HI im new and sad to be here

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afwife0407
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HI im new and sad to be here

HI , my name is brandi, im a wife of a hard working man but in his spare time he mostly games. we dont see him that much and if we do its with the game or occasionally he will do things with us. He has been a gamer forever but its getting really bad now bc all of his co workers play this game and its one of the most addicting games out there. Im tired of the caoss and ready to be free from that. I read what i need to do but i have some questions like as his wife. Do i still greet him , make plans to be with him exct or do i sit back take care of the kids and i and love him from a distance unless he comes near us. Im not sure what to do on that. Also i wanted to play with im and get into his interest but when he plays so much the other times im like well i dont want to enable him. If it was only a hobby , which he says it is but its totally not any more bc he plays his game very often 14 hrs go by and its nothing to him. Hes off for 4 days and gives us maybe a few hrs a day if that sometimes spends a little time other is on the game or trys to get the kids to play with him. He suffers from some ptsd as well from his job. He will not admit hes addicted and he wont get help. We are firm believers in Jesus christ. I have been praying fo rhim to fall in love with God again and us. I did notice this week he has tried like hes gotten into a bible series all on his own which is great. Yesterday he tried to do some things with us of course it was after we had the gaming discussion and got into a argument. He is trying to make a plan to start flight school and change his job that he is doing which would help bc his friends are part of the reason hes in this game. he seems to try  to be around but once on that game again he struggles of course i usally havent helped with my attitude reactions and all but im workin gon it . he eats alone sometimes iwth the game or just watching a movie, he seems to like that. he plays before work when he gets up and He does get off to go to work after work he eats showers and most of the time games again. He did try to talk to me last night , i am strugglign with recieving some changes hes making, i dont know if hes doing it bc he wants to , bc he feels forced or doesnt want me to gripe or what, Im struggling trusting at this moment.. Also before work he has a few hrs he could be with the kids and i . He says hes with us bc hes in the house and same room or when he is with us he gets bored eaisily or seems to still have that game on his mind , i get men do need that shoulder friendship but im starting to feel maybe i should give him 10 to 15 min of being there like i would read a book and then leave the room. any advice would be great. Also our almost 10 year old is starting to get addicted or obsessed with the video games as well, and if my hsuband tries to do something with us non gaming he will bring up gaming. I want to game with daddy and then daddy sometimes says i cant game right now, im not allowed exct things like that. He is a good man so i dont know why hes letting this game take ahold to him. I did read that its to fill needs and i would love to help him fill those needs, like make him feel special , tell him hes good at what he does and loved and i know he tells me often he feels disrespected. I have struggled with this bc of the gaming but im trying to get better at respecting him.Anyways, i dont know how to show him these things,when i dont get alot of time wtih him'. i have a list of some things i can do but still a little lost.

Brandi

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome Brandi

Welcome Brandi

You may find it helpful to read through the threads that are linked in the advice for spouses / So's in my signature below.

This addiction is baffling and strong. It rewires their brains and makes them find other stuff really boring.

There are many ways in how you can approach the way you deal with his problem. It sounds like he is struggling against it but it is powerful.

There is a thread about detaching with love that may help you understand more . Detaching does not mean you exclude him from your actvities; you can offer him to join you; just let him make his own decisions and you must try not to get hung up if he goes his own way. Nagging does not help, but you can still talk about your needs or make observations; you will find out from experince what is helpful. There is more information in the threads linked in the information.

Perhaps you can take this problem to your church; there may be a counselling service that can help you. Look at the thread on interventions also.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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