How to not feel like hes choosing games over me

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plt0000
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How to not feel like hes choosing games over me

So my boyfriend is 18 and weve been together for over two years. He told me a few months into our relationship that before we were dating he would spend all day, every day playing games, but chose to hide that from me in fear of being judged by me. Fast forward two years and he spends at least ten hours a day playing an online ps4 game. I work full time monday to friday and he doesnt. I know that all day im at work he sits around playing the same game, when i get home he continues to play the game non stop until we go to bed. Everyday. He spends more time each day talking to his friends online than me. I cant help but feel he is choosing the games over me. 

I have told him how i feel and he says he will cut down on the amount he plays, however that never happens. He has warned me in the past that he expects to be playing games for the rest of his life, and this has me worrying that if its this bad now, it will only be worse in 10 years.

To make it worse, most of the time hes  playing he wears a headset to communicate with his friends which leaves  me feeling totally disconnected and disrespected. He says he can still hear me when I talk to him, but why would I want to talk when I know he will just cut me off to talk to his friends whom hes never even met.

Every day more and more things are happening that make me feel second place compared to his game. Just yesterday i got of work early and decided to surprise him, thinking he would be excited. I showed up at his house expecting at least a hug, but all he did was open the door after I knocked, and run right  back to his game (Literally he ran back to the tv) cause he doing something important.

I know he still loves me, but its getting harder and harder for me to sit around doing nothing while he wastes his life away to a game.

Please help I wanna make things work but i just dont know how 

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome to Olganon !

Welcome to Olganon !

He is chosing games over you; it's clear by his behaviour. Actions speak louder than words. It must feel hurtful to be his second best; I'm sorry for you are having to come to terms with it

He is being honest when he says he will not quit gaming. I think you need to take him at his word. So your choice is either to put up with it or to cut and run. In your situation I recommend the latter choice.

If he is addicted it will be very hard for him to give up; impossible if he doesn't want to quit. If he is an addict he cannot moderate or cut down. He would have to go cold turkey.

If you need to read more about addiction so you know what to expect if you want to try to fight for your relationship, then we have plenty of resources of experiences on this site, especially in the members only spouse forum.  Look at the sticky posts first. Then read about stopping enabling, boundaries and detaching with love; those are the things you can do to look after you and may help you fix your attention on good things and not his gaming. Read the stories of other loved ones and know that you are not alone to feel this way.

There is also a thread about interventions; i.e. speaking about your concern to the addict in a well thought out way. But often we cannot reach them because addiction can be so strong.

Keep coming back so you can really understand what you can do in this situation. You cannot control his choices, but you can make healthy choices for you.

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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Meesh
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So sorry to hear that.

My advise to you at 20? years old is to look after yourself & move on, give yourself a future.

You sound like you are the one who is supporting him, if you stay with him, get married, have kids etc, you will still be doing the lot! You deserve better, someone who actually does love YOU! You can't change him, he may quit for a while but will return to the gaming. The sad thing is, that gamers think that they have "friends" online, without even meeting the people. Many of these are just a lure to make them stay on line, paying more money, marketing options etc. These "friends" purposly isolate the gamer from his loved ones, by providing sympathy & escapism, without the responsibility of a real relationship & as you know, it's highly addictive. They don't even see you, you're invisible, he probably doesn't even think he has a problem.

It's not going to get better, look after yourself & move on. Good luck.

Meesh

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