It is now 6:00 in the morning. I am dead tired but I can't sleep. I am alone in bed because my husband is either playing an online game on his phone, or watching a movie, or watching some recorded football or baseball game, or chatting with his online friends. I am lying in bed, by myself, after several assurances from him that he "will sleep soon" and that he "loves me". I don't remember how long this has been going on... Two years, maybe longer. The last time that we slept (literally) together in bed was more than six months ago. He tried for two weeks. After that, it's back to his old gaming/movie/sports/chat routine. He'd come to bed at around 7 or 8am, when I'm supposed to get up for work. Or I get up to get ready for work and see him passed out on the couch, phone in hand. The hours don't bother him, I assume. He only works part time, 2-3 days a week, 6 hours each day.
I've read a bit of resource from this site and from other websites and articles. I can see some of the signs of online addiction. He stays up all night to play his online games. He often plays on his phone while in the middle of a meal. When we are sitting together to watch tv, he is also on his phone playing his games or chatting. He'd lose his temper and yell or storm out of a room if he thinks that I'm too close to him, or I'm "hovering", while he's playing on his phone. On weekends, he's in the room all day, on his phone, while I'm attempting to have a normal weekend. In all fairness, while my husband spends a huge amount of time gaming/watching movies or sports/chatting, he does take time to cook, clean, go grocery shopping, do the laundry, etc. The essential activities, I guess you could say. Because of this, I am not sure if he fits the criteria for being a gaming addict. Maybe he just doesn't want to be with me anymore.
One time, I saw a chat widget that he'd left running on his phone (while he's passed out on the couch). It's an online sex roleplay site. He was exchanging sexual messages with this woman. She said she loves him. He said he loves her back. When I asked him about it, he gave the standard response: it's just role-playing, it's not real. And he's sorry that I saw that. (NOT that he did it).
I've tried talking to him, but he always finds a way to make it my fault. I nag him. I play emotional blackmail. I am trying to control him.
I feel alone and unwanted. It hurts. I'm depressed. I battle with thoughts of hurting myself because somehow I think that it will make him see, on the outside, how much he's hurting me on the inside. I battle with the idea that maybe I did something wrong to deserve this.
I just wish that I'd wake up one day and just...not feel anything. So I can start living my life without getting affected by what he does.
Welcome CVK
If you had a crystal ball and it said that in 5 years time nothing had changed; what would you want to do about it now ???
Please read the resourses for spouses linked in my signature below. there are tools and advice there to help take back control of your life. boundaries, stopping enabling, communication, detaching with love, online infidelity, when to leave the gamer...
It sucks that his behaviours are not what you need in your relationship. If he is addicted, or just plain selfish, you cannot control him, but you can control your life by making changes to make your life better.
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here
I also felt the same way. The feeling that he's totally physically present but in reality he is somewhere else with that online gaming. Worst thing here is, I am pregnant on my 4th month already. I suffered emotionally, crying myself at night to go to sleep. Doing things all alone.
He sleeps at 4am or 9am in the morning and the time he will be lying in bed that's the time I have to wake up and do morning house chores. I cannot even ask him to do the laundry. He eats in front of the computer whenever he's hungry and just leaving all the dishes on the other end of his table telling me not to touch or clean those dishes.
It was 3 days in a row when I asked him to talk to me about this gaming for I cannot afford to sleep at night all alone. I wanted to feel loved most especially I am pregnant and this hormones are not really in their proper places. It always ends up with an argument and telling me that it is his passion to play games. He's good at it and I cannot see the connection of he is doing to what we call the reality. I couldnt say that he is a loser for he is not really good at anything. He failed physically for he doesnt do any physical activities anymore. And his behavior towards me is getting worse, he's impatient, and whenever I wanted to talk to him he will always tell that I am getting to his nerves, all the things that I am saying to him is just repetitive and it doesnt make sense for I cannot understand him enough.
Sometimes I have some depression/suicide thoughts about it. And this lock down due to COvid19 is really not helping at all. How I wish I can go back to work so I wont see him 24/7 in front of the computer. I'd better have a busy life in my workplace than to see him playing all night long.
Welcome Hanash
When they are addicted, we cannot communicate with them and expect them to respond in a normal way. Its an effect of the addiction. Gaming addiction ruins relationships.
It sounds awful for you to have to live this way. I am very sorry to hear that you are having thoughts of suicide because you are so depressed about this. You are not alone. Times are very difficult right now but they will pass. There are many organisations that can support you by phone if you feel down. There are some links here :
https://www.olganon.org/immediate_support_for_game_addiction
Also if you click the link for spouses in my signature below you will find links to information which you might find helpful, such as how to seek support, learning to detach with love and boundaries.
At this time it is most important that you stay safe from the effects of being with your husband, and look after your needs and take care of you as he cannot. Reach out to others for emotional support such as frineds and family. Stay connected even if it is by phone. Do not keep this a secret about how you are feeling and what is going on.
INFO
Help for gamers here
Help for parents of gamers here
Help for spouses/SO's of gamers here
Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here
Online meetings gaming addicts click here
Please help! Donate here