Professional Counselor!

18 posts / 0 new
Last post
agb.sadwife
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 1 week ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/24/2009 - 10:43pm
Professional Counselor!

I am meeting with a counselor to deal with and better understand what my husband goes through with the addiction. I found the counselor through the Professionals tab on this website. I almost starting crying on the phone, as the counselor described that the game can be as addicitive as alcohol or cocaine and its all about the drug of choice (as far as the brain chemicals, etc.) I felt such relief that FOR ONCE a professional is taking the problem seriously and truly UNDERSTANDS what I have had to live with over the last 4 -5 years.

If nothing else, I feel like I will gain knowledge and understand how the addiction affects him. I think it will be a step in the direction of being less angry, as I understand that it isnt personal against me and my daughter, but out of his control. Also, I think this will give me the opportunity to work on my own personal issues and self improvement, etc. It is going to take such bravery and courage if I finally decide to move on without him. I will need support and a Professional to remind me and validate what I have been in denial about myself, for far too long.

My husband claims that he has set up a counseling appointment for himself to see a specialist, but he won't tell who it is. . . so I am wondering if he will simply see a regular counselor. Either way, I am fairly certain that he will lie and say he plays the game a few hours here and there. Last night he tried to tell me that he doesn't raid anymore and is in bed by 10:30 every night. The truth is that he is lucky to be in bed by 1:30, after playing for 4-6 hours every night during the weeek and double on the weekends.

I had a dream the other night that he sold his characters and used the money to take me on a vacation!!! It was lovely, but then I woke up and realized that it was a dream. I have been fairly depressed all day and have been snapping at my daughter.

dawn
dawn's picture
Offline
Last seen: 11 years 6 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 08/21/2008 - 7:32am
You are an amazing and

You are an amazing and courgeous woman. I am so proud of you seeking a counselor. This is a big step and a heatlhy choice for your well being. :grouphug: Please continue to share Dawn

Take the first step in faith. You donaEU(tm)t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.
~Bob Newhart
The minute you alter your perception of yourself and your future, both you and your future begin to change. ~Marilee Zdenek

mscorpio76
Offline
Last seen: 11 years 5 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/26/2009 - 3:14pm
Hopefully your dream will

Hopefully your dream will become a reality. But the important thing is that you are getting help for yourself! I am much too stubborn to that myself...I think I know best. This truly isn't your, or your daughters, fault just as you said...always remember that. You both have been, and will continue to be, in my thoughts.

agb.sadwife
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 1 week ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/24/2009 - 10:43pm
Just a quick update. . . he

Just a quick update. . . he went to the counselor today for the first time and came home with a book. I wasn't able to see what it was, but I was assuming that it was something recommended by the counselor. As soon as he had eaten, he grabbed a huge glass of wine and went straight to the game. . . . Not that I expected a miracle, but now its just as I predicted. ****, I wanted to wrong this time.

lizwool
lizwool's picture
Offline
Last seen: 5 hours 58 min ago
AdministratorBoard MemberGrandparentOLG-Anon memberWebmaster
Joined: 06/27/2002 - 1:13am
Too bad you could not get

Too bad you could not get him to see your counselor. Maybe you can ask your counselor about that.... Liz

Liz Woolley

agb.sadwife
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 1 week ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/24/2009 - 10:43pm
too many obstacles!!! We

too many obstacles!!! We share a car and its difficult for me to get the specialist who is 1.5 hours away. . .he filled the slot on the day that I had a babysitter. Ugh. I am starting to feel too worn out to put the effort in anyway. . . in the end, it is all about his desire and choice to quit. . . last night was a blatant wake-up call for me.

agb.sadwife
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 1 week ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/24/2009 - 10:43pm
thanks to everyone for

thanks to everyone for listening and support! He finally talked about the counselor- according to what he told me, the counselor said he didn't have an addiction because he can hold down a job. She told him it must be "family issues" and we should read a specifi book together- I am too angry to find out about the **** book. I want to tear out my hair and scream and cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know he wasnt honest about how much time he spends on the game. Now he can throw it back in my face that a Professional says he is addiction- free. And to boot, I have VERY VERY little desire to read a book with him to work on the family. . . if the root problem doesn't go away, the family time is never going to take place anyways. So, in the end, I will be the one who appears to be uncoorperative and he has the counselor and her scotch-free diagnosis to support his denial. I have been duped by an addiction!

sandi64
sandi64's picture
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 12 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/25/2009 - 7:50pm
I feel for you! Yes,

I feel for you! Yes, counseling only works if there is honesty and obviously, as we all know, this addiction brings out ones dishonesty. It is probably the personality trait I find most reprehensible and unattractive. I hope you find the strength to control your own destiny! Sandi

lizwool
lizwool's picture
Offline
Last seen: 5 hours 58 min ago
AdministratorBoard MemberGrandparentOLG-Anon memberWebmaster
Joined: 06/27/2002 - 1:13am
This is EXACTLY what I am

