An addiction that won't go away.

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vanzilla
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An addiction that won't go away.

Hi !

First of all, I would like to say that I'm super happy to have found a forum like this. I've been looking for help for a while now. I'll try to make it as short as possible, though I have so much to say.

Here it goes...

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. At the beginning of our relationship, I didn't know he was playing videos games. I took notice of his interests for games after 4 months of dating. I didn't make that big of a deal since we were only dating and it didn't seem like he was spending that much time. Nothing too problematic. I even started playing video games !

I couldn't say when I started suspecting that he was way too much involved into video games. I realized that he was trading boyfriend/girlfriend time, friend time and even family time for gaming time. He preferred staying home on his laptop instead of going out and became irritated when I was too insistent on spending time with him. Everytime I was meeting my friends without him, I had to come up with somekind of excuse because I felt bad saying he bailed because of video games. 

Eventually, we started getting into fights and it became clear to me that it was an issue. Not only because we weren't spending much time together but also I have realized that he wasn't accomplishing anything else in life. He managed to get his high school diploma at 22 (in Montreal we get it normally at 17). He had a hard time keeping a job for more than a year. He was often calling sick to play games. Also, everytime he would start a new program at school, he would not complete it. He started lying to me about his whereabouts (being actually home instead of work or whatever). I would often find out by finding him on Battle.Net or League, etc.

I felt frustrated because I was the one that kept on pushing him to do things. I was the one who would apply for him for jobs, for school, for everything. All the jobs he had was because I have sent the applications. I tried pushing him for his driver's licence... 3 years later and still working on it (he's now 26). He doesn't do anything on his own. I take care of his bills with his money, I clean up his apartment, I lift him to work, I do his groceries, etc. etc.

His parents eventually got fed up with all of this since he would only stay home and play. They even cut the internet. He moved out about a year ago because they gave him no choice.

Since then, it's been a real downfall. As soon as he moved in, he got his internet connection. Then, he started neglecting work and even stopped going to work. Obviously he got fired. For a while, he wasn't able to pay his bill so I had to lend him some money. He found another job and 6 months later (which is today), he has lost it again because he didn't show up for a whole week without letting his boss know. Last week, he played Diablo 3 for about 12 to 18 hours straight per day. He would go to bed at 7, even 9 in the morning. 

I'm starting to get concerned because he owes me a lot of money (by a lot, I mean about $2000). I can't afford to help him out for his next rent or his next bills. He doesn't seem to realize the consequences of losing his job because of playing too much video games. He neglects his personal hygiene as well as the state of his apartment. He has chronic back pain and is restless. He is irritated when I address the subject and I get tons of insults. Plus, he tends to smoke a lot of weed, which seems to be a second addiction.

I'm very scared and not sure what to do since we are planning to move in together this summer. Our plan is for him to go back to school so he can find a decent job and create a routine of our own. Right now, it just looks like he will end up in the streets if he doesn't realize his addiction.

I know it's partly my fault since I lent him some money to buy him a nice computer. I honestly thought it was a good thing because his mom passed away and he needed something to get his mind off her. Now it completely backfires and I feel like he's using her as an excuse to play a lot. Or he's depressed. Oh, I don't know anymore...

Thank you for reading and for you help in advance,

V.

v.

Sad_Dad
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Last seen: 10 months 3 days ago
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Joined: 12/31/2014 - 2:46pm
After reading your post I am

After reading your post I am guessing that you are pretty darn smart.  Meanwhile your boyfriend graduated from high school five years late, neglects his personal hygiene, can't hold a job, smokes weed, doesn't have a driver's license, weasels out of his debts, insults you, and, to top it off, plays video games day and night.  You seem to be selling yourself way short.  I would guess everyone who reads this will probably come to the same conclusion.  You are not married, and since you don't say anything about children I am assuming you don't have any.  That being the case, I would run in the other direction.  You will probably never see that $2,000 again anyway.  You think this is partly your fault because you were nice enough to lend him money?  No way.  You can do better!  Good luck.

planner
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Last seen: 2 years 3 days ago
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Joined: 09/02/2014 - 6:27am
Welcome Vanzilla, you are a

Welcome Vanzilla, you are a great girl, I appreciate that you have applied for his jobs. I would suggest you try to relax and switch your focus on yourself and do not feel responsible to get him off his computer. It is important to not enable him to game whatever the reason is. cleaning his house and doing the groceries wont help him and will even make things worser. And who said ending up in the street is bad! It is much better than the place he is now in so do not pay his bills at all. you will hear this as more as your read other posts. I know living with us (addicts) is very dreadful, so give yourself more time (more than a year) to see if things get better before thinkng about moving in together. By better i mean completely quiting video games!!

take care

"Recovery is not about dealing with gaming. Recovery is about dealing with Life"

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