Help!

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Michelle7
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Joined: 01/03/2016 - 1:16am
Help!

Hi everyone,
This is my first time doing something like thus but I'm desperate and wanted to try to talk to people who deal with this too.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years now, living together for about 9 months. He is sweet, caring, social, funny, loyal, and has a wonderful personality. We go out once per week, sometimes more or less, and enjoy our family and friends.

Despite all of these great qualities, he spends way too many hours on the computer. When we discuss it, he justifies it by claiming he reads the news, watches videos, etc. Although that is all true, the bulk of his hours are dedicated to gaming. There are times when it's tolerable because he spends time with me, cooks dinner, talks to me about my day, cleans, etc. Although he's on the computer till 4 am, I tolerate it because of everything else he did during the day. When he has a day off from work, it's much worse. He stays up all night, which then screws up his sleep schedule, and mine as well. He sleeps during the day or stays up and falls to sleep before I get home. By the time I need to sleep, he's awake... most times, he gets up for work, even if he slept for two hours... On rare occasion, he calls out.

I am so stuck and I don't know what to do. We get in many fights over this, and he gets better for a little, but goes right back.. No matter what, he's on it every single day unless we're not home.

I feel like he has a lack of motivation, and nothing compares to this hobby. When I bring it up, nice or mean, he becomes agitated or makes excuses, saying I do the same when I binge watch tv. This is true, I do. The difference is, I cleaned the house, made dinner, did laundry, wow emails for work, etc, all while watching tv. Totally different I think, because I'm productive still... He thinks it's all about me wanting more time, and I do, to a healthy point. We need our own time, I go out without him all the time with friends. But he needs to understand it worries me for him. Lack of sleep, lack of motivation, up all night, unproductive most days, not going to the gym but complaining that he needs to...etc.

I'm not sure how to feel better... I go back and forth, on a roller coaster.. I hate it =(

Polga
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Last seen: 17 hours 57 min ago
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Michelle

Welcome Michelle

Advice for spouses here

It's the age old debate of how much gaming is too much? It is obviously a problem in your marriage because you are not happy so you are right to think about it as being worthy of concern.

Have you thought of marriage guidance?

If you can discuss and agree waht is a fair division of time to get all needs met, then great

If he is an addict then you will not be able to negotiate a sustainable deal. Then you will need to look after yourself because he will not be able to until he feels enough consequences for him to want to change.

I recommend you read posts by our member cdgoldilocks.

 

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