I am just here seeking advice and support....my husband has been playing the same MMORPG game for years. Gaming has always been a hobby of his. We are both individuals who enjoy doing our own things. In the past, my husband has always been able to turn the game off when needed and attend to his personal matters. My problem begins more recently. A few months ago he joined a group of other gamers who logon at certain times and do "events" together. These events became an intrical part of his life to the point where he was declining going out and doing social things so that he would not miss events or if he did go out or spend time with myself or friends he would always cut it short so that he could be home in time for his online events. I was upset by this, and I spoke with him about it but I did not wish to sound like a nag, (it's not like I did'nt KNOW this is how he enjoyed spending free time in the past) I just became upset when I felt like it was impedeing on our real life.
The past month or so, I have noticed a complete change in his demeanor. He has been keeping the computer room door closed, he has been using a headset so that I can not hear both ends of the conversation, his sleeping patterns have changed and he is up all hours and when I would walk into the room he would close up windows and become defensive. Finally, one night I confronted him. I walked into the room late at night and he became extremely upset. He asked me to leave, I refused. He asked me again, I refused and instead sat on the couch and said I was not moving until he told me what was going on. He logged off and we talked...I asked him if he was talking to a woman and what was going on. He said that there was a woman on his game that had "feelings" for him. I asked him if he also had feelings for her. After a few attempts, he admitted that he has feelings for her and that they had been talking for about 4 weeks. I was totally devastated. He keeps telling me he loves me and that he is not going to throw our marriage away on a "whim", but at the same time he won't separate himself from her or stop talking to her. He says seeing me hurt crushes him. But I don't feel like it crushes him because if it did he would do everything in his power to fix the problem. He says he needs time to "think about things" I finally just asked him flat out what this means. And he admitted that he is unsure of what it means and when I asked him if he has actually considered walking out on our marriage he says he doesn't know. That whole conversation was full of "I don't knows". He doesn't know what he feels for her or why and he says that scares him because he says he would never cheat on me (his definition of cheating is physical) but I already feel cheated on and like my life has spiraled out of control. He says he is fearful of these feelings because he does not know where they come from. I have asked him if he loves me, if there is anything I am not giving him or there is anything I should do differently. He says he loves me, there is nothing I could do differently and there is nothing I am not giving him and he does not know why he feels "connected" to this other woman.
I know he talks about me on the game all the time, all the players know he is married I have myself spoken to a few of them. I am also angry at her for pursuing a married man. ANd I am angry with him for betraying me like this. And I feel like I am constantly grasping at straws and feeling like he doesn't care even though he says he does because he wants to "figure things out" first and then draw a conclusion. Before this all went down, we had a wondeful marriage, never argued, lots of love and support and sensitivity. We have always been very connected as a couple.
Now I sit, totally devastated like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me and he my best allie feels like he is now sitting on the other side. I don't know what to do, I'm confused and hurt. I don't know what to make of this situation. But it is painful. I am here because I truly need to feel supported right now...any thoughts?