WOW recovery

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galaxie514
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WOW recovery

My husband and I were separated for six months after his two year addiction to WOW led to the ruin of our relationship and our finances. He realized a few months ago that he had to give up the game and says he does not miss it. I decided to give our relationship another shot as I we were truly very happy before WOW and because he seemed quite aware of what the addiction entailed and how to overcome it. However, his attitude about life in general is still negative; there's no spring in his step, he gets frustrated easily, he has gained a good amount of weight, and he has trouble meeting his work deadlines because of low motivation. All of this has reduced my attraction to him, which is not even possible to discuss without him shutting down. What happens after an addict quits? Life doesn't miraculously go back to normal, does it? He says he's fine. As far as he's concerned, he quit, so he did what he was supposed to do. He is resistive to suggestions like support groups or therapy. To him he is not the problem, there is no problem, and nothing to talk about. It is difficult to restore a relationship after so much was broken. I would appreciate any and all insights.

Silvertabby
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Hi galaxie and welcome to

Hi galaxie and welcome to Olga-non. It definately takes time to heal from gaming addiction. I quit my game 9 months ago and still I don't feel like my life is back to "normal". I still have the desire to go back to gaming and sometimes have no motivation to do anything. I do feel like I'm getting there, however, and there's been a definate improvement.

When we are gaming, the game is everything to us and our brain becomes used to the fun and excitement of the game. After quitting, it takes time for our brain to rewire itself and become interested in real life again. You definately need to give him time to readjust to life without gaming, how long I don't really know as everybody is different in getting back into real life. It's too bad that he refuses to seek any help. Would he be willing to see a marriage counselor with you? That could be helpful. I wish you all the best in finding your answers.

 

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. ~Maria Robinson

Trifamax
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Hello, sorry to hear your

Hello, sorry to hear your pain. Im in the same position with my wife. SHe gave the game os Second Life up and I have been out of my home for 10 weeks now, no progress made. Shes moody, put o weight, not motivated to fix our marriage, tells me today shes 90% out the door, and the 10% thats keeping her here is fear of the unknown and very little love for me. I dont buy this, but if it is how she feels, you cant force them. She agreed to continue marriage counseling and to find her own therapist and i agreed to continue to pay her rent and bills. our children are suffering badly. Until they admit they have a problem, there is really nothing you can do.

Andrew_Doan
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I game because there were

I game because there were critical things missing in my life: ego, sense of purpose, and other basic emotional needs in my soul. After I stopped gaming, my hurts, habits, and hangups are still there. The gaming is only one part of the equation. I had to discover why I needed escape to finally "get back the Spring in my step." Truthfully, only one thing gave me that "spring", and that was my relationship with God.

I almost lost my wife but I gained back the "spring in my step" and my wife and I recently achieved 15 years of marriage instead of 10 years of divorce. We love each other more now than when we first met, we serve our community together, and we are creating new business ventures together.

I agree with Silvertabby, face-to-face assistance with my marriage helped greatly.

Andrew Doan MD PhD

My Videos: Internet gaming disorder is real & my story 

*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy or Department of Defense.

galaxie514
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I am so sorry, this must be

I am so sorry, this must be very difficult. Hopefully marriage counseling and individual counseling will help her think clearly and process whatever was hiding behind her addiction. My husband is very happy that I am back; he hated it the whole time I was gone, but now that he has stopped playing and that I am back home, he seems to think that everything is fine. But everything is not fine. To get out of the financial mess that is a direct consequence of his WOW addiction, he would need to be at the top of his game, to have energy, drive, and motivation. He doesn't. He is dragging his feet and gets defensive, as I said before. We might lose our house and have to file for bankruptcy if he doesn't get going here soon. He carries a lot of guilt with him and guilt is not productive. I also feel like his energy and mine are not compatible at the moment, if that makes sense. We need professional help, but we can't afford it.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope your wife will be able to recommit fully to your relationship. Thank you for replying.

galaxie514
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The reply above was meant

The reply above was meant for Trifamax, although I want to extend my sincere thanks to everyone who has taken time to share. It helps to know that other people are experiencing similar situations, and it helps to hear directly from people who are recovering. What a mess, huh? I wish everyone well.

