Empire 4 Kingdoms / Line chat / BF plays up to 18 hours ..i am so hurt

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freya75
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Empire 4 Kingdoms / Line chat / BF plays up to 18 hours ..i am so hurt

Hi everyone,

This is my first post although I am here for a while. First of all I apologise for my English as it's not my mother tongue. My boyfriend (47) plays up to 18 hours daily, he occasionally take breaks while at work, but whenever he is not working or sleeping (4-5 hours a night). He plays non stop. He also stay days without showering, shaving, eats only crap food..

During our holidays he played everyday,everywhere, during sightseeing, restaurants, excursions...he called his game buddies and chatted with them on LINE constantly.I've asked him to at least reduce it a bit... he might do it for a few times but then he is back to his old pattern.

He doesn't want to go anywhere because he is either extremely tired or has a quest to fulfil in the game.

I attended a local group to suppport relatives for about 7 months. The group was great to realize that I am not alone in this journey or I am crazy or make unrealistic requests, but I gave up as my BF said he loves the game and has no intention to stop it.

He is loving and caring to me, but more and more he says I am nagging for attention...which I am, because I feel that if I don't ask for attention and affection, I won't get it.

My 2 psychologists said I should leave him...but it's easier said than done. His father offered to pay all treatments, doctors, medis..he doesn't want..

I do take care of myself, I exercise, go out, meet friends...but I feel that threre is no space for me in his life, that my love, patience, support are just not enough to make him realized that he is wasting his life. I feel powerless, hopeless, neglected, hurt.

It has been 2 years since my husband of 14 years left me and I thought I finally found a perfect man...and I all wanted is to enjoy a happy life with him, but his addiction is too strong... and I am completely lost :-(

Any kind words will be highly appreciated.

Thanks! Freya

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Freya and thanks for

Welcome Freya and thanks for sharing your story.

This is your journey and you have options. They are your choices to make. It sounds like you know exactly what is going on here but you do not want to leave him at the moment. As time goes on your feelings may change and you may feel finally enough is enough.

In the welcome info for spouses it suggests that begging for attention can validate a feeling in him that he is valued and having an addiction is 'OK' ... less need to change his behaviour. Getting the attention you need from other sources of support may be better for you and him.

He will learn more consequences of gaming if you leave him and let him fend for himself, or step away from his addiction completely by detaching with love. He will not be able to rely on you anymore. He probably likes things just as they are. It may help you to look at your own needs and desires for a future you deserve; ignore the fact that he cannot give you many of these things right now ... just let your mind explore what is best for you. You will get a picture of what a good life might look like for you. Just visualising it may be a catalyst for positive change.

You could also try to educate his parents about how they enable him.

If the group you attended was not supporting your needs then it's fine not to go. Nothing you can do can control his addiction, but doing some things may help YOU to get stronger happier and more at peace.

If you feel that you would like to have help to have healthy relationships ( maybe some future time) then see if there is a CODA group near you.

See the link for spouses in my signature to learn more, if you have not seen that thread already. Things like how you may be enabling him and detaching with love. there is also a thread about interventions but you would need to get his parents on board as they are enabling by the sound of it.

Just remember this addiction is baffling and powerful. It is like he is sick person. Not the best person he is capable of being. you cannot rely on him to act normal because he is an addict. Until he wakes up, games will always be number 1 priority

I'm glad you found us. You are not alone

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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