Well, here I am...

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bluehairedfairy
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Joined: 06/24/2008 - 7:35am
Well, here I am...

I am new to all this, so please bear with me...

My problem isn't with addiction...yet. Or maybe it is, and I am still in denial...

I am 27 years old, and have been married to my husband for a little over a year.

About two and half years ago I picked up WoW as a fun game and way to keep in touch with friends that lived far away. My husband (boyfriend at the time) decided he would get an account as well, and so we played together. Our computers were right next to each other, so it was a fun hobby for us to do together that didn't cost too much money. It was a purely social thing, both of us hold down our jobs, paid our bills, saw our friends outside the game. We both actually stopped playing for a while last year so we could plan our wedding. A month or so after the wedding, we reactivated our accounts and were back at it.

Fast forward to about eight months ago, and my husband is laid off from his job in IT. This begins the vicious cycle of searching for a job, not getting the job, self esteem falls. As time goes on, he retreats deeper into the game. In WoW, he is someone important, who has an important job to do. My husband is a raid leader for a guild we are both in. He organizes and leads 24 different people to accomplishing goals. He researches strategies, and implements them. I know it seems silly, but I am actually very proud of these accomplishments. These are skills that can be easily translated to real life! He is a leader, with excellent people skills...Just he doesn't realize it outside the game.

My husband is not violent. He still spends time with me off the computer. But he seems to be trying less and less to find a job...And that bothers me. Again, the whole vicious cycle thing. The longer its taking, the less he wants to try. I don't want him to slip into addiction...

Is my husband depressed? Is he an addict? Is he both? My husband was diagnosed several years ago with Adult ADD and Cerebral Palsy. He does not take any medications. Could this be affecting him?

I know these are really questions for a mental health professional. I am just trying to research everything to learn what might be going on.

Thank you for any help or advice you can provide!

"Today is the greatest day of them all."

John of the Roses
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I would agree that you

I would agree that you answered your own questions. You may receive advice here, but when your shower backs up call a plumber, not a friend. Please continue to visit our site and be a part of it too by posting more about your struggle.

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." --W. Clement Stone

gsingjane
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Joined: 06/05/2007 - 2:28pm
Welcome to OLGA. BHF. John,

Welcome to OLGA. BHF. John, above, is correct that your husband probably needs more help than we can give, but you are also correct in your perception that your husband's gaming is becoming problematic. Does the fact that he is a compulsive gamer mean he doesn't have other issues? No, it just means that he's layered gaming on top of his other problems. Is extensive game-playing helping him deal with his other problems, like unemployment and his mental issues? Well, it sure doesn't sound like it. I do understand that, especially in a tough job market, self-esteem is tough to come by. Nobody likes to be rejected, over and over, and if gaming is a way for him to feel better about himself (however illusory), it is certainly understandable that he's more and more drawn to it. But, it isn't a long-term solution. He can't go live in the game, he can't make a living from it, and, most importantly, it's holding him back from dealing with the other things he needs to handle, now. It's a time sink, a way to avoid working on stuff and doesn't result in any actual progress towards anything. It may be that your husband will have to change career fields, or get more training or a certification in the IT field. He may have some decisions to make (you both might) about where or how you will live. Frittering away planning and research time on a game - even if it makes him feel better in the short run - takes away from this important process. But, understand if you want him to quit WoW, you better be prepared to quit it yourself. Get ready for some long discussions, lots of crankiness, and maybe even some soul-searching. Finally, if you can stand one more piece of unsolicited advice, if you don't have kids already, please don't start until this situation is resolved, and for a long time, too. Kids will not make things better. If you need inspiration, there are many posts here to read from the spouses of addicted gamers, who have children, and are truly caught in a no-win situation. Good luck to you, and keep coming back! Jane in CT

bluehairedfairy
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Last seen: 11 years 5 months ago
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Joined: 06/24/2008 - 7:35am
Thank you for the kind words

Thank you for the kind words and advice :) Just a quick update... I had a long talk with my husband regarding his medical history (and the effect it could be having on us currently) and what medications he used to be on... He had been taking a medication for many years that was an anti-depressant that had a side benefit of helping him concentrate, study, ect ect... He went off it as a teenager for fear of being labeled a "Riddlin Kid" and never went back to see his neurologist/psychiatrist. Now that he's an adult he sees what a huge mistake he made back then. He has agreed to be re-evaluated for his medications and fully plans to follow his doctor's advice! I am so proud and pleased with him. We are now searching for a new doctor in the Atlanta area, and hopefully things are going to start looking up for us.

"Today is the greatest day of them all."

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