Considering divorce

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jykell1976
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Considering divorce

I'm feeling pretty lost at the moment. I am a pregnant newlywed. I've been with my husband about 3.5 years. We just got married in December. I believe my husband has a gaming addiction. He has played games his whole life. Sometimes he will play less and sometimes more depending upon the game. He obviously plays more with some of the more addicting games such as Civilation and Ark. Ark is his new addiction.

When we first met things were wonderful and he could not get enough of me. As time wen't on, he was less interested in me and hid his video game playing from me for the first 6 months we were together. He says he was afraid I'd think he was a loser. I must say, if I had known about the video game issue I would not have pursued the relationship. But by the time I found out about the gaming I was so in love with him.

Currently, he is playing Ark. He has not slept in the bed with me for two weeks until I got so upset that I cried. He then finally slept with me for two nights. Our sex life is now non-existant, going from 2-3 times a day in the beginning. He missed 2 doctors appontments during this time and the grass had grow to almost a foot. I'd say it's safe to say he is neglecting his daily responsibilities as well as me, his spouse. We never have conversations or do anything together anymore. We have nothing to talk about. Now this is what's currently happening. And we have argued over his gaming habits in the past. I once found his online profile and it showed him playing 90hrs in two weeks. That's a full-time job. And he works full-time, so no wonder I feel totally neglected. He doesn't think he has a problem. He tells me to stop watching tv, reading books and surfing the internet. He compares those actions to the same thing as gaming. But I disagree. If I watch TV I'm usually multi-tasking. If I'm surfing the web it's more about research. I rarely read books, the last one was about pregnancy. I think these are legit things to spend time doing. I'm not picking berries and killing dinosaurs in a fantasy world for hours on end, not sleeping and neglecting my spouse. I feel like the only thing to do is get a divorce. I've asked him to cut back so many times. And he will for a short period. But here's the thing. We are having a baby. I will not watch him play video games while I raise our child by myself. I will not expose my child to such destructive behavior. I'm just at a loss. I love him but I don't know what to do. Honestly, if this is how he acted toward me when we met, there would be no we. I feel totally rejected, unloved, undesired and lonely. The best part about this new game. His friend bought us an XBox as a wedding gift. Very thoughful of his friend. He said he bought it so they could spend time together. Well I guess I hope the two of them will be happy together. 

Polga
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Welcome and sorry you have to

Welcome and sorry you have to deal with this while you are expecting your child, which should be time of joy and expectation for both parents

I've seen a pie chart used to show how an addicts life is so out of balance. you could use that to show him how unbalance he is and show a pie chart of your time to compare. But it is hard to get through to an addict with logic.

I recommend you keep coming back to read  the sticky posts on the spouses forum and other spouse stories to help you make your decision, and how to take care for yourself and recover from the effects of his addiction.

He is going to have to feel some pretty bad consequences to want to change. He has to want to recover himself. We have no control over that but we can look after ourselves.

WHile you pause to reflect on your next move, it would be comforting to you to find and develop other sources of support for you and your new child. Perhaps you could talk over your options for the future with a counsellor.

 

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

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jykell1976
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Thank you for your reply. It

Thank you for your reply. It's actually funny that you suggested I make a pie chart. I already did make a pie chart when I found out he had spent 90 hrs in two weeks on video games. I think his free time after sleep, food, work and video games came out to 18 hrs. I am not an irrational person. And I don't give him grief when he plays. I give him grief when I've expressed my needs from him and they continue to go unmet while his gaming habits continue to be met. I told him I want a divorce and I am serious if this continues. He's promised to change, but I've been promised before. It's so sad because he is so great in so many other ways. But whats the point of having a great guy who doesn't take an interest in me anymore. I guess I don't give him the same buzz the games give him. How could I possibly, I'm simply human and I'm trying to live the life we have, not create some fanatsy life. I hate what this has turned me into. I am going to start focusing on myself and doing things strictly for me. 

 

Polga
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Thanks for sharing this.

Thanks for sharing this. Strength to you.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Sharda
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I really appreciate reading

I really appreciate reading your experience. I am going through something similar. My husband is an addict period. It is the game currently but before this it was the stock market, guns, a new business etc. he neglects me period but the game is by far the worse addictions. 

My daughter is 2 and I can't figure out a way to leave him. He never changes. He just does it more it seems if I say anything to him. We co-sleep with my baby and he hardly sleeps with us. Never has sex with me. We are running out of money. He is the financial support. 

I try to live life according to the bible but I have really been thinking about leaving him. I am not saying for you to leave your husband but nothing changes. 

You think you feel bad now, wait until he treats your child like that. 

Sharda

Cmolina727
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My husband has me in the same

My husband has me in the same boat. We've been married 8 years nothing has changed only gotten worst with gaming. I don't know what to do. We have two kids and the oldest (5yrs) is also addicted to games on the phone iPad he constantly needs to be watching or playing something. Doesn't even play w his toys. I'm having a hard time w him now and my husband is so out of tune and into his world that he doesn't even know. What trips me out is that he doesn't think he is addicted! What do I do? I feel for you!!! Let's try and figure out ways to get them to stop. Do u think we should request a day or two off from playing Game? See what they say. I'm not sure my husband will commit to that, he might say "I ain't no child" but I can't be negative it might work.

Christine

Polga
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You cannot make them stop if

You cannot make them stop if they are addicted.

They have to feel bad consequences before they want to stop. They will resent you for asking because they do not want to or cannot do it.

Read the sticky posts on both spouse forums and stories of affected spouses who have posted here before to understand more about the addict and what you can do.

You have to stop enabling the gamer, start to "detach with love" and get an awesome life without them. Look after yourself because they cannot. We cannot control them; you have to change your ways because nothing will change for you until you do something different.

Regarding your 5 year old child. It is not healthy for them to be on an ipad at all at that age. I fear for your child's health. Steve Jobs ( Head of Apple)  did not let his kids (much older) use ipads and similar technology. Smart guy. You need to get yourself educated about this. See our parents forum or website http://www.familiesmanagingmedia.com/

Keep coming back!

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

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