I don't know if I'm the bad person or him.

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Cupcake23
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I don't know if I'm the bad person or him.

Hello, my names Sarah and I have been with my boyfriend for the last three years. Basically everything started off great. I was head over heels for what seemed like an amazing guy. Eight months later I moved in with him and discovered his worst habit. Gaming. I don't know how he hid it from me for those eight months so well but I had no idea. When I moved in with him he then had no choice but be exsposed. He was addicted to a game called "Destiny". He would play from the time he got home from work till 6 in the morning. We lived in a 500 sq foot apartment so the living room was basically in the bedroom and i could hear him scream and laugh with his friends about the game all night. I did not know what to do or how to feel about it because I have never dated a gamer. I brought it to his attention and he knew how much it frustrated me. I'd cry myself to sleep most nights and try to go to bed early so I could just wake up and it be another day. He always had excuses as to why he did it and the point never got across to him. I would ask him if you know we fight about something so much why not stop the games all togather?we literally argued about it for months and finally one day he said he was done with that game. And to make sure, out of bad character I secretly broke the game in two peices and threw it away. It felt sooo good but I felt bad at the same time. He never asked where the game went but then he started getting into 2K16 where we then argued about that continuously on and on. For months and months. Then he built a gaming PC and started playing a game on that called H1Z1, we are probably dating for about 1 year and 9 months now and have moved to another state for his work. He then became SUPER ADDICTED to this game called h1z1, I felt all alone and lonely in this new state with no friends and just my gaming boyfriend. I would always threaten to move back home and he would make a pact with me to game two hours a night and only one game night a week but that would always last for about two weeks and then things would go back to his normal ways. Not only does he play H1Z1 for hours on out, when he's not playing it he watches twitch on his which is where he can watch other gamers play h1z1 on his phone. They are like h1z1 streamers. So when we go to bed at night we fall asleep to h1z1 on the tv. When he's in the bathroom he watches h1z1 on his phone, if we are in a drive thru and waiting he's watching h1z1, literally he does nothing else in life but watch or play h1z1 and go to work. He'll get off if i ask him to go eat with me or go to the movies but it seems like he has no other hobbies or is super lazy to do anything else unless I make him. He rather be at home gaming, with his headphones on talking to his friends. I feel like I'm loosing my attraction to him and he just some super LAZY uninteresting  person. I feel like he's not the boyfriend he used to be because his focus is elsewhere. I feel like the nagging girlfriend for always fighting about his games. Or I feel mean by critizing how he plays games when it's his distress from Work. But sometimes I look at him and feel disgusted. Or sometimes I feel like cutting all the cords to his computer. I feel like he could be some much more of a person without his games. I have to remind him to pay his bills on time, to set his alarms for work which he'll be late to half the time which stresses me out even more because it's like I have to baby sit him. I just feel bad for hating someone I love.

Sarah

Polga
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Joined: 02/17/2014 - 11:33am
Sounds like he is addicted so

Welcome ! Our welcome advice is here :

http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-spousessignificant-others-open-forum/help-my-spousesignificant-other-addicted

You are not a bad person; neither is he. His addiction is bad and he is having too much fun at the moment and not enough pain to want to stop.

If he is addicted, he is not able act in a rational way. He is not the same person he was when you were first dating and will not be until he makes  a choice to reclaim his life and has some recovery under his belt.

He will only wake up when he starts to feel consequences. Start stepping back from acting like his Mom so that he can feel his life falling apart.

You can only control you. You deserve better than to stay in a neglectful relationship. You can start to learn to make yourself stronger right now and then make better life choices for yourself.

Keep coming back to read the spouses forums to see how you can make a plan how you are going to play this. Whether you are going to change your behaviour around him to allow him more chance to wake up to his addiction, or just cut and run to save your sanity. Follow some of the links on this post to learn more

http://www.olganon.org/comment/266959#comment-266959

INFO

Parent's online meeting THURSDAY 9pmEST/EDT click here

Online meetings gaming addicts click here

Spouses/SO's of addicts click here

Parents of addicts click here for advice

Help for video game addicts click here

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