"Two Personal Days off"

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wowwidower
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"Two Personal Days off"

Last night during dinner with my b/f, he struck up a conversation with me about work, and a PTO situation a year in the making, finally being resolved. He told me that he was taking the whole Thanksgiving weekend off, and two additional "personal days" off. Then I jokingly said, "You mean two WoW days off?" I was joking and he then informed me that the two personal days were for the Expansion Pack release date for WoW. He became increasingly agitated. His response to me was, "I deserve two personal days off to do whatever I chose to do?" I responded, yes you do, but it blows my mind that you would take two personal days off just for WoW. He then stated that I have an attitude problem, and to go **** myself. I looked at him and asked, "Did you just tell me to go **** myself? He then questioned me as to whether or not it was "my life's mission," to take all the fun out of WoW for him." I looked at him, and said, "Yes. Its my life's mission." I was simply responding to his absurd way of thinking that MY life is totally dedicated to WoW, and therefore it was my "sole mission" in life to ruin WoW for him. Are you kidding me? He then asked me if I was ever going to be able to accept WoW and his gaming. My response to that question was, No. I won't. I was so offended by his total lack of respect for me, and left the table. I went into our bedroom, and shut and locked the door. Of course he couldn't just leave me alone so he found a way to open the door. He comes in, just stands there arms folded and in a very defensive posture, and said, "Then what are we going to do then?" I didn't respond to this question because I had asked him to leave me alone, and he didn't respect my wishes. He just kept standing there staring at me. He then decided to turn the t.v. off as to "force" me to talk to him. I stood up and left the room, and his response was well, I'll just quit trying then. I said thank you, and he said I'll stop trying in this whole relationship."

Every time we have a disagreement he threatens me with ending the relationship. Our last fight, he told me that he would never threaten my security in our relationship again. Well, you guessed it. He did. Yet again. If I were to leave, I have no job, and the car is in his name. I would be left with nothing. He knows this, and continually does this to me. As I said before I take care of my nephew and am paid 400.00 a month for taking care of him. My three-year-old daughter also stays at home with me. Every time he says these things to me, I sit and start thinking of where I can go, that I need to start looking for a job outside the home, if I'll lose my income from watching my nephew.

If I ask my b/f point blank, "Do you want this to work or not? Because if you don't, let me go so that I can move on with my life. He knows that I want this to work, and its as if his only leverage is putting me out on the street so to speak.

My b/f hadn't been playing WoW for two weeks. and it was so nice. He wasn't playing because there was "drama" going on with his guild. His brother is also a WoW addict, so they had both stopped playing. Then what do you know, we are grocery shopping, and having a great day together, and the dreaded phone call comes from his brother. What are they talking about you might ask? WoW. That night the cycle began all over again. I went downstairs saw that he was playing WoW again, and said, so you're playing again huh? Well tell your brother, thanks....thanks a lot. Then I walked away. His brother and his brother's wife don't even sleep in the same bed! The only relationship that my b/f and his brother have is over the game! His brother never comes over for dinner with his wife, they never go golfing or do any outside the house activities together, and I am starting to hold some resentment toward my boyfriends brother.

My b/f would really chose the game over me. Although he wouldn't admit that, he would just say that he isn't gong to be controlled by me. I don't know what to do. Every time he threatens the relationship, he always says, yes I do want to work on our relationship. No I don't want to break up. I love you. He left this morning to work without even saying a word to me. I don't know what to do.

allbout
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Thank you for sharing your

Thank you for sharing your story. I was similar to your b/f, but instead I was the husband to my wife and totally immersed into WoW. Divorce is where I ended up, painful as that was, but I'm a better person through it. I gave up in my relationship after trying so hard with no results, but when she tried, I was deep into hiding in WoW. It's very tough to be where you are, and being here may be the answer. To make it work, you have to take care of yourself first. Show him this site and put your trust into your Higher Power. WoW isn't going to be the root of the problem, although it certainly doesn't help. Identifying what is the problem takes effort, something he may not have right now. That is why you need to take care of yourself. I'm not suggesting you leave at all, but simply to take care of yourself. When he emerges, you'll be strong enough to be supportive. He has to make the decision for himself. We have a 12 step program to guide you. And plenty of posts for you to read to find encouragement. You have support here. Good luck, Bob

dawn
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you are in my thoughts and

you are in my thoughts and prayers. pls know you are not alone and continue to post. u have to begin taking care of u. step by step u have the right to a healthy life just do what u must day by day and know he needs to see his addiction himself . (((hug))) dawn

Take the first step in faith. You donaEU(tm)t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
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Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.
~Bob Newhart
The minute you alter your perception of yourself and your future, both you and your future begin to change. ~Marilee Zdenek

devenymarie
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I feel your pain, if you

I feel your pain, if you need anyone to talk to PM me. My husband does the same thing to me as well. I dont get why a game has them acting this way. Not to mention that playing the game seems to shorten their fuse

Inspire
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Ahhh - the personal days off

Ahhh - the personal days off for WoW Expansions. I know it all too well. My husband has been known to do this for the last expansion WoW had. LetaEU(tm)s just say that there will be no extra days off for THIS expansion. (Not to split hairs - but any WoW player who was around for the last expansion can tell your husband - the game servers are usually a mess and often go offline for the first week. Also, with so many people trying to play in the new areas, it isnaEU(tm)t even fun :P. ) But I digress.. I am sorry to hear that your b/f is so addicted to this game. From what you have said, he is completely taking you for granted. I would agree with okicajun: take care of yourself. No matter what direction this goes, you will need to have your energy and ability to take care of yourself. Get your own skills/ job and start to save some money. That way, if things do get really bad, you can have an option to get out and take care of your child. You are not married, so really all you need to leave him is the willpower and the cash. He has not demonstrated a serious commitment to this relationship or your child. Right now he is using your economic situation to manipulate you. A true adult relationship is a partnership and it is time that he learn that you are not to be bullied. If you make $400 a month, save as much as you can so that, even if he threatens to leave you, you can have a backup plan. You are investing in your peace of mind when you hold onto that money. If he does turn things around and quit the game, you will be more able to help him if you take care of yourself. Either way, make sure you can take care of your child and not be under his thumb. Good luck.

