Gamer husband sexting other women

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akashastrega
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Joined: 08/02/2016 - 3:50pm
Gamer husband sexting other women

My husband has bi-polar type 2, and ptsd. Initially he xboxed for fun, and it wasn't a problem. Over time it became an addiction. Often he is so into his games that he doesn't take his prescribed meds or even gets much sleep. Currently, that is the situation and he's manic. In this condition, and with his xbox addiction, he has completely ignored me and our teen twins. The 3 of us have tried doing things on our own, to which he gets angry and says we're ignoring him. We try to explain that he's been ignoring us. Around the beginning of July, my spidey senses started tingling. Last week our son noticed text messages to a fellow gamer, herself married, that spoke of sexual acts they'd like to perform on each other. Our son confronted him. My husband said that he was helping her, that she was in an abusive marriage. Our son then told him of the sexting and that he would tell me. My husband told our son "go ahead", as if to call his bluff.

My husband is disabled, has no income, and doesn't go out in public much. I tried to be understanding about his gaming, but I'm sure at some point I started enabling him. Now he's having a cyber-affair.

Much like the comments I get when I say he's a gaming addict, I've received comments dismissing his affair: well it's not like they're actually having sex OR its online, he's not truly cheating. To me, if he is giving someone else attention he should be giving to his family, to me...then yes, he's cheating. He is breaking trust.

He feels invincible on the game, and won't get off of it. The area around his xbox is a disaster. Our son does the chores that my husband used to do. He contributes very little to the family, yet uses our money for games, food, etc...and now he is also sexting!

I dont know what to do. I feel stuck. I want to confront him, maybe even have him move out...but he would literally be homeless. That frightens our kids. So I really could use some help in dealing with a gaming addict with mental health issues, no job, no income, who has now crossed a big marital line.

Thank you.

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome to the spouses forum.

Welcome to the spouses forum. I am so sorry for this hardship in your life.

I would encourage you to read the sticky posts in the blue area at the top fo both spouse forums. And keep coming back so that it all sinks in.

I would encourage you to stop getting drawn into his addict talk and manipulations and rationalisations about how reasonable his behaviour is. He is not acting like a good husband. he is acting like an addict and you cannot reason with them. Do not expect him to change his view...but you do not have to accept it.

What you can do; stop enabling, " detach with love" and look after yourself.  Think what your boundaries are to  stay in the relationship. It may help you to get counselling so you can figure this out. Make sure they talk about you and not how you can fix his problems ... he has to work a way out to fix himself.

He will only seek to change when he feels the pain bad consequences of his actions.

INFO

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