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lizwool
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New to the Board

****Copied here from "General Discussion" area...

Hello everyone. I am the author of the "Interesting Story from the EQ Wids Site" that was posted on 8/1/02, in the My Story Section.

First off some things about me. I am 21, almost 22 years old. I live in NY and lived in a small town in WV growing up.

My family was a close family, almost to close. Like smothering close. My grandmother was the sibling of 8 other children, my grandfather was the sibling of 6. My greatgrandmother and great grandfather came over from Italy. My mother was the sibling of 4 other children. To this day, I'm in contact with all my uncles, aunts, great uncles and great aunts. Not to mention my great grandmother and until my great grandfather died of cancer, him too. My mother was a rouge in the rough so to say. She was a plain looking girl. Nobody ever loved her and when finally someone did, it wasn't met to be. Needless to say my mother and my father (whom I do not know) got together one night after dating for a while, and she got pregnant. He left under mysterious circumstances the next day. I do not know where he is to this day, and this cut me very deeply.

I am the sibling of a sister, who is another attempt of my mother looking for 'love'. She will be 18 this feb. My mother favored my sister over me. I was never the bad child. I always tried to recieve my mothers love. For example, one time, I won Second in an art contest (when i was 15, 16, or 17) and what does my mother say? "Nikki, come in first next time" Not a good job. I was a pretty girl, but I never felt if I belonged. All the guys I dated, there was some type of feeling missing. I chalk this up to the feeling you have when you know your mother loves you. Then came my mother's marriage to my stepdad. I suppose, I should have been tickled pink that she finally had someone to love, but I had this absolute dread deep down inside of me. Turns out that my stepdad has a rare case of MS (Multiple Scholosis) and "Donald has the brain of a Two year old Infant" (the doctor said that). I had to change his diapers, feed him, bathe him, with the help of my sister. Needless to say, I ran away with the first guy that showed any signs of undying love to me, which brings me to my fiance.

Justin was not the problem child. He was not the most popular kid in class and he once tried to commit suicide, though he will not tell me why. He was a shell of a man when I met him, threw AOL in college. I wanted to help him and one thing turned to another and we ended up spending the night together one night. Being with me turned his life around. HE was never depressive, his personality changed, and he became loving. (This was all before DAoC and EQ) I knew he was my soulmate the minute I laid eyes on him, and he felt the same way. We had a happy year together and got a place together. Then came the game that I wanted to buy.....EverQuest.

EverQuest doesn't sound that bad. I did not foresee that it would eventually lead to the downfall of my relationship. At first, I admit, I was intrigued by it. When I started my enchanter, Ninnydari, I was immediately in a guild, at lvl 1. I'm leaving the guild name out for an obvious purpose. I soon took on the role of helping the guild to be better. Then EverQuest lost its appeal to me. I admit, I still think about going back to it sometimes but then I remember Justin's attitude about it.

Justin lost 3 jobs because he stayed up all night and wouldn't get up for work. He became irritable and there was this person on there that I'm still wary about. He says nothing happened, that they just joked around and flirted. Well, his body rotted one day and he had to start the character over. She sent him a tell and he said, "It'll be awhile until we can hunt together again." She replied, "I can wait, You're worth it." He replied, "Watch what you say, you can get me in trouble with my girlfriend." I happen to be passing by that moment. She didn't write anything back and that was the last he heard from her. I have a habit of overreacting because in the past my ex boyfriend of 9 years slept with my suppose best friend. We almost broke up over that conversation.

Things changed with DAoC. He still stayed up late and missed work but At least he wasn't cheating on me. I could put up with it, until we got in an argument and he hit me and tried to choke me. That was the wake up call that he needed.

The rest everyone knows.

Just wanted to say hi and I'll try to help the best I can. My boyfriend is stubborn and still insists that he hasn't got a problem so he won't come to this site. I apologize for how long this is too.

Love and Best Wishes

Nikki

***For those of you who haven't read it, here is the "rest of the story".....

Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello everyone. I know its been awhile since you have heard from
me. I been very busy since i last posted.

For one thing i had to do alot of thinking, since my beloved came
home from his temporary stay at his mothers. While he did not go
back to playing that '****' game (Dark Age of Camelot) for about a
week, soon he started playing obscene amounts of time on it again. I
asked him to stop and cut down and he basically told me, "Why, I get
up on time for work, I get alot of sleep," I then told him some
choice words and that i would move back with my mother, until he
would realize that its either me or that game. (My mother lives in
WV and I live in western NY btw.)

