The game has changed, the pattern hasn't

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greenapple0307
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The game has changed, the pattern hasn't

I have been married for nearly two years.  I met my husband in high school and fell in love at first sight.  He was great at first, sweet, romantic, considerate.  Then he began to skip school and smoke marijuana with his friends and ignore me completely.  Unsurprisingly, being the naive sixteen year old I was, I cheated on him to get his attention.  The end result was me sitting in my room with a broken heart (think Bella in New Moon).

Fast forward to two years ago, I was in a loveless marriage and my husband flies in and sweeps me off my feet.  My kids fall in love with their new step dad and my life became infused with happiness.  Then he buys a new laptop.  He starts playing Minecraft an hour or so a day.  I don't think much of it until our wedding night when I was abandoned in my bedroom so he could play his game in the living room. It only got worse after that.  Soon my children and I are banned from coming into the living room (the center of the house) for fear of making noise that could be heard on the headset by his friends.  He even starts blatantly flirting with girls on the game.  I try crying, yelling and arguing.  Nothing works and I resign myself to trying to find a way to improve myself so he'll want to spend time with me.  When it finally gets to where I'm walking on eggshells around him, I send my kids to their dad's and go to a domestic violence shelter.  After two weeks of realizing that no one could understand what I was going through and getting very discouraged, I came back to him.  Once again, everything was fine until now.  He was playing Rust but now it's Arma 3.

We had made plans to move to Seattle after I graduate college.  He constantly openly fantasizes about having a bunker or outbuilding with a bathroom and mini fridge where he can game all he wants without interference.

I'm now contemplating making that move with just my children and myself.  I love my husband deeply and feel guilty at just the thought of leaving him like that.  But I just feel like he only wants me here as more of a personal assistant than a wife.  The thought of even being with someone else makes me feel wrong.  I graduate in two years.  Could I possibly salvage my marriage before I go too far away?

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Greenapple

Welcome Greenapple

I recommend you read about the experiences of other spouses on this forum and the blue sticky posts of both spouse forums to learn about what you are up against.

It is very comfortable to have you around to look after him. He is in heaven. Please read the sticky posts about not enabling him, detachment and taking care of yourself.

We cannot control their addiction or recovery. He will only want to stop when he starts to feel consequences. I have read stories where it takes several years for the gamer to come to their senses once their spouse has left them. At first they feel relief that they can game unopposed. Maybe a few years later they realise that they are sad and lonely and how badly they have treated their family.

So what I am saying is that things will stay the same unless you change and look after yourself

 

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