Advice

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Foxy77
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Advice

Hi

This is my 1st post.

I live with my children's Dad (I can't call him my partner anymore as we are now completely physically and emotionally detached due to gaming).He 'games' from 7pm, as soon as the kids are in bed, until 2 or 3am every single night. He frequently, has days off of work to stay home in a quiet house and game- this can be in secret or just point blank refusal to go. He is self employed and doesn't get paid for days off. I am in debt and I work part time and pay for absolutely everything.

I've been reading your advice pages and the recommendation that you 'try to ignore' the gamers addiction and totally focus on myself. I understand the concept of this working and I'm willing to try (although it will be extremely hard as I am constantly angry). My problem is that we live in a small flat and it is hard to ignore someone shouting and screaming at a computer with headphone on, while you are trying to relax after a hard day at work!

I am thinking of cancelling our Internet. I pay the broadband and I have access to the account. He has no means setting it back up as he has no debit card/ bank account. Is this a good idea? Will he resent me? He can get extremely aggressive if I or one of the kids turns his computer off mid game. Is it dangerous to cancel like this?

I don't know what to do, this is running mine and my kids lives. What do I tell my 3 year old boy when he wants to go and play football but Daddy is constantly in bed all morning because he plays computer games all night- what message does that send him? He already has a tablet computer and wants to play games constantly like Daddy himself. 

Maybe we would be better off leaving. My children's Dad has no means of providing for himself or getting himself up for work. Why should I be responsible for a grown man. Am I letting him down if I leave? 

Thanks for listening,

From an angry, sad, lonely and frustrated lady :( 

Zee

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Zee

Welcome Zee

If your man is addicted, you cannot have a functioning relationship with an addict. It is already out of wack. You cannot make it much worse in the sense that it is already broken.

If you stop paying for internet he is likely to get upset. If you are going to do it then at least talk about it first so it's not a complete shock and he has a chance to make things good (yeah right), and use it as an opportunity to talk about what is going on and how his actions are affecting the family.

Nothing will change unless you change so you need to do something different.

You can also have boundaries about his playing. For example you could insist that you have the lounge as your bedroom and living space, and he has the bedroom, and no gaming anywhere else.

Give it some thought about what your boundaries are to stay in the realtionship. There is stuff about that on this website and on the internet. You would not be wrong to leave if there is no sign of change or he is disrespectful to your wishes.

If he is likely to get agressive have an exit strategy ready ( eg go stay with a relative in the short term) I wouldn't want to  put up with that kind of behaviour. You leaving would actually make him more likely to hit rock bottom and see the need to change himself...a favour in disguise

Hugs to you!

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