Am I in the wrong?

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LeahMart
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Joined: 02/21/2021 - 3:26pm
Am I in the wrong?

Previously my husband admitted he had an addiction to gaming and joined the UK version of Olganon. He wouldn't work, I'd barely see him, he wouldn't socialise and all he would do is game. He stayed clear of gaming for about 1.5 years and all was well.

We've gone through 4 miscarriages and now he's started gaming again. He bought a PlayStation without my knowing and said he needed a holiday for a week. As I started miscarrying, he had to pick me up and so he admitted he had started gaming again. He said he only had 8 - 9 games he wanted to play and then he'd get rid of the PlayStation.

He is a very kind and loving man. He will take part in chores, cook etc. We have dinner every night together but he will spend all the hours on his game if I let him. He will have a week off between games but when he is not gaming, he's on Reddit. He is obsessed with screens. He's on them for work, TV, Reddit, football/formula 1 and gaming. He says it's lockdown and there's nothing else to do.

He said he's not an addict anymore and can control the gaming. He doesn't speak to anyone online and in every other way he's the perfect husband. Yet, I'm sleeping in another room because I'm so heartbroken after our conversation today where he said he is happy with his life - he offered me Friday nights and Saturday days as our time and then he'll game on all the other nights. I feel that after his business and gaming I come very far down the list.

We are in marriage counselling but the therapist doesn't understand the destructive nature of gaming and told me it's my negativity about games that's the problem.

I don't think I can go through all of this again. He thinks it's because I'm insecure we're fighting and my inability to communicate that is the issue. He cannot see his gaming as an illness.

Am I overreacting?

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Hi Leahmart

Hi Leahmart

Sorry to hear you are not getting the support from the therapist. This could be because they do not understand about gaming addiction. It is difficult for me to make a judgement because I know so little about your situation. I wonder how you got to use  or chose this particular therapist. Would you be able to see them separately and describe your feelings around this in more detail ? It sounds like the therapist is siding with your husband. If this therapy is not helping you then consider stopping it and finding another therapist. We recommend that when members seek therapy they check with the therapist about their attitude to gaming as an addiction.

If he is addicted, there is normally a movement towards more gaming over time. Can you detect that his personality has chanaged since he went back on games ?

He does not have to be addicted for his behaviour to be a problem in the marriage. What should a healthy relationship look like ? What I am getting from you is that you feel devastated to have to live in this way with your husband showing so little attention to anything outside gaming. I wonder what your ideal life with him would look like? These are questions you may wish to consider privately.

Perhaps support for you through your own separate therapy could be helpful to explore what you want and what you need, and what you think is reasonable.

Check out the support thread linked in the first aid kit for details of other meetings that may support you

So sorry to also hear about you having the distress of miscarriage to cope with. Take care.

INFO

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Online meetings gaming addicts click here

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Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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