Until we are tested, how do we know if we will pass?

wowwidower
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Thank you all so much for

Thank you all so much for your support, and understanding. It's so weird to "take care of me first" He is continually telling me that I am so selfish. The house is always clean, dinner is always on the table and his lunches are packed. If I don't do these things when we are fighting he always says, yes we're fighting but I still pay the bills. I finally told him yesterday that I was a part of this support group, and he totally belittled it. He said that he does not play as much as "those people." It really bothered him that I am here. Anyway, thank you again for all of your support, and for taking the time to write to me. I really, really appreciate all of your care and concern, as well as your insights. Thank you!

Inspire
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wowwidower wrote: I
wowwidower wrote:

I finally told him yesterday that I was a part of this support group, and he totally belittled it. He said that he does not play as much as "those people." It really bothered him that I am here.

My husband is the same way. I know he would think a place like this would be stupid and a waste of time - he might even be mad at me for sharing things about our life with strangers. My husband is a wonderful guy, but I think he would rather drop dead than ever surrender his games. Although I have got him to admit that these MMO games can be addictive for aEUoesome peopleaEU, that never seems to include him - even when he has played more then 40 hours per week. Somehow if the gamer acknowledges that they are excessive & out of control, they know they will have to stop playing and seek help. The addiction does not want them to do this, so it messes with their head. Any behavior is justifiable when it comes to getting their aEUoefixaEU. Just know that him belittling your support group is a way of deflecting your feelings about his gaming. Just wondering: how many hours a week does he play if he is not one of "those people"? Remember, more then 20 hours per week is a parttime job! Anyone is one of "those people" if their gaming is interfering with their life and relationships. It could be 1 hour or 100, it doesn't matter. The fact that he financially blackmails you every time you talk to him about his gaming should be a sign that he is putting this game before his own family's stability -a big red flag! You are not a slave to his whims just because he is the one bringing home money and you are the one taking care of the children. No offense, but this guy sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do and does not know what it means to be a REAL man. REAL men don't bully their families.

Until we are tested, how do we know if we will pass?

Maschinca
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wowwidower wrote: It's so
wowwidower wrote:

It's so weird to "take care of me first" He is continually telling me that I am so selfish. The house is always clean, dinner is always on the table and his lunches are packed. If I don't do these things when we are fighting he always says, yes we're fighting but I still pay the bills.

It won't matter to him, he only sees his game as worth wile. He will use any excuse he can think of to push you away, to get you of his back. It is not you, it is him and denying his addiction. Let it bother him as much as possible that you are here, maybe one day his eyes will open.

"Be the change you want to see in the world" -------Mahatma Gandhi.

jsm0807
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What would you do if you

What would you do if you found he was cheating on you with someone else? What would you do if he was physically abusive to you? Would you find a way to leave? I admit that those are much worse case scenerios but they happen to many women in similar situations. If you are not yet financially ready to leave, you need to make a plan to be financially ready to leave because any number of things could happen to your relationship that would force you to take action. You are putting up with not so good relationship because you don't have an alternative. Well, create an alternative. Then assess whether you would be better with him or without him. Because you are not going to change him. He has to decide it is important and it doesn't seem like he thinks he needs to. Perhaps you and the brother's wife should find a place together. Or do you have other family that might help you? If you stay, I wouldn't bring up WoW ever again and walk out of the room when he talks about it or plays it. Sure it is not good for your relationship, but neither is what he is doing. Find an alternative.

Janet

gsingjane
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Completely agree with Janet.

Completely agree with Janet. Your boyfriend has you over a barrel and he knows it. You have no leverage... he holds all the cards here. You'd hope that, because he is a good person or because it is the right thing to do, that he would treat you fairly and appropriately, but he isn't. And he may never. The fact that he threatens to put you out on the street if you don't toe his gaming-addicted line is a huge red warning sign. You must, must, MUST get to work, today, on a way to support yourself and your daughter. Suppose, as Janet suggests, the verbal abuse turns physical? Are you going to take it, and make your daughter sit there and watch it, because you have nowhere else to go? Addicts are in denial, but sometimes people in abusive relationships are in their own denial. He'll get better, he'll realize how much I love him, things will change. Except they won't, and don't. And the hurt goes on, until the abused partner becomes so fearful, timid and un-self-confident that she's paralyzed. Do it for your daughter, if not for yourself, but get to a place where you don't have to rely on him for support. I understand that you have an obligation to your nephew, but $400/month isn't enough to live on. You need to either get a second job, or a different job, or develop some skills so you can support yourself, or find other people to live with who don't abuse you. You have your daughter to think of here, and she's at least as important as your nephew. Take care, Jane in CT

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