My story

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Emeralda
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Joined: 03/29/2009 - 2:54pm
My story

Hi everyone,
I joined today after thinking for a while that I needed some sort of support for my current situation. I understand addiction quite well since I am an addiction's counselor, a graduate student doing an MA in counselling Psych and am a recovering addict/alcoholic of 11 yrs. But what I know in my mind would never fully prepare me for the pain I would feel in my heart. My bf of 3 or so years has a gaming addiction. I have always tried to chose people in my life that were not addicts, but I ended up with one. When we 1st met he told me he used to have a gaming addiciton to Everquest ( I had no knowledge of what that was and didn't think anything of it since he never gamed). After 6 months of being together he began to play Battlefield, which at the time didn't bother me because I thought "Isn't that what boys do, game" and besides he didn't game too often. Over time his gaming progressed and my loneliness, sadness, and anger grew. He lost interest in any other activity other than gaming, even our sex life suffered. I began to feel insecure, not good enough, unattractive, and resented him greatly for the rejection I felt. I love him greatly and it kills me to watch him go through this and I can't do anything about it. I tried to control him before but the more i did that the farther away he'd be and the more he gamed. So now I try not to nag or complain about all the long hours he puts into this. What I do is express my personal feelings and I told him that I will leave if I become very unhappy. I have never been one to stay in unhappy life situations. Over the years the game (or drug of choice) has changed. He was into wow and everquest at the same time and many others, He has several level 70's in WOW. I started to feel like he was cheating because of his low sex drive and pushing me away but then I realized his mistress was/is his computer. I have been enabling and in denial of his problem. I have made the decision to not enable his gaming any longer (care-taking). My denial really has been a huge way I've been coping with this since my emotions are so strong that I feel I have difficulty handling them. So, i've been avoiding my feelings about this since I feel totally not in control over this problem. I have realized that the only thing I can do is change me. So I try to have things in my life that I do for me, take care of myself and not let him take advantage of me (ie., doing what he wants me to do like cook, etc). I almost left him last winter because his wow playing got really bad and i was so miserable. He wouls skip meals, drink tons of coffee, and not even go to the bathroom ( he'd bring the laptop to the tiolet cuz he didnt want to break from it). At this point he games daily and I do feel lonely a lot. He knows I will leave. My concern was having children and I told him of my fears that he will neglect our kids because he wont want to put the game away to play with them. I already feel alone and I dont want to raise kids as a single mother or for them to feel how I feel). My time line for him is 2 yrs or less depending on how I feel. I'm not ready to give up on him yet. I need someone who is supportive, there for me and he lacks in this department. He peaked at my computer today and seen the site I was on, this one, and was was upset by it. He hasn't gamed all day since, lol. I think I may email the link to him and tell him he should check it out sometime. He is very much in denial of his problem. He justifies his gaming in many ways. He admits it sometimes, very rarely, but refuses to stop completely. He says it's who he is, a gamer, and he's proud. For now i am going to focuss on me. Ultimately I have a big life-ultering choice to make, a very heart breaking one. To lose the love of my life, but I already feel I have. Besides the gaming problem we don't even fight and there is a lot of love in our relationship. Not sure what I will do yet. I hate addiction, it is taking from me the love of my life. Thanks for listening and always open to others opinions or somments.

BigH501
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Last seen: 8 years 11 months ago
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Joined: 12/15/2006 - 10:31am
Hello Emeralda, and

Hello Emeralda, and welcome. . I think you have the right idea of focusing on yourself.

" ... don't question it just go" "... where the body goes the mind will follow"
.
Borrowed from "Desire to Stop"

Gamersmom
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Joined: 07/15/2006 - 12:33am
You also have the right idea

You also have the right idea to not have kids with him. There are some sad stories out there. Take care of yourself.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

michael
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Joined: 10/20/2008 - 2:54pm
Emeralda - i can relate.

Emeralda - i can relate. Carry the 12 Promises in your wallet and read them daily...it will help. There are many happy stories out there...look for them.

Be Good to yourself! Rule #62: "Don't take yourself too **** seriously! " 12x12 Book And dont forget to donate... Donate

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