Boyfriend plays video games everyday and neglects our relationship

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Angie01
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Joined: 02/20/2016 - 8:07pm
Boyfriend plays video games everyday and neglects our relationship

Hi everyone, 

I am also experiencing difficulties with my SO due to his excessive gaming. Both my boyfriend and I are 19 and we began dating just about a year ago. He was a perfect and caring boyfriend back then. He always provided me with love, warmth, care and attention. If I were upset, he'd notice right away and tried his best to fix the problem and made sure I was happy again. During school, we were with each other 24/7.

However, ever since the month of January, we have been in a long distance relationship because we each had to go back home and have 4 months of internship. Ever since we've been apart, my boyfriend started to play an online game every single day. He would have work from 9 to 7 pm. Each time he comes home, he would be on the computer playing video games. I know this because it shows up on his gaming account. If he's not playing the game, he is either eating or sleeping. I just feel like he never has time for the relationship anymore because hes constantly playing that game. Every time I try to confront him about this issue, he would call me annoying and tell me he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Then, he'd ignore my text, call, etc and go play the game again. He justifies his gaming by saying he is really stressed from work and he can only destress by having some alone time through playing video games. He even lies about how long he spends playing this game every day. After arguing over his gaming habits for about 3 weeks, it has really taken a toll on our relationship.

I don't know what to do anymore. We've been in ldr last summer but it was completely different. (however, we didn't have to go to work back then)  We would message everyday and talk about almost everything. Every weekened, we made sure to visit each other and plan cute dates. Seeing each other was the highlight of both of our week. Comparing last summer to now, it is totally different. We barely message each other anymore because he takes too long to respond while playing games, we never call, and never skype. We see each other once every two weeks max, and it will only be about 4 hours each visit. 

I really like him a lot and it is so hard to try and leave him. This is only my first relationship and I don't know what to do. When we hang out, he is still really sweet and kind. I remember last week when he came over, it was the first time we were secluded from the outside world and can truly be together for a day. He looked so torn and upset when he had to leave after the day was over. He even shed some tears (he usually never cries). It felt like to me, at that moment, he didn't want to leave me at all. However, when I invited him to watch a movie with him today, he rejected it and said maybe next week. When I checked his gaming account, it said, as expected, that he is playing his video game again. What should I do? Should I break up with him? Should I try to talk to him more? But even when I try to tell him, he'd find me annoying and threaten to hang up/stop messaging. I understand that he needs to relax and have some fun after a long day of work... but he never has time for me at all anymore. Am I being unreasonable for wanting some attention?

P.S. As I am writing this post, he is playing the game. 

Polga
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Last seen: 1 hour 33 min ago
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Angie

Welcome Angie

Thanks for sharing your experience. Neglect in relationships is something we see a lot of here. You are not alone.

You are not being unreasonable to want a relationship where you can spend quality time with your partner. You need to think what is important in any relationship for you, and if you bf cannot or will not give that to you, be prepared to leave. After you have given consideration to what your boundaries are, have a talk when you have his full attention. Talk about your needs and feelings. Don't give an ultimatum that you aren't prepared to carry out. Once you have said what you want to say, at least you will know that you tried your best. It's then up to him to respond. He may be very defensive.

You are both very young. I don't know if your boyfirnd is addicted or not. If he is an addict he will find it very hard to quit games. Some people game to excess because they are seeking shelter from painful feelings, and then it becomes an addiction that is very hard to control. Even though they want to quit, it is very hard and relationships are neglected.

Or it could be that he is very immature and does not know what is expected of him in a realtionship and wants to feel that he is in control of his own life. After the initial honeymoon period of a relationship has gone, people may become less attentive and lazy on working on the relationship, and revert to more selfish behaviour. Relationships sometimes need negotiation to keep things on track.Maybe you can work out what is fair regarding spending time together and giving him his own free time, if he is able to moderate his gaming.

Whatever the reason, if you don't do anything this situation is unlikely to get better on its own.

Keep reading the other stories on this forum. They may help you.

All the best

 

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