Within a couple of weeks, I get a call from him. He basically said
that he was sorry, blah, blah, blah. I had heard that all before,
around the time that he said he would cut down after he hit me! But
this time, there was a note of desperation in his voice, that wasn't
there last time. Well, i think it was there, perhaps i was hearing
things in his voice I wanted to hear. Then he said, "Snuggles, you
know i love you. I'd do anything you want to make it up to you. I'm
a man of my word." Just like the last time he said he would cut down
and didn't? I was thinking, but i decided i'd give him 1 more chance
but if i was coming back it would be on my own terms. I then told
him, "If i am coming back, you ARE going to delete your characters
and uninstall DAoC. Then your going to break the CD so you can't
reinstall it. Finally, you ARE going to admit that you have a
problem." I was never this bossy ever in my life. But when you
reach the end of your rope with someone it is surprising to what you
would do. In short, he did everything he said he was going to do.
He actually cried when he deleted his 43 arms! I, myself, thought
this was pathetic, but i didn't want to say anything.

The next week was like we were on egg shells. He was snappy and
moody. He did not feel like 'being' together at all. I chalked this
up to withdrawl. He actually went through withdrawl from this game.
Its sick to know that someone can become addicted to a game, and its
alittle scary to.

I went shopping with friends one night, and figure to ease his habit,
I'd by him neverwinter nights. You don't have to play it online, but
its free to do so. Its a form of Dungeons and Dragons, but on the
computer. I walk in the house and found him glueing the pieces of
the CD together. To my surprise, horror, and amazement, I dropped
the bag that contained NWN.

To keep my addict's attention, i bought several things to try to keep
his mind off of it. I suggested he enroll back into school, having
dropped out of college. I also enrolled. I'm going to be a
zoologist when I grow up and look forward to working with animals. He
wants to be a teacher, and eventually teach college. To do this, he
has to kick his addiction.

Well, now, its calmed down quite a bit. Last night, just before
getting up to go to work, he came in and admitted to me that it was
insane to spend time on creating a character. He missed out on so
much of me. I just smiled and knew that this was as close as I was
going to get to him actually admitting and believing that he was
addicted. Who knows what will happen now.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edited by: lizwool at: 8/15/02 1:28:55 pm

Liz Woolley

lizwool
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Re: New to the Board

*****Copied from "General Discussion" area

Nikki,

Thank you for writing.

I really appreciate it.

This is a sad story.

Would you mind, if I placed a copy of this under the "family" story section?

Also, I am going to also add the "rest" of your story, to this one.

I am sorry that Justin will not come to our board.

I am wondering if there is anything else we can do.
If you would like, I can talk to him, and explain what we
are doing, so it does not sound so "threatening" to him.

If you would like me to do this, call 612-245-1115. I will gladly call you back, so it does not cost you any money.

We are really here, for people like him, who are in the "midst" of quitting and need the support to stay quit.

Maybe you could explain to him, that we are doing this, not because we "hate" gamers, but because we care about the ones who need help, because the gaming is hurting them or their loved ones.

Our mission, is to give hope to the gamer and their loved ones.

We are here to support the gamers and their loved ones, to think more about themselves, than the games!

I am afraid he will go and buy more cd's.

Until he really admits he has a problem, and decides he wants to quit - not that he is just quitting for you, it is highly likely that he will start playing again.

You will have to think about this, and if he does go and buy more games, what are you going to do?

I am not sure moving him from one game to the next is the answer.

He will probably want Starwars Galaxy.

If I were you, I would not marry him, at this point. He has an addiction.

I know you are still with him, because you do love him, but when the relationship start harming you, please try to remember, you may be addicted the relationship, and cannot leave because of that. Leaving a relationship, is very difficult, especially when you really love the person, but when harm is being done to you because of it, you need to think more of yourself than the relationship.

In my opinion, an addiction is when the "act" hurts the person doing the act, or their loved ones.

This could include gaming, drinking, eating, gambling, smoking, a relationship, etc.

At that point, it becomes a merry-go-round, and pain will not stop, until someone gets off.

Please don't let yourself be hurt, anymore. Think more of yourself. You do NOT deserve it.

Take GOOD care of yourself!

Concerned,
Liz

Liz Woolley

Kafsters
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Re: New to the Board

My hubby posted this ...please read =)

