Help please...not sure what I’ve gotten myself into

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Last seen: 1 year 11 months ago
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Joined: 12/09/2017 - 4:02pm
Help please...not sure what I’ve gotten myself into

To preface my situation, I myself am a high functioning alcoholic and freshly out of a relationship with an alcoholic/opiate addict when I met my current boyfriend. Despite how dismal that may sound, my previous boyfriend and I were extremely close for 9 years and our lives appeared fairly normal on the outside to most until his addictions ultimately led to him being jailed for 11 months. In that time, I joined dating websites hoping to meet someone and recover the dream I had of getting married and making a family (as I am now approaching 31). I met my current boyfriend and things were explosive at first, despite his obvious PC and gaming addiction. 

He acted like I was a goddess and literally drove 3 hours at my beck and call to see me. It was a nice change to feel appreciated. The first time we met after texting for weeks we spent the whole weekend in bed and he touched and held me the way of always dreamed of. He warned me he was a gamer and I warned him I was a drinker. Things seemed too good to be true despite the facts and I ignored odd warning signs like blatantly subjecting me to porn that made me Uncomfortable and talking about videogame characters as sexual objects. I think I was so lonely and desperate to leave my situation I didn’t care....and I quit my job and moved 3 hours away to be with him ( we got a lease together in a new apartment). I lived in an adorable cabin in the woods with tons of pets (I’m a vet tech) and I have all of them but 2 cats up to do this. This cabin had been life, I lived, worked, hardened, and had my life there.

Big surprise at that point I was no longer a novelty and my mental health was (and is)and an all time fragile state. He bottled himself up in “the office” or as I call it, his room, with his games and constantly ridiculed my insecurities. He only leaves the apartment to go to work or buy weed, and sends me for groceries if needed. 

Our sex life is virtually non-existent and consists of him instructing me. I am a very sexually person and this is killing me. I feel like a receptacle when we have sex and even worse, a pity **** receptacle. Like he’d rather be watching porn or jerking off to videogame characters. He literally got up ona Saturday morning I had off (which is rare) and said “well babe I’m gonna go get some gaming in and probably jerk off to D.Va” I don’t even know if he was joking.

He now belittles me for “not having hobbies” when I try to bring these issues up. I left my house, abandoned my pets, and have now cycled through 3 jobs since my move while his only interest is there he computer. 

Ive been rambling I know but I have no one else to talk to and when I try to talk to him like I would have any other partner, he belittled and breaks my confidence.

I have nothing in this new city and tiny apartment and job I don’t like. And he’s obsessed with the gaming and the tech world. Today I caught him making a logo for a “gamer friend” who turned out to be a very attractive young female. Much like he made me resumes to convince me to move down to be with him.

Long story short, Am I crazy to trust my intuition?


Polga's picture
Last seen: 1 day 2 hours ago
AdministratorOLG-Anon memberOLGA member
Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am


It sounds like the honeymoon period is over and reality is dawning. This does not sound like a healthy relationship for you.

You do not say what your intuition is in your situation. I hope it is telling you it's time to cut and run. You cannot change him.

It may help you to look into CODA meetings or therapy to strengthen yourself so you can make healthier relationships

See :

I don't think that a healthy relationship is going to happen where addiction is involved especiailly with 2 addicts in the relationship.

Maybe it's time to take care of yourself with regards to your own addiction. Try to get yourself into a supportive environment where recovery may possible. All the best to you.



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Last seen: 1 year 2 weeks ago
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Joined: 01/06/2017 - 10:23pm
I'm so very sorry to hear

I'm so very sorry to hear about your situation.  I am in recovery right now for booze.  I will have a year  of sobriety in January 2018.  Follow Polga's advice and take a look at your own addiciton and get some help.  My wife is totally addicted to gaming and it's spliting our marriage apart.  You can't fix him, but you can fix yourself but focusing in on you.  I thought becasue I am familar with recovery, that I can help my wife.  I was wrong.  If the addict wants help, they must want to get clean / help for themselves.  You cannot control another person's behavior.   God Bless. 

If you can't stand for something you'll fall for anything.

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