I have been married to my wife for 17 years, 3 kids and a ton of fond memories along the way. Then suddenly in January of this year she starts playing a Game of Thrones game on her phone. At first I noticed she seemed to be playing some days, not all the time but then it became basically 24/7. Then I noticed her scrolling through chats and laughing and carrying on. I asked her about it and she said it was nothing just a chat in her game.
I finally began questioning her more about it. At first she told me that people on this chat were weird and that she put a picture of our dog as her profile and her name was our dogs name. At the time this info she shared with me seemed harmless and she seemed like she thought it was funny but odd. So I let it go for months watching her slowly become more and more obsessed with this game/chat. Then came the late nights up to 3am “playing” the game, lying in bed with the covers over her head while I was trying to sleep, playing in the car, walking, at the house, at the store....all the time.
This went on and on until I finally broke the 1 rule I told myself never to do....while she was in the shower I checked this so called game and chat on her phone. The chat site I believe was Discord and her avatar was a sexy photo of herself and her screen name was something like Vodkapartygirl. Then I saw she had private chats with a guy saying she loved him over and over, wanted to be with him...complained about things we did (seeing Avengers) because it was way too long and took her away from her circle of friends on the chat (by the way she left the movie 4 times to do something). After reading her chats and nearly fainting while dry heaving, immediately I called her on it in the bathroom and she did not think she did anything wrong. I have never been cheated on physically or emotionally (emotional friend) so this was a complete shock. I didn’t know what to think or say. I just left the house and got in my car to drive. She claims this guy is her friend and only says “I love you” as part of the game!??! She never reached out to me after I confronted her and left to drive. I came back home after 8 hours and we talked and I found out she immediately went online to the chat and told this guy of my finding out and he told her to say to me that they are “just friends” and to prove it I could talk to his wife about it!??!?
I again left the house as I couldn’t believe instead of reaching out to me after I left the 1st time to talk or ask where I was, she reached out privately AGAIN to him complaining that I found out.
She has since told me she loves all of her buddies on the game and they are her “family”. I said what about your real family....us? Well she she typed “I love you” to this guy about 15 times in 5 minutes that I saw in that private chat and hasn’t said it to me that many times in 5 years.
I just do not understand how she can say those things to another guy and wonder why I am upset? I think I would be able to deal with the physical act of cheating better than the emotional act. I am not dealing well needless to say and now feel jealousy for the 1st time ever and do not trust her. She said she deleted the chat but then is back on it. Was it to delete the history to hide more from me? Every time I see her laughing at her phone or on it she immediately acts like she isn’t playing and chatting. She says that she thinks she is doing nothing wrong but since I have been in a room where she just was and her phone is there....suddenly she comes racing back pretending to check on something needing her phone. It’s almost like she is purposely keeping it from me because she thinks I will check it again.
i don’t know what to do, I love her but I do not know what to do. I have tried engaging her more in conversation thru texts, calls when at work and have really tried to make her see I love her but she is still on the chat. I do not know how to cope with the things I saw and now of course my mind is reeling with what she is possibly doing with this guy when I am not around. Plus I found there is a video chat function that she is doing.
She has this guy to talk to about this nonsense and I have no one which makes it harder, so I apologize for the long post. It’s almost therapeutic to type it out but still I am lost....