Newly Wed and Nearly divorced

10 posts / 0 new
Last post
jessicatombs
Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 03/09/2009 - 9:19pm
Newly Wed and Nearly divorced

Hi there! I have been with my husband for 7 years now and only married for 7 month's, and I truly believe that my husband is addicted to his video games.Every year he get's layed off in the winter and every winter he has played a lot of video games. It use to just be annoying to me but this winter has been the worst ever. I really don't think that he is gonna snap out of it like he has every other spring. He wakes up at 8 am every morning and then proceeds to downstairs were he has his video game setup.he then begins to play ALL day. the only time I actually see my husband is if he comes upstairs to use the washroom or if he decides to grab a quick snack.he continues to play until the wee hours of the morning and sometimes I don't even know if he sleeps. He has become detached from me and our four children, I feel like I am a single parent. He does not eat meals with us as a family and ha hasn't even changed his clothes or showered in the last eleven days. Our marriage has suffered to the point of divorce. If he does not snap out of it I think that too much damage has been done to our relationship to be revived. I guess I have kind of reached the end of my rope and am looking for some advice . Please help me out

gsingjane
gsingjane's picture
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 6 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 06/05/2007 - 2:28pm
Good morning

Good morning Jessica, (((Hugs))) to you. What a sad situation, especially for your children. Wow, four kids, that's a lot, especially with no daddy. It certainly sounds as if your husband has developed a pretty serious gaming habit. I would suggest that you start getting educated about addiction generally, and gaming addiction specifically, by reading some of the information on this site. Gaming addictions can be very serious and cause dreadful harm to marriages. Believe me when I tell you, we have no "magic words" or "secret strategy" people can use to "break" others of their gaming addictions. Your husband's gaming addiction has been building for years and it's not going to be cured in a short time. If it ever is. A couple of notes, first, as you know, your kids are the priority here. Do NOT, so far as you can, let them suffer because of your husband's problems. Do fun things with them (without him if necessary), make life interesting and special whether he's there or not. They will only ever have one childhood. Second, be extremely careful about leaving them alone with him for care. There have been tragedies involving neglected children and addicted gamers and you don't want to add to the list. I know this puts even more stress and pressure on you as the mom, but I also know you would never forgive yourself if something were to happen. Find yourself some real-life support: maybe someone you know who knows something about addictions, even if it's not gaming addictions - a non-judgmental friend or relative - a pastor or priest or counselor - but someone who can help and understand and give you that warm shoulder to cry on sometimes. And take care of yourself! It is a tough battle. Jane in CT

jessicatombs
Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 03/09/2009 - 9:19pm
Thank-you for the words of

Thank-you for the words of encouragement and advice.His addiction has taken such a toll on all of us. I do do fun things with our children, which of course daddy is never a part of. I guess i am feeling burnt right out, because i now consider myself a single mom.I just want to scream at the top of my lungs! , because I just don't know how much more I can take.

NZ zebra
NZ zebra's picture
Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 03/03/2009 - 6:27pm
Dear Jessica, I read your

Dear Jessica, I read your story and must say that your husband sounds as if he's got it bad. I'm not sure how to help, except to say that my man was much like yours for a while but he managed to come back from that very distant place inside the machine to at least spend time with his kids. He still prefers his game to me though, much of the time, but he's not nearly as bad as he was. I think factors that helped us were 1) I stopped doing things around the house when he was playing - I just let it fall and refused to take on his responsibilities, 2) I left him with the kids all day when I went to work - which forced him out of the box and into the real world, where he realized that he loves the kids and enjoys spending time with them, and 3) I told him without threatening just how pointless it all felt to me and informed him that I didn't see myself in this context in the future. As I said, he's still playing as much as he can and it still drives me up the wall but there is at least some kind of balance.

jessicatombs
Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 03/09/2009 - 9:19pm
I truly appreciate your

I truly appreciate your reply. Thank-you for taking your time to write to me, it helps me to see that there are people out there who understand. For the factors that you have outlined 1) I refuse to clean up around his gaming area which is downstairs. He is quite content to sit in the filth . As for his responsibilities i have taken them pretty much all on, or at least as many as I can to keep my life and the lives of our children some what normal. 2) I have left him alone with our four children all day and I have come home to a totally trashed house. The kids have the run of the house when i am not there because he rarely comes upstairs. right now he finds our kids to be a thorn in his side.Sometimes it is just not worth leaving the house for fear of what might happen when my children are left to there own devices.3) i have very nicely tried to talk to him about how his addiction is hurting not only our marriage but our children as well . I used phrases that started with I instead of you and he always turned it around on me. I do truly appreciate your response and just knowing that I am not alone helps a little every day.

NZ zebra
NZ zebra's picture
Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 03/03/2009 - 6:27pm
You're absolutely not

You're absolutely not alone. I am so sorry to hear how bad things are for you though and wish I could help somehow. I know that besides the OLGA place there's a website especially for gaming widows / widowers. I used to go there for support sometimes when we had a real troublesome time. I'll find the url for you and post it here when I do. You so not at all alone - and it can really help talking to other people in a similar situation.

NZ zebra
NZ zebra's picture
Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 03/03/2009 - 6:27pm
http://gamerwidow.com/ This

http://gamerwidow.com/ This place is crammed with people who's spouses have left this world for virtual adventures. You might find some really helpful people there too. Best wishes, Mia

tora
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 3 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 03/10/2009 - 6:09am
Hun i wish you all the luck

Hun i wish you all the luck in the world i hope you can make him see, sence but dont end up wer i am today. put you and your kids first dont let it eat you upinside until you crack like i did. Thinking of you x

picklednoodles
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 3 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 12/06/2008 - 6:09pm
Welcome Jessica, and I have

Welcome Jessica, and I have three words for you that may be the answer to your heartache: Seasonal Affective Disorder. In a nutshell, someone with this condition can go from being as happy and carefree in the summer as can be, to being severely depressed in the winter with no explainable reason. What tipped me off was that you said he typically snaps out of his gaming binges when spring comes. I did this exact thing last year. Do some research on SAD. For me, it changed a lot of the dynamics of my addiction and if I hadn't addressed my case of SAD before winter came this year there is no way I could have successfully quit. I don't know how willing you are to help your husband anymore, maybe its too late for that. If not then at least if your husband has SAD you'll better understand him, if you're still willing then you'll want to get his gaming problem from the back door. The issue of his SAD will need to be addressed first. If you can get him to cooperate with you on that, then he'll start feeling better very quickly and will be far more likely to listen when you bring up the topic of his gaming. Depression and addiction (particularly gaming) go hand in hand FAR too well, and the treatment of them can't be separated. Please feel free to ask me about SAD, since I'm personally affected by it I've done some research and have lots of info on it. I don't want to drown you in info though if you don't feel like the disorder affects him.

"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win." -Jonothan Kozol

jessicatombs
Offline
Last seen: 11 years 7 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 03/09/2009 - 9:19pm
Thank-you for your

Thank-you for your suggestion's . I am now wondering myself if that is the case. Maybe his addiction is his way of dealing with his SAD. I have been looking online and reading as much as I can about it, and I think I am on the right track now.the only other thing that worries me is that it has gone too far to be able to stop this coming spring. I guess time will only tell. Thanks for steering me into what I hope is the cause of his addiction. :)

Log in or register to post comments