Hi, I'm new here. I've been lurking for several days and, faced with yet another evening of heartache while my husband plays WoW, I wanted support for a decision I made last weekend...I'm taking steps to leave my husband. We have a house together, but no children, and I'm young enough to find someone else. I will tell my entire story later...I'm having a hard time being in constant pain (on top of months of dealing with his addiction).
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"I want life in every word...to the extent that it's absurd..."
./hugs avocadosungoddess I am glad you found OLGA.
The question is....will you be able/courageous/adult enough to sacrifice that which merely pleases you...for that which will truly fulfill you? That is the question of personal growth.
~~~Dem518
~~~wow-free since 8/22/09
Welcome! You deserve a full life, not a life spent looking at the back of your husband's head. Congrats on your decision to move on.
"Small service is true service while it lasts. Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one
The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,
Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth
Hello and welcome! You have support here, so many of us are going through similar situations. I can't blame you for wanting to leave considering I am on the verge of doing the same thing, the only difference is my son is involved. It is such a tough decision and even tougher doing it but you deserve to live. Life is to short.
Thanks!! I guess it hit home for me last month when I realized that we didn't have sex for three months straight and he didn't seem to care...this is the same man who is going around telling people we're "trying." And I started thinking about having an affair...when I realized I was seriously entertaining that thought I started crying. He still holds down a job, does a few odd chores around the house...but as far as intimacy or admitting he has a problem...yeah, he's in classic denial
"I want life in every word...to the extent that it's absurd..."
and its not because I let myself go or anything like that...I've lost weight in the 3 years we've been married and get plenty of attention from other men...
"I want life in every word...to the extent that it's absurd..."
It's ok Avocado--I'm one of the addicts--we well know that addict gamers will even forego sex, and that it is not a reflection on their spouse/partner. I'm sorry for your struggle, and hope you find the support here to live the life you deserve.
Cheers, Desire to Stop
ALL quoted text (unless otherwise stated) comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (with wording sometimes changed only to make it more relevant for gaming addiction). I will include page numbers.
Hoping & praying for a measure of recovery for all of us today.
Anyone who can call themselves avocado sun goddess is probably a pretty interesting, vital woman. It is hard to admit we made a mistake in marriage. We go into it thinking love is enough, but find out that it is not. Since you don't have children, I think it is probably best that you leave now and move on. Just be sure to take time to figure out why you let yourself settle for a partial relationship and do what you can to prevent that from happening again.
Janet
AvocadoSunGoddess, As someone who studies the hidden/inferred/obvious meanings of words and phrases I agree with Janet about the choice of name- a fabulous choice revealing a sensuous and vibrant woman. Look, our sexuality is a big part of who we are- it is another aspect of our being as important as food and water. In fulfilling relationships, sexuality and intimacy are intertwined; when they are not, when sex becomes a 'wham bam, thank you maam.' it is a steady erosion of the intimacy and ultimately the relationship suffers. There seems to be a common thread running through many of the S.O. stories here. The fear of and lack of intimacy on the part of the addict, and looking for/ finding relationships in games/on the internet, while they abuse the people that are there in their real lives. ( yes, I believe it is abuse). These game/internet relationships can never really be intimate, not in any real sense, but it is where the addict hides, pretending they have relationships and friends. The thing is, these gaming/ internet friends never hold you accountable, mainly because they are doing the same nefarious actions that you are. This suits the addict well. There is a certain amount of risk taking behaviour involved as well. The gaming/internet addict that shares the details of his/her personal life, his/her personal details with complete strangers, and yes that's what they are, is putting him/herself in danger. There are gaming women and men with spouses and young children, who give out their personal details to complete strangers on the internet- with all that we know about the troubled world we live in, this is the ultimate act of lunacy and betrayal of your very family and loved ones. Avocado, do everything you can to satisfy yourself, that you did everything you could to help him. Also, make him understand, that neglect of any kind, including sexual neglect, is not tolerable to you. It is a blessing that you have not started a family yet, at least there are no children there for him to neglect and abuse. Most alarmingly, if you, the woman he claims to love, is in constant pain, and still he games, it is a indication of where he is and his availability as a husband! Good luck.
Avacado, You choose a very beautiful name. I can't give any advice but I can give support since like you I suffer from an addicted husband. The only difference is we have a 17 month old son who is neglected as well. It is to the point that I to have started preparing things for a separation. I want to live as well and feel that there is someone else out there who will be more of a fatherly figure and someone who will put me as #1 instead of running in second place behind a computer and games. I almost had an affair too. Although, it did not get far, I did go as far as to give another man my number but apologized shortly after and came clean about being married. It surprised me because I never considered another man before, my husband was my one and only one but it became clear after my recent actions that things were going downhill for us and I began to realize where I stood. Mind you, it isn't all about me, my son comes first and foremost and the neglect of attention and affection from his father was enough to tell me all I needed to know even after many many attempts of begging him to spend time with our son with no change. So, just know that you aren't alone, it is a comfort knowing that I am not the only one going through this too. I hope everything works out for you and if you ever want to talk don't hesitate to send me a message. God Bless, Misty