WOW has ruined my life

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trinity1994
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WOW has ruined my life

Hello. I found this forum this weekend and have read many posts. I was relived and saddened all at the same time as so many other people are suffering like I am. I have been married to my husband for 3 years. I am his second wife and he has two children that live with us.

He has always played video games but when WOW came out things changed, It was only a few times a week then everyday, now it is 20 hours a day. I tried playing with him for a little while but because he played so much he got so far ahead that he would no longer play with me. He has given up other hobbies for this game. If we do go on vacation he takes the laptop with us so he can play.

His kids suffer. He spens no time with them. They resent him. I have been forced to enroll my step son in Big Brothers Big Sisters so that he can have a good male role model. My husband was all for this. I cook, clean, pay bills and take care of his kids while he sits all night. He does work but plays during work sometimes. We all wear ear plugs so that we can sleep and not hear him talk all night.

My husband and I are no longer intimate. I want to have a baby but he says he is not ready even though last year we took out a loan in order for him to have a vasectomy reversal so i could get pregnant. What a waste of money. We barely talk and I resent him mostly. But I ask myself if it is a good idea to have a baby with a man like this or do I move on.

I am positive that his addiction drove his first wife to have an affair and leave. I do not condone that for one minute but the lonliness I feel when I am a few feet away and he is a millon miles away is killing me. I give him ulitmatums but he gets very angry. He says that he doesn't have a problem, it makes him happy and he is not sleeping around or going to the bar. He refuses to make any time for me and the kids. I want to leave but I love him and i cannot put his kids through another divorce when they are just beginning to deal with his first one.

I do not feel sexy, attractive or wanted any longer. His rejection of sex has killed my passion. I am trying to build a life of my own within our marriage to save myself. I do not know if believe strongly enough in my vows to live like this forever.

Is there a light?

the_real_me
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Dear Trinity, I am so sad

Dear Trinity, I am so sad when I read posts like this. Sadly, the reality is...things will not get better until HE realizes that he has a problem and is willing to do something about it himself. (I too struggle with wow so this I know) By doing everything for him, you are making it easy for him to play wow. In fact, you are enabling him. It appears as if you are in a legal marriage contract, but you do all the work and he contributes...nothing. You will have to ask yourself...is this really what you want for your life? Good luck trinity. Either way won't be easy.

The question is....will you be able/courageous/adult enough to sacrifice that which merely pleases you...for that which will truly fulfill you? That is the question of personal growth.
~~~Dem518
~~~wow-free since 8/22/09

Delirium
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Trinity, It's amazing how

Trinity, It's amazing how many times I've heard (and used) the excuse "At least I'm not sleeping around or going to a bar." it is a common justification used by us addicts. Like this game is the only thing keeping me from doing that stuff. The fact that he agreed to have his kids enrolled in big brothers is just a shame. That program is a great program but should not be for kids that have a father there to provide a role model. Playing at work? That's a sure fire way to get fired unless you are the boss. And then is a sure fire way to run your business into the ground. AT my worse I was playing at work occasionally, and trust me it wasn't for lack of work to be done. When I pulled my head out of my ass I realized what I was gambling by doing so. Was I willing to lose my home, not being able to provide for my son for a video game? Would my WoW friends send me monthly support checks? This may sound harsh, but I would be thankful that you haven't had kids yet with this man. I know you worry about his previous kids and that is very soul warming. However I believe in his eyes you are basically a live in nanny. You take care of his kids and all the house work. That is not a relationship. It is not healthy. It is not destined to last long if he is not willing to change. Basically you and his family is just something that is in the way of his addiction. I would maybe point him to this site. Some spouses have gotten the attention by no longer assisting his addiction (paying bills, making dinner for them, etc). They have had mixed results but they may at least get the attention.

-Slade
"Falling down is not a failure. Not getting back up is the true failure"

gsingjane
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Hi there, at this site we

Hi there, at this site we try not to "tell people what to do." We shouldn't give advice (although we do) and we shouldn't give our opinions (although we do that, sometimes, too). But boy oh boy I can't bite my tongue on this one.... do not, do not, DO NOT have a baby with this man. You think he's neglecting you now? You think this is a terrible way for kids to grow up? You feel desperate and trapped in your situation? Wait until you have a baby with him... you'll think these were the Good Old Days. Gosh I hear you when you say, you'd like a little one to call your own. Having a baby is an incredibly special experience and I should know, I've had four. But, knowing what you know, living how you're living, looking at the future (or lack thereof) you have with this man, I submit that you'd be acting beyond selfish to go ahead and get pregnant now. It's true that sometimes having a baby can lead to a bit of a honeymoon of sorts, and it can even - almost miraculously, as in Slade's situation - turn things around. But it seems to me there's a much greater chance that either nothing will change, or that things will get even worse, as your husbands resents and rejects the new source of pressure and stress. Please, please read over some of the MANY posts on this site from desperately unhappy women who have kids with "their" addicts. Read and learn about how being dependent makes everything even worse. The spouse goes through life, angry, lonely, rejected... and so does the child or children. Don't sign up for this for you or for anybody. Just don't. Jane in CT

agb.sadwife
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I totally agree with

I totally agree with everything Jane has said. Please read my posts. . . I have a 4 year old daughter and he started playing when I was pregnant. Here we are, 4 years later, with the same problem, only worse because my daughter has to suffere along with me. It's a sad, sad situation.

Gamersmom
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OMG, I agree with Jane and

OMG, I agree with Jane and agb. Do NOT have a baby with this man. This is such a sad situation, but a baby would just make it sadder. It's just a guess, but I'm pretty sure that a man who would be glad his own son is involved in the Big Brother program is NOT going to snap out of this for the sake of a baby. I do understand your desire to have a baby, but this is not the man to make one with. Hugs to you.

"Small service is true service while it lasts.  Of humblest friends, bright creature! scorn not one

The daisy, by the shadow that it casts,

Protects the lingering dewdrop from the sun." -------William Wordsworth

Delirium
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Gamersmom wrote: It's just
Gamersmom wrote:

It's just a guess, but I'm pretty sure that a man who would be glad his own son is involved in the Big Brother program is NOT going to snap out of this for the sake of a baby.

Yeah, if my son has to go there for a male role model...I've failed as a father (so long as I'm alive). He will treat children you have the same as he treats his kids now.

-Slade
"Falling down is not a failure. Not getting back up is the true failure"

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