I would just like to say thank you for running this website.I am an EQ widower.When my lovely wife was spending countless hours in game,I was out running around with my real life friends watching nascar,football,boating etc...I thought I had the greatest wife in the world.she would let me do whatever I want.when ever I wanted to and after fourteen years of marriage I really enjoyed my new found instant freedom.No more nagging or questions.She would give me a kiss as I was walking out the door,and a cheerful hello when I came back hours later.I thought this was just great.Little did I know, an online relationship was forming with her and one of her guildmates.When my wife sat me down and told me she wanted a divorce I was floored.I had no idea this relationship was taking place.I know all marriages have there ups and downs and ours is no different.We did have issues that were not game related.We both choose to cope with this in our own way and not together as we used to.The only saving grace we had was we still liked each other.We enjoy the same things in real life.After months and I do mean months of digging around in the computer.I found out this guildmate would always rescue her when she was lost,died,etc...long story short this guy became her hero, her knight in shining armour.I was just the other guy.Thank God my wife and I were friends and not just each others lovers.This gave us something in real life to build on.At the present time things our working out.I'm spending more time with the wife and kids.My trust in her is slowly coming back.This was somthing I really thought wouldn't even happen.but we always had our friendship to build on and both of us in our own way are doing just that.We are starting to laugh at the funny things in life and enjoy the simple things life has to offer.I can honestly say I wouldn't trade my wife for anyone she is my bright spot on a cloudy day,the loving mother of our three boys,my lover,and most of all my friend.so hang in there all you EQ widows and widowers.If there is a smoldering ember still left in each others heart you have something to build on,something to look forward to.Life dosen't have to be that hard.In closing,I hope this letter will help someone else who is going through an EQ love affair. Thanks Mike

Edited by: Kafsters at: 8/17/02 3:22:03 pm

lizwool
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Re: New to the Board

Mike,

Thanks for sharing your story, to give other family members and loved ones of addicted gamers hope. We appreciate it.

I hope you are her hero now - you should be, after reading that letter!

I wish you all the best, in your "real" relationship.

Feel free to come back, and post anytime. Other people will appreciate the encouragement.

Liz

Liz Woolley

Takitan
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Re: New to the Board

You know liz, I commend you.

Being an EQ gamer and reading most of the stuff (should I say crap) that most other gaming addicts sites post I will admit that you hit the nail right on the head, reason being.

Quote:

Maybe you could explain to him, that we are doing this, not because we "hate" gamers, but because we care about the ones who need help, because the gaming is hurting them or their loved ones.

and...

Quote:

This could include gaming, drinking, eating, gambling, smoking, a relationship, etc.

This tells me that you are aware that there are many more detrimental (sp?) things to our lives that just EQ. I hear time after time on boards similar to these, that EQ is the problem and the only problem.

You have demostrated here that you recognize a problem in a given situation and offer help, wheter it be drinkin smoking, pimping, cheating, gambling, etc, etc, in addition to online gaming.

The game is only an outlet, as is any other form or retrobution that may come about a given situation, and you recognize that.

I know this may be an old post, but I felt the need to post my opinion.

I will encourage anybody that is haveing problems because of this game, or any other outlet, to take a step back, and think about what it really is you want in life, and/or your relationship with your signifigant other.

Life is too short, and if you dont get what you want, theres no turning back, think about what you want.

justawife2
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here's another story

I'm not sure exactly where to start. I almost feel guilty being on this "thing" called the computer. It's sad really. In a world where technology can help so much, it can also ruin so quickly.

It started many years ago. My husband and I met in elementary school. We were both 5. We grew up as friends wanting to be more, but we were both so young. In the sixth grade, my family moved 400 miles away. I always said I would come back, but youth waits for noone. After completing my second year of college, I transferred back to the city that I grew up in. Not really thinking of the past other than wanting to meet up with old friends. Time past and my yet-to-be husband and I did meet up again. This time however, he was just getting divorced as was I. He had two beautiful daughters and I had a wonderful son. Instant family. We dated for a year and then were married. I never thought things could be so wonderful. He really was the answer to my prayers. We moved to a small town to raise our family (we now had a daughter together) and bought a beautiful home on several acres of land. My oldest step-daughter even came to live with us. Then it happened. My friend's husband introduced my husband to EQ. At the time, I thought is was no big deal. Boy was I wrong. Not only did he begin to ignore our children and me, but he was not going to work regularly. I was very concerned that he would loose his job. At one point, I tried to remove the computer from the house and he actually almost broke my arm. I called the sherriff's department and they came out and asked him to leave. He promised once again as he did in months past that he would get control and "limit" himself on the game. It never happened. Oh yes, did I mention that his first wife left him because of the computer? Finally, 4 days ago, I had my fill. I had mine and my kids bags packed. I was leaving him. I had warned him time and time again that the day would come. He didn't believe me. I left to my sister's. He called me and asked me to come home so that we could talk. I decided to "make one last effort". I came home and he told me he quit the game. He was sorry and wanted his wife and his children back. I realize it has not been long, but this time, I saw the truth in his eyes. I cried and cried because I felt like I was finally talking to the man I had married. I know the road ahead will be a bumpy one, but I know that together we can handle anything that comes our way. To anyone out there who thinks that "us wives" just nag to nag. Please hear my cry. We nag because we love our husbands and our families. We nag because our children deserve more. We nag because we deserve more. We nag because YOU deserve more.

justawife2

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