Xbox is killing my marriage.

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Lubeylou
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Joined: 06/14/2011 - 3:56am
Xbox is killing my marriage.

I,m so glad i have found this site. Sanity at last!

I was so relieved to find its, not me being unreasonable, my Husband has an addiction to C.O.D . Our marriage is on a fast track road to destruction and its like he,s oblivious to it. I,ve read many posts and its like de ja vous. He has been playing for about 4 years and i am at the end of my rope. Every day is the same, home from work, eats a meal, then xbox goes on, most of the time for 6-7 hrs a night. Its like hes in another world, no communication, no intimacy, no social life, no support with our children. When i try to talk to him about it, he gets angry and becomes verbaly abusive. If i want to watch TV i have to go to our bedroom as he takes control of the family TV. Ive gone through blaming myself, is it me , doesn,t he want to be with me anymore, am i boring? does he no longer find me attractive? Does he no longer love me. We have been together for 26 years and he is 49 yrs old. I started to realise no its not me, Its an addiction when we recentley moved house, and for three weeks had no internet. He was like a different person, attentive, considerate, helpful etc! Then the internet is set up and back to square one. Now i am at the stage after a weekend of sheer hell, seperate sleeping arrangements very hurtful words of giving up!

I feel like i,m just a glorified house keeper . Can somebody please explain to me what the attraction is of sitting in front of a tv and shooting zombies? night after night. A statement he made to me was " Its better than sex" ! He doesn,t even socialise on there just sits staring at a tv screen shooting zombies! I don,t know about it being called Call of Duty, it should be named Cause of Divorce, I just don,t know now how i can possibly get through to him to save our marriage, as he wont admit he has a problem. HELP!

Andrew_Doan
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Joined: 06/13/2011 - 9:37am
Dear Lubeylou, I was your

Dear Lubeylou,

I was your husband 10 years ago. My wife and children left me, which woke me the heck up!!!

Life is difficult and gamers use games to escape.

I am an eye surgeon. During medical school and residency, it was stressful and required a ton of time. It took me 17 years after high school to be an eye surgeon. For guys, we care most about Ego, Leadership, and Sex. When life is difficult and not going our way, men can turn to video games where they are "kings", "5 star generals", and "invincible snipers". These fantasy worlds are an incredible draw. When I played games where I commanded armies, I am KING and I RULED! Sadly, this delusion is fueled by the game, and the accolades exist only in the game. Guys also seek "camaraderie" with other guys... so online games are an irrestible, ego-fest for guys... sometimes leading to the point where sex is not even important.

Your husband needs a wake up call. My wake up call was my wife leaving me. She then sent me this book: http://www.amazon.com/Winning-Your-Wife-Back-Before/dp/0785260285/

Six months after my wife left me, and after therapy sessions, me reading the book, and finding support in our church, we are now happier than ever, I finally stopped playing since summer 2008 (after 3 decades of playing!!!), we recently celebrated our 15th year anniversary, and we mentor other couples at our church.

I am sad for you and your family. I don't know what I can tell you to wake your husband up. He is destroying his family, life, and valuable time. You need to find a way to wake him up and seek help.

Andrew Doan MD PhD

My Videos: Internet gaming disorder is real & my story 

*The views expressed are of the author's and do not necessarily reflect the official policy of the U.S. Navy or Department of Defense.

ElizabethA
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Joined: 04/02/2011 - 5:40pm
I'm so glad Mud posted that

I'm so glad Mud posted that for you Lubey...it looks like there is hope for sure. But also looks like you need to take some action too. I think you might be ready. Good luck, hon, and keep coming around OLGA for support. You will definately find friends here.

Take care and gentle strength,

ElizA

.Left the games behind Tuesday, March 28, 2011...I have a new left knee and a lot more appreciation for the word "recovery"....blessings come in the darndest forms!

.

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