A Couple Of Questions

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Di4621
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A Couple Of Questions

Hi, I recently found out my husband has been has been cheating on me while playing Star Trek Online. He has been role playing being married to the current one. They role play what they are doing to each other sexually. He says he doesn't consider it cheating because it is a game. But I feel cheated. It's so hurtful. I don't see how he can't see that. Any suggestions of how to handle this? If faced with losing your s.o. how likely are you to stop doing it? I love him, but I'm not willing to be put on a shelf while my husband gives all his attention to other women.

Thanks,

Di

 

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Di

Welcome Di

It's a common occurance that the spouse of the problem gamer finds themselves doubting their own judgement and sanity because the gamer will not seem to ackowledge what to us are crazy choices.

We learn that we cannot control the gamer and the gamer often has the empathy and judgement of a garden gnome because of the damage inflicted by their compulsive gaming on their brain. We do not expect a garden gnome to be reasonable ... the same goes for an addict. Infidelity has been widely reported on this forum. If your husband was not so affected, he might be appauled by his own actions. Recovered gamers are often affected by the guilt they feel in the" light of day"

I sounds like you have a healthy stance regarding your own boundaries for a loving relationship. You need to give it some thought about what you want in life before you have a serious talk with your partner. Once you have have said your piece either he will respond positively or maybe he will just shrugg his shoulders. But at least it's then out there. But then you have to let it go as best you can. Nagging and snipping will only make him go further into his virtual world. . Then all you can do is detach from his choices which you cannot control, and look after yourself. By detaching you can do it to stay in the relationship or you can make the detahcment permanant by leaving.

If you want to give him an ultimatum, make sure you are prepared to go through with it first.

I recommend you keep coming back to read about how you can take care of yourself and also see that you are not alone with this.

This post is a good place to start.

This post is good on boundaries and online affairs

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