you.

Leveling in Real Life

lizwool
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Re: My husband is hopelessly addicted - I'm heartbroken!

Hi There Daisy.

We are in the chatroom. Come in and chat with us. The directions are here - p198.ezboard.com/folgafrm36

Liz

Liz Woolley

wowburned
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Greetings!

Greetings,

I had a very similar issue with my girlfriend (see thread posted below).

p198.ezboard.com/folgafrm...D=27.topic

The lashing out is a very, very common symptom of gaming addiction. I have read many of these posts and they all seem to include it in some form or another.

I have recently had great improvement my situation in regards my relationship with my girlfriend because one day I saw her on AIM and I laid bare all that I was feeling. Being unable to scream or lash out at words or distort them for her own gain she was forced to read what I had to say. This worked great! We had a very long enduring conversation and although she still plays things have gotten a hundred times better. It seems that gamers like this can understand chat style conversations almost better then the spoken word. You might try this with him some time if you can catch him online. It really helps a lot. I found out that she had some issues with me regarding other things in our relationship that I never knew about and after getting it all off of her chest (and all off mine) things are going great now.

Hope things get better.

:. J

p.s. lashing out is usually an indicator that your addicted partner knows that he or she has a problem and lashes out because of guilt more than anything. this is a good sign really, it means they still care. The ones that say nothing and just continue to play are the one that are really lost.

shiva
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Re: Greetings!

this thing about gamers reacting better to chat type conversations is very interesting, will remember it

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What you think, you create. What you say, you produce. What you do, you call forth more of.

raffster
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Re: My husband is hopelessly addicted - I'm heartbroken!

You need to put your foot down. The biggest mistake my wife did (on her part) is that she kept most of her frustration inside. Then one day last February she said that she cannot live with me any longer. Of course she had vented quite a number of times that she didn't appreciate how much time I was dedicating to that stupid game but she never seemed serious enough to make it look like she was actually going to leave me for a game.

Just disappear a few days (spend it with your parents or friends) and just tell him what's the point being with him if he's not going to be there for you? If he complains tell him that he should cut back his game play or you're going to leave. A few days that he doesn't see you will shake him up for sure.

It's pretty harsh but trust me, it will ALWAYS end up this road unless you love being a masochist.

Heartbroken in Texas
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Re: My husband is hopelessly addicted - I'm heartbroken!

Daisy, I answered your post but put it under online game final fantasy. You should also read my post. Lost spouse to final fantasy. Good luck

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