Breaking off the engagement.

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LadyStardust
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Breaking off the engagement.

My partner is constantly playing games. He is on the sick so unfortunately cannot work. He spends most of his time playing games while I am either sleeping or at work.
It's gotten to the point where I am considering leaving due to his selfishness.
I hate going to bed and waking up on my own or waking up and he's most likely just gone to bed.
I'll get up and get ready for work and leave. When I get home he's playing and the house is a mess. I have to then clean up after him as he says he's been in too much pain to do anything (now don't get me wrong I know his medical problems are there but he makes no process to actually do what the doctors are saying to help because he just sits in the same position for a long amount of time.) He hasn't ate all day so waits until I have to cook for myself and him after work.
I'm getting tired of being ignored too while he talks to all his friends on his headset. So I just go to bed and start the process again. I feel like I'm basically living on my own and it's so lonely.

I asked him yesterday if maybe he could try and get a normal bedtime and that it didn't even have to be an early one just maybe 12am-1am he could get up at 10am or something.
His reply was "I don't see the point because it's not like I have anything to get up for."
I think this is what really got to me because I'm here, I'm a reason. Sometimes on my day off I'll get up around 9am since I'm used to that and I won't see him until about 2-3pm because he's just getting out of bed. Then he'll maybe watch something with me but he's always asking "what do you want to do?" And obviously most the day has gone to go anywhere and I get sick of watching TV, I don't have any games to play because he deletes them for space so I end up saying "I don't know." And he always just puts his game back on anyway after turning down most my ideas.
I think a few weeks ago it hurt me too as I had been ill for a few weeks and feeling not myself, so I took a pregnancy test just incase. I was really scared and he wouldn't even put his game down to come sit with me or even hug me after because it was "not a good time to ask for hugs as he can't pause."

That got me thinking too tho about how I probably couldn't start a family with him anyway and I'm obviously not important enough to him even though he tells me he loves me and he would be nothing without me.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Should I break off my engagement and move home. I'd lose my job due to travel problems and is that any reason to stay in a lonely relationship? Am I being selfish?

Polga
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We cannot advise you leave or

We cannot advise you leave or not. I don't think you are selfish to want to consider your future. This is your one chance at life. At the moment you are enabling him to live this dependant and gaming lifestyle.

I think you need to take time to think about the kind of life you want to live (in an ideal world)

You also need to think about the ways you are enabling him to continue in this manner, and bring about some changes to the way you interact so that it is healthier for both of you.

Many spouses of gamers who come here wish they had not have children with a gamer because it is like being a single parent.

When you know more about what you want, you can make the changes you need. Maybe talk it through with a professional counsellor.

The sticky posts on both spouse forums will give you much to think about. Keep coming back to check it out.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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LadyStardust
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Thank you for the advice. I

Thank you for the advice. I tried to talk to him yesterday and we have decided to work on his medical problems together to try and get him a little bit more motivated.
He promised to change his bed time but still didn't come to bed until late/early.
I don't want to be the nagging partner so I probably do enable him quite alot.

I'm still new to the website so I'll take a look about to see what others in my position have said.

BeckyG
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Im supposes to married in 1 week

But i had to break it off 2 months ago when I realised i was in for a life of loneliness and less and less affection. I wish i had found this site sooner as im now dreadfully missing the old him and wonder if i should have stuck by him and worked harder to try and make him see he had a problem. Can i ask what it is your partner plays? 

Becky

Polga
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Becky, if he didn't take you

Becky, if he didn't take you seriously when you first told him you thought he had a problem and how that impacted on you and your relationship, I don't think you could have persuaded him any different later on. We hear it so often from spouses that addicts turn it around and say we are the ones with the problem and not them. They cannot see sense.

Here's what one member wrote

" Here is what I know about addicts, and I grew up with them in my home:

1. They CANNOT be reasoned with. You aren't even talking to your [spouse] when he/she is gaming, but some dopamined-up version of him/her.

2. No matter how much you try to "understand" them, it won't matter. You CANNOT fix them, because you are NOT the problem, no matter how much the addict blames everyone else but themself.... most likely YOU the spouse.

3. You CANNOT enable them in ANY way. If you are doing ANYTHING that will allow her more game stop immediately. Don't run to the store for a gallon of milk, don't clean the house (unless they work too, then do YOUR fair share).

4. Nagging, threatening, yelling, physically removing gaming devices, etc does NOT work. An addict will do just about anything to get their "fix".

5. Do NOT give addicts an ultimatum you don't plan on following through with.

6. Let them feel the consequences of her actions fully, whatever they might be. Addicts are very selfish, and they are most motivated to change when consequences effect them directly, personally, intimately...."

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

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