This is EXACTLY what I am talking about. Some professinals say gaming is an addiction others say it is not. We have therapists tell the parents to allow the children to play, because it keeps them occupied. In the State Mental Institution in PA, they encourage their patients to play games to keep them occupied. Addicts will go far and wide to protect their addiction. It's easy to ask the therapist before hand what they think about gaming addiction. If they acknowledge it, the addict will usually find someone else to go too. I am sorry this is happening to you and your husband. I would try to put my foot down to get him to your therapist.....(like if he wants to eat......) Liz

Liz Woolley

jjolli
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 9 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 01/19/2009 - 10:42pm
Not an addict because he can

Not an addict because he can hold down a job? That's great to know! I used to worry that I was addicted to coffee, chocolate and food but I hold down a job so I guess I can stop worrying. The tv program 20-20 featured an award winning elementary school principal who was addicted to heroin. She held down a job. Her addiction did not affect her job performance but it did affect her family. She didn't do drugs on the job. She wasn't high on the job. She got fired after being seen coming out of a methadone clinic during her off hours. The state took away her credential for being an addict. Maybe someone should tell her to see your husband's counselor so she can get her job back since it's a family issue. My husband also thinks since his gaming doesn't interfere with work that he is not an addict. Don't give up on counselling! Go for yourself! Get yourself healthy ! That's what I'm going to do!

biketwit
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 9 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 02/12/2009 - 6:02pm
I have a spouse who is a

I have a spouse who is a gamer, and I know some alcoholics, unfortunately I've found that they can be very similar. The root of the problem is male depression sometimes...that's very real also but tends to be swept under the table, too. Would like to hear more about helping those that have it. Also, don't forget to ask the counselor how to stay sane yourself.

Delirium
Delirium's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 years 9 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 01/07/2009 - 2:50pm
So...holding down a job is

So...holding down a job is the criteria for being an addict? Guess I can go back to gaming since I was able to hold down a job. Glad to hear I"m cured! /sarcasm off Time to find a new counselor, but it seems like your husband found his 'permission slip'. I'm sorry to hear this.

-Slade
"Falling down is not a failure. Not getting back up is the true failure"

J. DOe
Offline
Last seen: 8 years 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 05/28/2007 - 5:23am
This counselor should have

This counselor should have heard of a fairly common term for people who have an addiction problem but seem to be "normal" to most people, including doing things like holding down a job. That term is "functional addict". I agree that it is time to find another counselor, one who has at least a basic understanding of addictions even if not gaming addiction specifically.

- John O.

[em]Carpe Diem![/em] (Seize the Day!)

Xandtar
Offline
Last seen: 6 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 04/09/2003 - 7:42am
Or... He said he went, and

Or... He said he went, and did not go. Addicts DO lie, a bill in the mail will provide confirmation that he actually went to a counselor.

Leveling in Real Life

gsingjane
gsingjane's picture
Offline
Last seen: 9 years 5 months ago
OLG-Anon member
Joined: 06/05/2007 - 2:28pm
Agree with Xandtar. Your

Agree with Xandtar. Your husband could be making the "hold down a job" comment up out of thin air. On the face of it, it's irrational anyhow, as the others have pointed out. Very likely he is either lying to the counselor, or lying to you about what the counselor said, or both. It's certainly true that there are counselors who think compulsive gamers can still play "under control." We have heard of therapists recommending, for instance, that teenagers be permitted to play in a controlled way so they can learn to "set limits" and even, somehow, learn self-discipline through the process. Most of us have BTDT and realize that the essence of addiction is the inability to limit play. It's a bit circular, actually. It's up to you what step to take now. Sounds like the denial continues in full force ... Jane in CT

jamesthree
Offline
Last seen: 10 years 10 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 02/10/2009 - 6:57pm
Not to disagree with some of

Not to disagree with some of the comments made, but to offer fresh perspective - my mother works with alcoholics and one of the things that breaks her heart is when heavy drinkers go to her and say "my wife sent me, because she thinks I have a problem, but I only drink a few beers a day..". Then they stare at her waiting for her to say "you don't have a problem". Of course she doesn't say that, because she is prepared for the fact that addicts lie. Some even sit there reeking of booze and claim they are social drinkers. So I guess my point is, agb.sadwife, his counseler may know he is lying, know he has a problem, but is dealing with it in a gentle way. Then again, as others have said, he may have made the whole thing up...I can only imagine your pain. I'm not sure if you are religious, but I will think of you at tomorrow nights service. James

BigH501
BigH501's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 years 11 months ago
OLGA member
Joined: 12/15/2006 - 10:31am
Basically the way I see it.

Basically the way I see it. It doesn't matter what he says the counselor said. The only thing that matters is that YOU have a problem with his play and his neglect of you emmotionally. If you have a problem then there is a problem. . Now it seems to me HE is not willing to do anything about the problem he is causing at this time, so I guess that puts the ball in your court. You need to decide what you need to do for YOU. . :|

" ... don't question it just go" "... where the body goes the mind will follow"
.
Borrowed from "Desire to Stop"

Xandtar
Offline
Last seen: 6 years 1 month ago
OLGA member
Joined: 04/09/2003 - 7:42am
What he said, including the

What he said, including the face :|

Leveling in Real Life

Log in or register to post comments