My wife started playing SecondLife a couple of months ago. At first I thought it was just a virtual-world game... no harm. But then I noticed that there were some pretty weird things going on there and the fact that she increasingly stayed on the computer longer and longer every passing day concerned me. At one time she was a good mother but now she seldom spends time with the kids. About a month ago she just told me out of the blue she didn't know if she wanted to be married anymore and that she thought she wanted to be single. We've been married 8 years and I thought until recently that we had a very good marriage. I've tried everything I can think of to try to save our marriage to no avail... she says she wants a divorce so she can sleep with other men. Also, I found out that she has been e-mailing and texting this SecondLife male friend of hers that lives in England (we live in Texas). She tells me she loves this guy (even though she has never met him in real life). Tomorrow I'm going to see an attorney to file for a divorce. I just hate to do it because of our two sons but there seems to be little hope of improvement. Has anyone else had any similiar experiences?
There are many spouses here with all too familiar stories. Read about them on the friends and family board.
Read some of the other threads that Satyag referenced on areas here. Second life seems to be a particularly distorting "alter ego that is everything I am not in real life" addiction. IE there is more lying to oneself and others in the game in the pretense of creating these other egos. The stories I've heard are very disturbing. If you have anyway of helping your spouse to see how severely distorted her view has become, and the addictive nature of that false reality, there may be other pathways to your relationship. She may not want to hear it, but maybe showing her some of the posts from others who have found out how much they lost of their real relationships, (does she really want to give up her kids?) might be a little chink into her unreality armour. I guess you have decide where you fit into this at this point. I imagine you have tried counselling, but maybe try to get her away from the computer enough to try again?
Welcome.
"a mind is a terrible thing to waste"
Thanks, guys. I found this site several weeks ago and tried to show her many of the posts about SecondLife addiction and the problems it causes. I offered to go to marriage counseling with her. At one point, I took off with the kids (and the broadband modem) for the weekend and went to stay with my mom. She promptly went out and bought a $500 laptop. I'm not sure why (since she still wasn't able to connect to the internet) but these are the kinds of decisions she is making. I'm not totally blaming the game but I do believe it distorts a person's view of the world. An e-mail correspondence with a man from England is more important to her than her marriage of 8 years. And she tells me she loves this person when she knows nothing about him (other than whatever truth/lies he (or she) has told her). Wow; what a strange world we live in.
You did a good thing in leaving if only for a weekend. Doesn't seem to have given her the message though. The involvement in the game does seem to be destructive to the gamer herself and the people around her. If she refuses counseling, there is lnothing you can do to make her go. You might want to help yourself though and counseling might help you sort out what you want to do. Filing for divorce does seem to give some spouses a wake up call (read joshan's posts). If she is neglecting the kids as well, it's not doing them any good.
Apparently she is irrational, expecting extrordinary things from a created world. Too bad she won't see the damage she's done before it's all complete. I'm so sorry... :-
"This is the end...." The Doors
I know exactly what your going through. My wife plays wow, and met some kid online ( she's 32, he's 24). He told her he was going to commit suicide, so she began to try and help him. They kept speaking and he started talking romantically to her. We were in a slump in our marriage-no small part to wow- so she began to look for that attention. It got to a head when I saw an email he sent telling her how he planned to f*** her, and she had helped him buy a plane ticket. Thank god he didnt come here. I'm not violent man, but I'm big and can have a bad temper. I would've taken a charge and put this kid in the hospital. ( thank god I didnt and it didnt go there, nothing is worth that kind of mess.) What they dont realize is how real things can get. It's all a game and things dont have real repricussions or outcomes. My wife ended up realizing how bad it was when I threatened divorce and began apartment hunting.
Stay strong and dont do anything you might regret. She has a problem and if she can't come to grips with what she's throwing away, you can't make her see. Take care of yourself first.
Good advice to take care of yourself. Glad you didn't hurt the kid dan. Chances are he is very needy too. Hope that you can get your wife to some counseling.
Hi Shane, my adult son is addicted to Wow, so I can't directly relate to your situation, but I simply wanted to jot a few words of sympathy and support. I sincerely hope something snaps inside of your wife to wake up and face the reality that, if absolutely nothing else, she may lose complete custody of her children. In fact, if she really understands that situation, she'll either wake up and be the loving wife and mother she once was or your children will be better off not living in a home where they are neglected because of her gaming. Give your children an extra hug tonight and let them know how much you love and care for them. All the very best to you and your family.