How did things get this way

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JudyLLee
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How did things get this way

My husband plays Game of War about 10 hours a day for 2 years. He has spent (according to my lawyer) 26,000 dollars on one account.He did have other peoples passwords and accounts to play under their accounts. He said at one time he had 24 accounts. I found out he has been having an affair for about a year and a half noe. I was devestated. I dont even know how he put the phone/game down long enough to have an affair. But he filed for a divorce and it will be final in 2 months. I am heartbroken. I dont understand how he can stop playing to pay attention to another woman and her children and totally ignore his own. I still live with him only for 2 more months because I cant find a place I can afford for me and my two children (13 year old boy and 10 year old girl). We own a business together and he has totally moved all of that stuff out of the house and hid all the paper work somewhere. My question is...how do i move on? How do I stop loving someone who was a totally different person 2 years ago. He cared for us and was kind and loving. Now he is the total opposite. I desperately want to move on...but my heart keeps saying dont give up.

Polga
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Welcome advice is here ; http

Welcome advice is here ; http://www.olganon.org/spouses_of_excessive_gamers

Welcome Judy

If your husband is an addict (which it sounds possible because of the behaviour you describe) you will have to learn to accept that his addiction has rewired his brain and he is not the person you fell in love with, but a shadow of that person.

He can heal, but he has got to quit gaming for a long time to do that. He he will only want to do that when he feels some pretty bad consequences. They will feel consequces much faster when we stop enabling them. More on that here: http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-spousessignificant-others-olg-anon-members-only/about-enabling-spousessos-addicted

You need to look after yourself now. We cannot change or control their addiction. All you can do is step back to let the addiction play itself out and let him hit rock bottom. The stepping back process is called detachment See http://www.olganon.org/forum/discussion-spousessignificant-others-olg-anon-members-only/detachment-what-means-and-how-do-it Until then, do all you can to protect yourself and get what is dues to you from the divorce settlement.

Who knows, one day he may see what had happened and realise what a mistake he made. It can happen.

Keep coming back to learn more and put your heart at rest. It had nothing to do with things you did, but everything to do with the effects of his addiction. I am sorry that you and your family are suffering with the heartache of all this. The addiction has taken him over. Look after yourself and get support from others.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

JudyLLee
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Thank you so much for your

Thank you so much for your advice. I did look up the process of detachment. I need to work on that...maybe it will be easier when we are not living together. My emotions are all over the place. One day I feel like I am angry at him for changing our lives so much. Then the next day I think I can bargain with him...or that a spark of the Chris that I used to to know can somehow be reached. But it doesn't and I struggle with the feeling of powerlessness. I want to get better and create a happy peaceful life for me and my children. So I know in my head that is the only thing i can control or at least try and fix right now. Thank you for your kindness and encouraging words...they provide me with a sense of hope. I never realized how much of a widespread problem this is for our society.

Polga
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Step one of the healing

Step one of the healing process is acknowledging that we are powerless over their addiction; finding acceptance there is nothing we can do. Working the 12 steps may be helpful  for you. If you search the forums you can find out more.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

Please help! Donate here

cheriezeringue
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I feel your pain.

I just read your story as I sit here packing. Our stories are similar except the affair was on the game and much more money. You have to go through the grieving stages. It will get better, I promise. It's like a death. Be strong for your kids. 

AussieLass76
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You deserve better

Hun, I sympathise with you. There are often no reasons we acan understand why people do what they do, all we can do is focus on ourselves. I can understand the trauma you are feeling, but its time to rebuld you on your own terms. Can you reach a settle,ent agreement with him so you can move on physically and financially? Are you able to live with family and friends with the kids for a short spce of time? Sadly, addiction rewires peoples brains, they simply don't think rationally and no amount of waiting, bargaining etc will chnage that, They need to be the ones who will do that and they need to want to. Now, is your time, please ensure you take care of yourself. Find a hooby or passtime. something just for YOU, spend time with family and friends, get your pretty self out there and have some fun, you deserve it.

Addiction regardless of what it is hurts family and loved ones. Through support and strength, we shall grow and survive.

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