I can't handle the lies anymore!

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Dudlebug
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Joined: 12/15/2012 - 3:23pm
I can't handle the lies anymore!

My husband and I actually met while playing Call of Duty over 6 years ago. He was in the Marine Corps in California and I was divorced, living in New Mexico taking care of my young daughter at the time.  I mention this because I've never been one to say games are bad -- so there was never a reason to hide them from me in the first place.  

Fast forward to now. Our 6 year wedding anniversary is coming up next month and I don't know if I can make it til then. We now have another daughter who is two and he adopted my first daughter, who is now 13. 

He was also an Eagle Scout   Clean cut  doesn't smoke or drink alcohol AT ALL, but he loves games.  He's been gaming all his life.  I sometimes feel anger toward his parents for allowing so much play to have happened during his whole childhood.  I felt he was an honest, upstanding person and was excited to grow old together, but these lies -- which all seem to be gaming related, have crumbled the core of our relationship.  

I have done ultimatums in the past.  We've done marriage counseling in the past.  We even have a wonderful new counselor that we've been seeing 6 months and we're still at square 1 -- he lies.  He games at work and lies over and over about it and he was close to losing his job already due to his lack of attention to work, while playing. So many things I know I'm forgetting to say, but it boils down to "what now"? 

I have Multiple Sclerosis and stay home with the kids.  My health is not as good as it used to be at all and the idea of leaving him is scary (and I'm a REALLY strong person).  The idea of staying with him scares me as well because he's so checked out and self-absorbed that I feel myself and the girls are ignored and that the feelings are faked.  The lies come off his tongue so easily that scares me as well.  I don't understand why he ever felt the need to lie about it in the first place.  He has also promised to stop and to quit lying OVER AND OVER and nothing changes.  I've always believed people can change, but I don't really know what to do. He even joined a group and his big gesture was making a post to get help and he never made mention of losing me or the girls at all.  We already feel like we are lower than video games so that made me feel worse but also wondering if he doesn't believe how close this relationship is to being over. 

Ive been trying to review some of the documents and stickies, but there's a lot of info to sift through.  Can anyone else relate to my situation? The lying drives me crazy and I've also been getting more and more depressed.  I have a counselor I will see outside of this group, but would love to hear from you guys.

thank you. (Hugs)

 

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Thanks for your share. I'm

Thanks for your share. I'm sorry that you have this problem and it must be worrying for you in your situation.

My son lies very easily. Its part of the addict manipulation. I do not expect to get a straight answer from him so I don't ask the questions any more ! They will say anything just to get you off their back so they can continue as before, for as long as possible.

Gaming addicition is very hard for them to quit. They are addicts and not their former "good" selves. Their brain is literally rewired and chemically unbalanced. If your husband gives up games his brain can recover and he may be very remorseful and ashamed that he acts like the way he has been. But while he is hooked he cannot function normally. He has got to want to change because we cannot make them recover.

To change, some addicts have to feel a lot of hard consequences to motivate them.

Keep coming back to work on what you can do to look after yourself.

 

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Dudlebug
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Last seen: 3 years 5 months ago
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Joined: 12/15/2012 - 3:23pm
Thank you for your response.

Thank you for your response.  This is agonizing and so painful. I do not understand lying. I have cut way back on my questions since I too, never seem to get a truthful answer. I am not very religious, but I do love the serenity prayer...  I have to recite it several times a day. I'm thankful for this venue where both addicts and those affected by it can get help. 

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