Desperate... Need help asap

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Jayexbee
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Desperate... Need help asap

hello everyone.. I found this website earlier this morning and am honestly hoping someone on here can help.

i have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half, and he is heavily addicted to video games. He is a senior in college and is no longer graduating next month due to his video game addiction. He also quit his job, which he says is because he was unhappy working there, but it was honestly to play more video games. He has not put in any effort to find a new job, and all my best efforts at trying to motivate him to get his life together go unheard or unnoticed. 

Our relationship has suffered greatly because of this. His video game addiction is the root of all our fighting, and I am torn between wanting to help him or leaving this relationship because of how neglected I feel.

our sex life is also suffering because of this. I feel that he prefers to masturbate now when I'm not around, because it's quicker and allows him to play video games immediately after. I cannot count how many times I've been bailed on, ignored, or set aside because of his video game addiction.

i love this man very much, but at this point in our relationship I'm not sure what else I can do. Last night was possibly our biggest fight yet, in which I made him choose between me or his video games, and he proceeded to walk away from me because he said he had to get back to his game. That right there should be enough to let me know it's time to walk away, but I am so heartbroken and torn my all of this.

Whenever I bring up the issue, he just responds by saying "I know I need to get my life together, I'm going to do it" and then gives me some excuse as to why he can't start to change right away. He always sets some future date when he'll start looking for a job, such as "I have exams all this week, so after this week is over I'll do something about it." He then fails to show up to his exams because of his video games, and once that next week comes around, nothing changes as he promised.

can anyone please help me with this situation and shed some light as to what I'm supposed to do at this point? I need all the advice I can get.

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Hi Jayexbee

Hi Jayexbee

A spouse member who posted on this forum said 

"I have to be honest, if I had a "do over" button and could go back knowing then what I know now, I would RUN. Far, fast, furiously.... Life is too short to serve a life sentence for loving an addict" Full post here

If you need any more information there is plenty of advice and information in the sticky posts on both spouse forums and in the individual stories of other spouses.

 

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

Foxy77
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I know this is probably not

I know this is probably not what you want to hear but if I was you I'd leave him... Before it's too late, before you have financial commitments before you have kids. He will not change until he is ready or even ever. Gaming addictions, like all addictions ruins people lives- he'll never put you first and he'll use you when he wants something! Sorry to be negative but this is my experience- 5 years in and with 2 kids. I've been stood up at relatives at Christmas (my kids Dad spent 2 Christmases playing Internet games instead of being with his kids). When I'd given birth to our 2nd child he left me recovering from an epidural temporary paralysed, not being able to see my baby because she was in SCBU and he went home to play games! 

Anyway, it's your decision but I urge you to get out now before it's too late, you're worth much more xxxx

Zee

KatLan
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Joined: 05/03/2016 - 9:37pm
Jayexbee, I feel like I was

Jayexbee, I feel like I was in your shoes about 5 years ago. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 years, and I thought he would grow or just "grow up" but nothing has changed. Does he ever have anyone bail him out? His parents? How does he have money? My boyfriend would always have his parents give him money and now he is 31. It's still happening. If he can't recognize that it is hurting you, then he has no intention of changing. At this point now, it only seems like he might stop or "get his life together" because it effects himself. That's good that he recognizes he needs to finish school, get a job, etc. but he can still do those things while continuing to play games, and as a significant other you are still effected. As a general rule of thumb, if they can't take care of themselves, how are they supposed to take care of you? But even when they think they have figured their lives out and they're still not able to take care of you, or give you what you need out of a relationship, then it's not fair. A relationship is two sided, not just what he wants. He needs to respect what you need as well. My boyfriend doesn't go to bed at all, he doesn't leave the spare bedroom except to use the bathroom, he doesn't eat meals, he buys bags of chips and eats them, he doesn't shower, and he is exhausted at work and can't get his work done. He has gotten fired from one job and been placed on an improvement performance plan at his most recent job. And the job is a really good one, a career. His behavior has led me to be very resentful, I would go in there and have to ask if he wanted to hang out with me, and he would say mane, but we would never. So I would get him to commit to a specific time, only to have him blow me off because he was still playing. I have been stood up for dinners, have had to make excuses to my family about him, friends, and would always be going to events or gatherings alone. We hadn't had sex in along time either, one year we went 11 months. I feel your pain and I am worried that you will be neglected in the relationship like I was. I love him so much and thought he was the one, and I thought this was just a phase, depression. But after all these years, I can't do it anymore.

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