How to stay married to a gamer?

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EscapeArtist9
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How to stay married to a gamer?

Hello all,

I have been with my husband for almost 4 years. We have been married for 2 years. When I first met my husband, I knew he was a gamer. It did not bother me because he always knew when he needed to stop. He was never mean or hateful while gaming either. So therefore, it didnt bother me. We got engaged and he lost his job shortly after (cut backs). Instead of trying to find another job, he sunk DEEP into gaming. He would hardly eat, hardly showered or brushed his teeth. He was a mess. He was so mean and angry all the time. My father pulled me aside one night and voices his concern. He said that he loved my husband like he was his own son, but that I am his baby and he was worried. I knew my dad was right. So I called off the wedding. I told my SO that I was not breaking up with him. I just could not marry him when he is like this. So he joined the military. It was incredible how much this helped him get back on track. We married before he went to BMT. My husband and I spent the first six months of marriage, 800 miles apart. But we got through it. We got to our first duty station, and something changed. He started to game quite a bit, again. And I noticed that his whole dimeanor was off. He had these little quirks. He always pinches my butt or something of that nature and since we were reunited, he stopped. Our intimacy was zero. Never happened. I would get rejected on a nightly basis and it was heart breaking. I found out later he was not only addicted to gaming, but it progressed to a porn addiction. He fully admitted he cant make himself stop. So I told him either we get help, or im out. He told me he cant lose me and he agreed to get help. We saw a counselor and it helped quite a bit. Everything is back to normal in one department, but the gaming is still a problem. He is letting it effect his whole life. He goes to bed at 2 sometimes 4am and has to be at work at 7am. So he is late ALOT. In the military, being late is not an option. His appetite is back down. He is aggitated ALL the time. The raging he does sometimes scares me. He has never gotten violent but I dont know. It still makes me nervous. I want a baby. So bad. And he said he does too. But there is no way I will do that when he is like this. He has skipped out on family outings, time with me, etc just to game. He has this friend of his that he a really nice guy, but he is part of it. If my hubby and I go out to the store for example, this guys will blow up his phone pestering him about when he will get online. I have also noticed that my husband talks all the time about how he cant wait to get out of the military. Without the military, I KNOW he will sink back into it full force. And I will be working two jobs like I was before to support us. I love him with every fiber of my being. But I honest to God dont know how to do this. If I had to give an estimate on how many hours a week he games I would say no less than 50 hours a week. Thats more than he works.

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Welcome EscapeArtist

Welcome EscapeArtist

Thank you for sharing. We understand what a strong addiction it can be and we cannot control it. I am sorry you have had a tough time of it. I recommend you keep coming back to the site to learn what you can do in this situation.

If you want to stay married then you may find it helpful to learn how to "detach" with love, learn about what enabling is and stop, learn about your boundaries, learn about how you may want to try to get through to him about your concerns. There are threads on the spouse members only forum that share experience and advice regarding these things. All the sticky posts on both spouse forums are worth a read.

We have members here with military husbands who have gaming addiction due to PTSD. i don't know if that applies to your husband or not.

You may want to consider attending alanon or naranon as they help the loved ones of addicts learn to cope with someone else's addiction and get their life back

Our spouse members always advise that you do not plan to have a baby with a gaming addict, because of the neglect of the child and mother.

Keep coming back!

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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