Andrew_Doan
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galaxie514 wrote: What a
galaxie514 wrote:

What a mess, huh? I wish everyone well.

Yea, the destructive force of video game addiction is incredible.

Andrew Doan MD PhD

My Videos: Internet gaming disorder is real & my story 

*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy or Department of Defense.

Trifamax
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Here is a thought, try to

Here is a thought, try to take a weekend away camping somewhere there is no electronics, surprise him. Its not that expensive of an investment that could yield a high reward. No man can resist a romantic getaway to the woods with his wife.

badgames
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Every relationship is

Every relationship is diffrent, they each have there underlying starting points, culture, family dynamics, so its hard to use a cookie cutter aproch to solveing the tricky problems of additction and marriage.

I can only tell you galaxie that after many fits, starts and stops of trying to quit online gaming (WoW was my game) and my wife's anger and frustration with me, I had to admit a few things to myself before I could move forward, here they are...

#1 I started fights with my wife so I would have the excuse to be mad and just go play.

#2 I didnt want to hear what she had to say, because frankly I knew I was totaly in the wrong and was quite ashamed of myself, and my behavior.

#3 It takes time to heal wounds, any wounds, and wounds with hearts attached are the hardest of them all!

I wish you the very best, for you and your husband....GET WELL, LIVE HAPPY!

dreamdancer
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My husband of 19 years is

My husband of 19 years is filing for divorce because he can't deal with his family making him feel guilty for playing WOW all the time. He wants to be on his own and just play. He has been an addict throughout our entire marriage. I have been Mom and Dad for my children and run the entire household, kind of enabling his addictive behaviour. I'm completely drained and hurting. I wish he would reconsider and get help.I'm seing a therapist to hopefully put me back togehter again. How do I find the strength to go on with everything, now by myself? He refuses to get help, since he has no problem - he thinks I have the problem! Is there a chance he will wake up when he is on his own?

I would appreciate any kind words or suggestions.

dreamdancer
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dreamdancer wrote: My

[quote=dreamdancer]

My husband of 19 years is filing for divorce because he can't deal with his family making him feel guilty for playing WOW all the time. He wants to be on his own and just play. He has been an addict throughout our entire marriage. I have been Mom and Dad for my children and run the entire household, kind of enabling his addictive behaviour. I'm completely drained and hurting. I wish he would reconsider and get help.I'm seing a therapist to hopefully put me back togehter again. How do I find the strength to go on with everything, now by myself? He refuses to get help, since he has no problem - he thinks I have the problem! Is there a chance he will wake up when he is on his own?

I would appreciate any kind words or suggestions.

Patria
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Dreamdancer: Counseling for

Dreamdancer:

Counseling for you is a great idea. It will help you realize that you are not at fault. As several here have said, you didn't CAUSE it, you can't CURE it, and I'm having a senior moment and can't remember the other C.

Anyway, stick around here, get in touch with the other family/friends of excessive gamers.

We all know what it's like to either 1. be an excessive gamer, and/or 2. live with or friends with an excessive gamer.

Not only are they sick from the condition, but they make the people around them sick.

He will stop when it no longer works for him, but that's his problem not yours. Your deal is take care of yourself and your family, and to do the things for yourself you need. Take care of yourself.

Good luck and keep posting, we're here for you.

dreamdancer
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I have been reading lots of

I have been reading lots of posts from all kinds of people. It has been a relief to see that I'm not alone and that there are people out there having to make very hard choices. I suggested this website to him, maybe he will look at it in the future. His problem has been mine for so long that I have a hard time not thinking it's me, eihter being controlling and bossy or making him so miserable that he has to hide in this game. I know it's all not true, but living it is another story.

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond and making me feel better.

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