Addiction? Yes or No?

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Lottierc
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Addiction? Yes or No?

Hello, I'm trying to decide if my husband is addicted or if he just doesn't want anything to do with me and our girls. I used to try to get him to spend time with us, we have been to marriage counselling, nothing works. I finally just let go and let him do what he wants. I realized I can't control him. Here's his typical day. Wake up early, before the alarm clock, and start checking the sports or games sites on computer. As soon as he feels it's a 'reasonable' time, he starts playing the sports games. He usually wakes me up with the noise and light from the TV unless I wear ear plugs to bed. I get up and leave the room because I can't sleep with them on. After a few hours, I go back to use my bathroom and have to duck around him and his mess to get to the bathroom because he's standing as close as he possibly can to the TV. If he's not playing the sports games, he is watching ESPN, or some other sports related show.

The electronics stay on until I finally go to bed around 10 or 1030. I asked him to go to visit my family, he repsponded that he couldn't because he would miss a game or because he can't be close to people for that long without his "outlet". It's his way to calm down and stay calm, but he never leaves his bedroom unless it's to get something or unless it's too early for him to wake me with the TV. I started bringing him food because he refused to eat unless it was junk food he could keep in his room. Our daughters have asked why daddy loves the games and TV more than he loves his family, but I have no answer for them. When he does interact with us he is irritated, angry, usually yelling, and sometimes cussing at us, kids included. I've asked him why he doesn't at least come out and watch a movie with us, but he says it's because he's sparing us his anger. He can't watch TV with us because we can't keep completely quiet while he enjoys the show. 

Once in a great while, he will go to the theater with us, enjoy a movie, and then go right back to his room and stay there for a few more months. He did have a job and went to college to get new degrees, but he spent all of his time otherwise in his room. No real contact with me or our girls. We will be moving soon, closer to my family, but I'm worried that it's just going to give my and our girls another reason not to bother with him anymore. I'm worried that it may be too late, but he refuses to accept that there is any problem at all. Is this an addiction, or is he just enjoying his single life while not having to be alone? Is it too late for our family?

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome to Olganon !

Welcome to Olganon !

It sounds like it could be addiction...it has similarities to many of the the stories reported here. Addiction tends to make them very self centred and lacking empathy. It is not uncommon for them to deny they have a problem and we are the ones with the problem. You cannot reasona with an addict. you cannot make them seek help until they are ready. they have to feel some consequences before they will change. So you can assist that by stopping enabling him.

There may be a reason he games ... its like a form of escape. It could be that he has issues with family life or something deeper about himself. So if he were to suddenly decide to stop gaming and go cold turkey, the "problem " which he medicates with gaming might be there to deal with and that could still cause you problems.

 

I think you would need to take into account what happened prior to this behaviour to be more certain about it

There is a lot of information on the forum about addiction  which may help you understand the " hole" he could be in. You may find it of interest, but it will not help you. There is also a lot on here about detaching with love, stopping enabling and considering your boundaries which will help you and could also help the situation. Whether he is "addicted" or not, that information will be relevant. See the sticky posts on both spouses forums.

Keep coming back to read other spouses stories; it may help.

 

 

INFO

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