Due to be married in a month but Im completely dead

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Justmeplease
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Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
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Joined: 03/11/2016 - 9:18pm
Due to be married in a month but Im completely dead

This is my first post. I need to vent so badly. Im in tears again! 

Im engaged to be married next month but everything is just getting worse and worse. We have a 1.5 year old daughter whom i do most of the childcare for despite working more hours than he does, leaving earlier & getting home later. Every day after work he says "he just needs quiet time" as th excuse to play which lasts hours sometimes. Sometimes he cooks when I come home late whoch becomes a guilt trip when anything gaming related is mentioned. When I complain about not being able to relax after work too, he Says said that I can just lay by him and relax too (he lays in bed playing). But when I do that (because I too would also love to flop in bed when i get home) our daughter walks over to the bed crying and wanting attnetion and to be held. (Like almost within the minute. If i put her on the bed (so I can also relax and stay on it too,) she tries to sit on him, grab his xbox controller, etc and he gets irritated. So i end up just going to our living room and playing w her, feed her etc. So hes in his retreat undisturbed while I am basically doing everything because my daughter pretty much comes to me if Im home and it doesnt occur to him to come out and be with us so he can spend time with us and also to share the responsibility. He says i can also do whatver i want and "take a break" but not when i have a toddler who is cranky, wanted to play and be held. She will literally not let me read a book or do what I want (bake something, write a letter undisturbed). He got a new game recently... Fall out and its been insanely worse, he plays later, and seems irritated when i talk to him. I dont know whats going on in the game but it seems like he needs to listen to what the characters are actually saying and he appears irritated when I ask him something/talk to him. When I used toasked him to do something months past he used to come by pretty quickly. Now "in a minute" has been 20 mins, 2 hours and never.  He has told me that if i was happy with him, he wouldnt to want to play so much but I am just unhappy because I am horribly tired from work daily and somehow his tiredness and all feelings are always more valid than mine. His tiredness gets him a break and mine gets me nothing. I cant believe that this is my life. I was so in love with him but once we moved in together it all changed.  i had no idea he was like this!! I would also like to add that he has a 4 yr old son whom we have every weekend and whom i love insanely and on saturday when we are both off, its me doing the majority of the parenting. I make cookies w him, read to him, take him to the playground, I am potty training him. Thats my baby! I love him but I feel unappreciated. The most he does when we pick him up from his bio moms house is we go eat and to the playground or library and then hes exhausted.... Back home and Back to the game on the bed and both kids come to me for everything. He works Sundays and so on sunday its me with BOTH kids, I try my hardest to be a good role model to the both of them. I love both kids!!I really ****ed up! Only one month and everything is ready to go for the wedding but i am unhappy th majority of the time.

Polga
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Last seen: 22 hours 48 min ago
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Justmeplease

Welcome Justmeplease

Your gamer is not being the loving husband and father that he should be, and you may be having doubts about your relationship. Those feelings sound very healthy and justified to me. You are not alone with this problem.

I would encourage you to keep coming back and read how you can look after yourself in this situation on the forums. I would also encourage you, maybe through a therapist, to explore what you want from your life so you can find yourself a healthy direction, and how you may be able to change your current situation, because we cannot control the gamer's choices but we can control our own actions and understandings. Just talking it through in couselling, when no one is judging any of your feelings, may make you fully understand the reality of what is going on and you will be able to work things through for yourself.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

OutOfAzeroth
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Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
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Joined: 08/11/2010 - 11:29am
Unless you wish to validate

Unless you wish to validate that his behavior is acceptable, and are ready for this to be the norm during all your married life with him, cancel the wedding now. I am sure one of the reasons for not doing so is that you probably spent way more energy than him in planning it and you are thus suffering from the "sunk cost syndrome". I am also sure that your addict boyfriend is somehow going to try to use your cancelling the wedding over his behavior against you, and will probably try to mainpulate you next month into believing that he is spending more time gaming because of the wedding cancellation. Still, believe me (three years ago, I was addicted like your boyfriend is !), cancelling the wedding is your last chance to stop the situation from getting worse.

gamerwife76230
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Last seen: 3 years 8 months ago
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Joined: 03/15/2016 - 11:49pm
Neglected, hurt and worried

This is my first post on here. I just joined tonight, because I'm sleeping in my 6 year old son's bedroom floor (he's asleep on the couch) while my gamer fiancee is all comfy in bed playing Game of War as he's been doing since he got home at 6 and probably did during downtimes at work. He's spent at least $800 on the game since August last year, and that's just the money I know about. The money isn't what hurts the most though. It's the way he lies about the money he has spent in the game. It's the way he unknowingly and unintentionally neglects me. It's the way he's inadvertently passing this behavior onto my son...which stops NOW. I have no doubt that he loves me, because he's good to me and my son in every way except the gaming. I've been with addicts in the past and an abuser, and this feels no differently. It hurts more than my foot that has fallen asleep and my back from this floor. I have to stop letting it show how much it bothers me, because that only angers him, and he thinks my feelings are the problem..not the game.I have to stop my son from developing this problem as well. I've read the advice on this site, and it's great. I just wanted to share my story and know that I'm not the only one.

gamerwife

Polga
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Last seen: 22 hours 48 min ago
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome gamerwife

Welcome gamerwife

Glad you found us ! You are not alone . Hugs xx

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

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