This is gonna be long. Let me start by saying I have never felt so understood before I found this site. I have been struggling with my game addicted husband since before we got married.
I really truely thought gaming addiction was a myth, that it was some sort of propaganda monster used to scare millenials into not spending their time and money on games. I didnt know it was real.
I know know better. I truely do. All I can do is pick up the peices and move on, i didnt belive it was real until this past year. My husband lost his job, our home, and our car 7 months ago. A week after our daughter was born. Tripple threat boom. All gone. Our entire married lives down the drain. Over GAMES.
We moved because a pest control problem got out of hand. He refused to spend any money to treat it and our slum lord didnt help,
He took me off our bank account when I took out money I knew he planned to spend on a game when we needed diapers instead. For the last year or so I have been unable to access our bank account.
He just games. He doesnt eat, doesnt sleep on a regular schedule just games till he drops. If its not his ps4, its the xbox 360, phone, laptop. Most of the time more than 1 at once
I was in labor for 27 hours with our son who is now 2.5 and he didnt even stop to hold my hand or look at me till they took me back for an emergency csection. I should have left then, newly wed, new mom, and buying his excuse of needing to cope with hospital fear...helped me stay.
Him getting a job, and paying the bills helped me stay. Until I got pregnant with baby number 2, and then it became apparent. Gaming addiction is real.
He simply withndrew into them more. He would rather buy games than diapers, my frantic nesting and preping our shoe box sized apartment to make space for another child was met with complaints about putting off another game another map, anothet blunt. My fantic pleas to spend time with our son before his daughter came ended with me taking him to the park alone. My pregnancy induced hypertension and eztreme vomiting resulting in multiple hospital admittions due to malnutrition during pregnancy didn't slow him down. He just would go to work, come home, take off his shirt and game. By the time it came to labor I went ahead and had a repeat csection. Penciled it in like having a tooth removed. He took two weeks off work for her birth and DIDNT EVEN STAY AT THE HOSPITAL WHEN I HAD MY DAUGHTER for more than an hour or 2 a day if that. He came and ate dinner with me. I know I harbor resentment. Gaming was more important. Stay home and gaming with our old roomie and smoking pot was more important.
I have done everything short of break things and fly off the handleand break the few "nice" things we own. Our playstation4 and his phone are the only things that survived our families sprialing loss into near homelessness due to his addiction to gaming.
He doesnt bathe, he doesnt work, he doesnt move off the couch. I litteraly have relatives who refuse to be in the same room as him because he smells so bad. He will wake up and game till 2-4 am and won't pay any mind to the kids or me unless he knows I have money or haven't had sex with him in a few days. Then he wants sex then gets up and goes back to gaming.
We are already living with family. My family and many friends think I'm over reacting, its just a bad job market, things will get better when we have a car and a home again, its not drugs their is no reason to leave. He lets our newly crawling daughter fall off the couch or lay and cry and scream because he would rather game. Instead of feeding her real meals he will give her bottles. It takes time to adjust after having a baby. Ect ect, all excuses.
He doesnt change either of our kids diapers and will leave them wet for hours, i'm so sick of being a maid/sextoy/inconvenience to him.
He will not let our children finish a movie on netflix! When he wakes up and is ready for games he just shuts off whatever was on and goes back like he didnt cause toddler melt down of the century,
He will wear the same pair of pants no shirts for weeks. I no longer respect him, i can no longer stand him, my kids dont go to him unless they have to.
Every time i bring up the topic and how its effecting us and our family he complely shuts down. I almost wish he would fight with me instead of shutting down and shutting us out steadfastly ignoring the kids and I until he decides we are worth his time again. Could be a few hours or a few days.
I could talk longer on his travels into game addiction. I could tell you each and every moment the gong of realization that this was real as any addiction to pills or whatever went off. The path it took turning into a full blown addiction to gaming of all things.
I know I enabled him deluding myself. I tried detaching peacefully and slowly and ended up with a trashed house and trashed heart. I gave up everything for him, trusting his words it would work out. But 4 people cant live in a room at a relatives house with wifi to compensate for space. He may be able but I can not.
Our daughter falling off the couch cause he couldnt be bothered to take off the headset and watch her broke the last straw.
I read so many stories before I posted here obsessivly read the post here for 3 months before making this decision, so many of you faced similar issues.
This is real. Gaming addiction can distroy homes like any other addiction. I learned it the hard way, hes happy as long as he can game and at least eat a can of soup or raviolli a day. Because when i was pregnant I made me and my son food, and thats what he ate.I diserve better. My kids do too.
I told him I was done.many times didnt seem to hit home
I felt alone like a sex toy or maid or cheif got a chuckle and off color jokes about being a good wife and mom.
I wanted a home have pleaded and begged but refrained from letting loose anger. Because even I can't rationalize breaking his phone, laptop or ps4. It just doesnt help me seem reasonable or rational. Like I am trying so hard to be.
I let him know I felt alone. I have repeated the conversation. Again and again. I won't ever take his kids but he can't live with me.
If I have any hope of rising above this I have to distance myself,I don't know what to go from here aside from distancing myself and moving on. I dont know if seperation will help him, but it will help me and the kids.
Until he understands the problem there is no hope i know that now.
I thought I was the problem for a long time. Not sweet enough, not sexy enough, not engaging enough with a baby hanging off of me. I flew into full time Motherhood and leaving the workforce. Blossomed in parenthood, he worked and gamed. I deluded myself for a long while. I enabled him rationalizing the gaming under needing a break and picked up all the housework, laundry, childcare ect. Of course this had another side effect made me unable to game with him, i always limited myself to gaming when our son was asleep and everything was cleaned and picked up.
It really showed how far I had come enabling him, and how deep the problem went when I had my health taken from me with another child unexpectedly on the way. I know now what I had done. It never sat right but seemed right at the time because I told myself. Hes just tired, just needs a break. But it wasnt that a break from work and home is an hour or two not skipping meals and gaming from wake up to sleep when not at work. I know I contributed, but didnt at the time.
Its real this addiction this problem. I wish it wasnt.
Now All I can do is pick up the peices of my life. My loose plan of car, job, horde money till I feel stable then leave is just that. Its my game plan.
I love this man, but I can not help someone who will not help themselves.